Should I give up breastfeeding?

[FenugreekGodess]

I have a beautiful 3 wk old DD (can't believe I can now write DD! ) but struggling to decide whether to ditch my failing breastfeeding attempts and go full formula.
Due to a traumatic delivery I didn't get much skin to skin over the few days in hospital but we tried when I felt I was able to. During the following weeks we've done bits of skin to skin but probably no where near enough. We were put on top ups from within the first 24hrs and a much as I'm cross about that it probably saved us from extra time in hospital or readmission for significant weight loss as she still lost weight but within accepted levels.
My milk supply isn't satisfying her and I've been put on a pumping plan but I think that because I have nothing in the tank energy wise I'm not going to get anything, my experience of labour and recovery have half wiped me out.
I can't bear to see her so distraught at my breasts giving her no milk. She's not gaining enough weight but she's not loosing. Only gained 2oz last week.
I want her to thrive and for me to feel less knackered and strung out.
WWYD and any recommendations?

I'm crying every evening when it appears I run out and eventually my husband cajoles me into giving up the fight and giving her the formula/ milk she desperately wants. We've fallen into this top up trap I think it's called... Last few days have been so hard, more formula than breastmilk as a result of it all

Do what's best for you. A happy mum means a happy baby. My first son was premmie and I had to pump whilst he was in NICU so I know how hard it can be. If formula feeding will make you less stressed and a happier more confident mum do it, and don't feel any guilt your doing what's best for your family.

Do what's best for you. Just whatever you do, commit to and ditch the guilt around it.

I stopped BF after one day with DS1. I was post EMCS, hardly slept in 48 hours, sick from morphine and in agony with some random MW milking me like I was a cow. I asked for formula and never looked back.

My first I battled for months. I was shattered and emotionally strung out. Never managed to establish supply and the whole thing was so stressful and awful.
If you feel like you and your DD would be better formula feeding then that’s the best choice.
Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

@Cotswoldmama thank you. This is it, I want both - I want the security of formula to know she's getting the nutrition she needs but I want to do that via breastfeeding. I think she's got a bit lazy at the nipple and can't be bothered to work for it unlike the bottle. I'm trying to pace feed but it's not having much effect.
I'm just wondering if I'm putting my wants above her needs by continuing to persevere with breastfeeding on a shoestring as it were

@FenugreekGodess please be aware of lactivist stuff like the ‘top up trap’ and feed feed feed in some instances it’s 100% necessary to top up. It made me feel so crap reading stuff like that, like I was a failure before I even started out. As long as you are pumping after you give a bottle, your supply should still build up. I had to top up my little girl for a while to help her weight gain and tongue tie. You’ll have to phase out the top ups over time but it’s definitely possible if it’s what you want?

Breast feeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Has little one been checked for tongue tie, that can affect milk transfer and cause fussy behaviour and slow weight gain.

Is little one back at birth weight? Xx

Try using an sns instead of bottles. Get baby to breast for all feedings. It will help with supply and get baby used to the breast. You can supplement with formula or pumped breast milk.

Oh OP. That sounds really hard.

It sounds like you don’t want to give up breastfeeding, so I would suggest you get some more support - have you tried calling the National Breastfeeding Helpline? They are so good as a listening ear as well as giving good evidence-based support.

www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

I would also suggest speaking to an IBCLC - highest standard of lactation consultant.

lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

Whatever you do, I would say remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

One final thing to think about, tiny babies cluster feed in the evening. It’s not that they aren’t getting enough milk, it’s the way they are programmed to tell your breasts what to make for them. It’s really hard and it can feel like you don’t have enough but often that isn’t the case. As you know, the more milk your baby demands the more you will produce so if you give formula you can hinder supply but it isn’t always as clear cut as “my supply is bad because my baby is fussy at the breast”.

Please do reach out to get support if you would rather keep breastfeeding. Of course if you feel differently then that is absolutely fine too.

@Sleeplessemma oh wow never heard of the phrase 'lactivist'... I think the top up suggested by the MW in the hospital on day 1 was a preventative measure and therefore 100% necessary as she probably read my file and thought (quite rightly considering what I went through) that there's no way that woman is going to get breastfeeding off quick enough and good enough to sustain the baby, as it was she still lost weight (just under 10%).
DD was 2oz short of her birthweight on the first HV check then after another week she gained back those 2oz but that was it.
Tbh I don't know what to do for the best!

