How to calm MY anxiety over child’s swimming lesson

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This is ridiculous I know but DS turns 3 very soon and is very confident and outgoing in everything he does, including his swimming lessons. At the moment I’m in the pool with him and holding him most of the time. He can’t seem to grasp swimming, he ends up vertical instead of horizontal and can’t seem to kick at the same time as scooping his hands. They asked his age & asked if he can go up a group where I won’t be in the water with him but I’m so anxious. He can’t swim without me holding him, when I do let go he chokes on water and I’m absolutely terrified about dry drowning. I don’t show him I’m anxious but it makes me worry so much. I just feel like he really isn’t ready but he’s in a lesson with 18 month olds so he looks out of place. With covid restrictions he hasn’t had lessons since October so I just feel rushed and like he’s not ready.

"I just feel like he really isn’t ready"

There you go then.

He's 3. Send him when he starts reception or year 1.

At the moment, you stay in the water until they’re in the school-aged classes around here because the instructor can’t go in (Covid).

Maybe ask if you’ll be in with him too? Because mostly likely you will be.

Sorry I reread know you said you won’t be in - but do double check. Because those classes here still have the parent in - when normally they wouldn’t be - because the instructor can’t hold the children for distancing reasons.

I think he might learn more effectively without you. The swimming instructor knows what they are doing, so I would give it a go and move him up. The earlier a child learns to swim the better.

Keep him where he can stand in toddler pool. Let him play.
Use armbands and floats.
Let teachers teach him.
Without you. They know how.
He won't learn anything with you gripping him.
Trust the teachers. Ask their qualifications if you need reassurance.
Take a course yourself.

The instructors are in the water with us at our pool. The next group up the parents sit at the poolside with masks on.

I think your terror of dry drowning is irrational, driven by anxiety.

It's very rare for dry or secondary drowning to occur. Your child would have to be underwater for a significant period, a minute or so to inhale water onto the lungs and not be able to cough it up. A minute might not sound long, but underwater it is. I guarantee no children are falling underwater for that amount of time during lessons.

All small children's faces get submerged a little when learning to swim- they will cough and splutter and even swallow a few gulps of water when learning to swim. That's completely normal and harmless.

If you believe your son has co ordination difficulties and is not ready for an "older" swimming class then could you look into 1 to 1 tuition for him? Expensive though.

I think you just need to let him learn and go for it tbh. I think its your anxiety holding him back

The instructor will have taught hundreds, perhaps thousands of children. They know what they are doing.

You need to land your helicopter and let your child learn to swim.

It will be fine. They will not let him drown.

Put him in 1:1 lessons for a bit until he can swim independently. He will progress really quickly that way and it should help your confidence to watch it.

I am a helicopter parent and I don’t want to be I think I need to go down the 1 to 1 route, we are left to our own devices at the moment and I don’t know how to teach DS how to swim horizontally and I don’t know how to teach him to kick his legs and scoop his arms at the same time. He’s completely uncoordinated and he really isn’t ready to be left floating on his own. I’m glad to hear about the dry drowning thing though, I was a lot more relaxed about him choking on the water today. The pool doesn’t have a shallow end, it’s the same depth all the way across and only the adults can touch the floor.

How many children is it per instructor? I find it bizarre that classes exist where an instructor can have a group of three year olds - who can't swim - bobbing around in the pool on noodles?

Minimum recommendations for swimming under the age of 4 are for "touch supervison" at all times - ie at any given time, an adult should be able to touch (grab if necessary!) the child in the pool. So maybe it could work if it was was 2 kids to 1 instructor, but not 4/5 per instructor.

There's no way I'd let my 3 year old have a group class without individual supervision - and he's happy and confident in the pool. It's not about helicopter parenting, it's about basic water safety!

Find another pool or have private lessons. Or just wait til he's older and more confident in the water before formal teaching.

Do you have a float suit for him? My 2yo wears one and it means I can let go of him completely and he's quite happy kicking around. He mostly stays vertical in the water. He will come back to me when he needs to but he loves the freedom.

I was also shocked when they said I wouldn’t be in the pool with DS when he isn’t capable of swimming yet. There are 2 instructors and usually 8 children in the lesson. He doesn’t have a float suit, he just wears armbands. I’m really not comfortable with it so I think I’ll organise 1:1 lessons.

I don’t think that you are unreasonable. I’ve read it like they wanted to move him to a different group because of his age but it shouldn’t be like this. They need to move him to the next group because of the level of his skills.