Hi, I am by no means an expert in this , but couldn't read and run as I was in a similar position with my now 8m DD.

We really struggled with BF and she lost a lot of weight, over 10%, I was so so stressed. Plus BF was agony as she struggled to latch due to flat nipples (they are no longer flat). We did do top ups for 2 days with formula, plus pumping, but then I stopped as I didn't want to anymore, so focused on pumping and BF LOADS!

So, firstly, I fully agree that fed is best. If you want to move to formula there is absolutely nothing wrong about that!!!!!

However if you are wanting to continue BF....have your health visitor team or infant feeding team (think midwifes can make this referral but maybe HVs can too) come in to support with weighed feeds etc to see how much breast milk she's taking? Does she feed well and how long for? Does she seem satisfied after the boob? Like drowsy or content.

Pumping will help increase supply but so will offering lots of feeds. I know it is tiring, and it takes up your day. If it's starting to consume or upset you then you need to do what's best for both DD and you! You are important too.

How many feeds a day does she do? In the early weeks I was offering like 12 -14 feeds a day throughout 24 hrs as DD would only feed 5 mins at a time!

Make sure you're drinking tons of water, and plenty of nourishing food. Is your partner supporting ? If you can't seem to find time to cook and eat, simple things like overnight oats (oats are apparently good for supply), lots of wholemeal toast to fill you, fruit, quick but reasonably healthy things if you see what I mean.

Sorry for all of the questions, trying to get a full picture. And sending hugs as I remember how exhausting it is 💐 remember, you're doing amazing. Be kind to yourself.

Also, when I was in hospital after giving birth we left but were then readmitted for 2 days due to jaundice and weight loss. When I was doing formula top ups I was adamant about supporting my BF so I did cup feeds only to ensure she didn't get confused.

Whatever you do , as PPs have said, carry no guilt and tbh formula/boob - no one cares after the first few months anyway!!! Healthy baby healthy mum that's the most important

@Peasbewithyou thanks. Yes I've rang the support number at the start of the second week and the volunteer was great. I was put on a pumping plan by my hospital lactation consultant but only just started and doubting the whole thing already... Stupidly.

Thing is there's fussy and there's full on scream crying red faced with tears... Are they the same thing? If it was just grizzly I could understand? Am at a loss Xx

@FenugreekGodess I really struggled with breastfeeding! I think I was on too many mum groups that banged on about the ‘risks of formula’ made me feel awful for needing it.

Does the hospital you delivered at have an infant feeding team? Most do and many have an IBLBC (a highly trained lactation consultant) that can advise and support you in accomplishing your feeding goals and help you with a sustainable plan. No disrespect to midwives and Hvs but their breastfeeding training is often lacking so a lot of the stuff they come out with is nonsense, that could be the same for when they advised top ups straight out of the gate for you, I don’t know. I had to top up because I had no support in hospital and had such bad nipple damage I couldn’t feed my girl so was hand expressing into a cup which took forever.
I’d really recommend getting in touch with the infant feeding team and get them to check for ties and help you with positioning and attachment. If it’s in your budget you could hire a private IBLBC (i also did this, but truthfully had quite a poor experience).

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up! Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If a bottle of formula here and there, eases mental and physical pressure on you and let’s you rest, then that’s fab! You’re doing amazing!

How long does she go between feeds? Do you get a reasonable stretch at night or in the day? I'm thinking that maybe if you make sure your breasts are really full the milk can sometimes literally shoot out and she maybe she would feed better then it might be easier for her as it will pretty much flow into her mouth! Could you try alternating feeds to make sure your breasts are really full and then gradually reduce the formula? My son was literally attached to my boobs for the first 6 weeks if he wasn't feeding he was soothing himself, we coslept as well so he fed as and when. You could try just having her with you all the time and as much skin to skin as possible to see if that helps at all.

@GalaxyGirl24 thank you.
Does she feed well and how long for? Does she seem satisfied after the boob? Like drowsy or content.
She can feed well at times. Sometimes just 5m sometimes 30-40 but the long ones she's fallen asleep to and I don't pull her off.
I had my confidence knocked the other day as she just refused the breast all day, yesterday was better but today she's had a lot more formula. I tried pumping after the typical evening refusal and only got basically nothing, when at otger times I've got up to 40ml from one breast in 10 mins.

Hi OP,

It's totally up to you but just to provide some perspective in 6 months your little one will be starting solids, so this dependency on milk alone is short lived. I found that perspective helped me get a bigger picture of what their food eating life is like, if you see what I mean. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I had problems with both of mine so I totally feel your pain op. Fed is best and don't carry any guilt about formula. You don't need to justify that choice to anyone - while everyone bangs on about breast being best remember that that can be true on aggregate and not true for YOUR baby.
I would be encouraged by being able to pump 40ml so early though. That sounds like you have built up a reasonable supply and if you want to carry on, you have a decent basis to start with. (I say this as someone who never managed to pump more than 20ml after 30 mins on each beast).
Good luck with whatever you decide. Xxxxx

You can mix feed which in my mind is the best of both worlds.

I mix fed from birth, dd was always offered boob first but I would top her up with a couple of ozs if I felt she needed it.

I mix fed until she was almost 1!

I never managed to establish a proper supply so DD has both. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. But be aware the first 3 to 6 weeks are quite testing. They tend to get fussy in the evenings no matter how they are fed.

Thank you everyone, your comments and experiences are really helpful to read.
@emeraldcity2000 well I was averaging 20ml, then one day I got the 40ml but it's been dire ever since. X

If I recall correctly pumping isn't always a reliable indicator. I used to pump and get just 1oz or so and I'd be panicking thinking I've got no milk. But then when DD started to gain 5-7oz a week after the initial first weight loss I realised how deceptive it can be.

I remember the infant feeding team told me that if I did want to do formula I would have to make sure I pumped at the times she would feed (I didn't do formula but still pumped as I was worried about supply at that time) and I remember my pumping schedule was literally Breastfeed, Pump, Feed the expressed milk, and then again and so on. It was manic and that coupled with the nipple pain nearly put me off completely.

Hope it all works out for you whatever you decide 💐

@FenugreekGodess

Thank you everyone, your comments and experiences are really helpful to read. *@emeraldcity2000* well I was averaging 20ml, then one day I got the 40ml but it's been dire ever since. X

Many get a dismal amount when pumping. This is in no way indicative of low supply. Pumping is a different mechanism.

Upset babies are fantastic at making us feel inadequate It sounds like you're doing a great job. A few things that might help you feel less stressed: pumping output is not a good indication of supply, baby will always be better at removing milk than a pump (as long as there are no other latching problems). You pump for the suckling sensation and to keep the breasts producing. Formula is not a magic baby satisfier (although it often seems that way), but it is a useful supplement for weight gain while your supply regulates (and that can take up to 6 weeks) and you and your baby learn how to feed together.
Others have suggested combi feeding for a while. You're doing fantastic and you are not failing whatever you choose to do. You're clearly accessing all the right support and doing your best.

Hey OP

Breastfeeding is very hard, especially in the beginning so don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you have had a tough time of it so don't beat urself up about your DD being given formula. I was a formula fed baby and absolutely nothing wrong with me, in fact I very rarely get unwell. Saying that I have breastfed both my DC. DS1 it was super hard in the beginning but got easier after the 6 week mark. Has been easier with DS2 (10 weeks old) but only because I know what to expect. I have found that a Hakka or silicone pump has massively increased my supply, so you could try that? When DS2 is feeding on one side I attach it to the other to catch the let down. I'm the first weeks it was only giving me an extra 2oz but then I would put that in a bottle as the top up. Don't need to do that now as I now have a bit of an over supply and a freezer stash. You could try and see if you get an improvement. I got the nature bond one from Amazon, in expensive if it doesn't improve things.

Good luck with everything x

Second those who say it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I mixed fed from about 8 weeks after DD gained weight very slowly. I alternated between breastfeeds and bottles and it worked really well for me. I ended up breastfeeding until she was 14 months (down to one feed a day at this point). It worked for us. For me, it lifted the pressure I felt weighing on me and made me a much happier mum.