Hi all- Iām new here so please be kind. :) I just need to vent and have someone to talk to as feeling pretty crappy. š
Back story: I have 2 children with my ex partner 12 and 10. Me and my ex partner split up when I was pregnant with my 10 year old- there was a lot of dv involved which wasnāt a good environment to bring the kids up. When we split there was an active injunction order in place to keep him away from me. 2 months after splitting he got with his new gf (now wife) he is married and now has another 2 kids with her 6 & 4- i remained single bringing up my children and focusing on my career- itās been a long 11 years but Iām now at a great place within my career and family life.
Since 2018 I got into a relationship- the first ever relationship my children have ever met another guy- they adore him and new partner moved in beginning of lockdown in 2020.
Since 2019 when the children met my new partner I have had nothing but issues with ex partner, telling the children that me and my partner are all the names under the sun, looking on the electrol roll to find out where my partners parents live, paying them a visit, calling the police to do a welfare check on me which they had no concerns, telling me I shouldnāt be working and that me and my partner shouldnāt be out socialising on our child free weekends- (meals, trips to the garden centre etc) because we need to be on call if he decides to bring the children home early.
He has refused to have the children all last year and make them feel guilty for having a great relationship with my partner and favours one child more than the other. Child one is his favourite, gets everything she ever wants but he also uses her as a confidant which now effects her feelings and with child three: ignores her, donāt spend time with her and causes arguments between her and child two because she is now seeing the difference.
Fast forward to this year when he was having them, first weekend he texted my partner saying that he is not bringing the children home and that they are to stay with him, given the amount of abuse we have suffered I knew his threats are real- he has threatened to kill me, parks outside my house blaring out music of certain lyrics, car damaged, and few others. I called the police has we have a court order in place, they couldnāt get the children physically but spoke to him and he bought the children home. The police had to log it with social services and I told them how he emotional and mentally abuses that them, social services told me that I have it all in control but to contact leeway for advice, along with the police advising to amend the court order- all which I did. Within doing that him and his mother reported me to social services for neglect- that report came back no further action.
Within the court order I have proposed every other weekend, and half of the holidays- this isnāt good enough, he has requested full custody. š although I donāt want the girls to suffer the emotional and mental abuse he still their father and adore him, which is my main priority is their well being. Our court hearing is in a couple of months.
Now for the tip of the iceberg, we used child maintenance have done for a year as he was controlling the maintenance. They have now down their annual review and he has to pay Ā£40 more than what he used too- so for 2 children Ā£140 a month.. he has now disputed this and demanded they do a dna? Even though he has not mentioned dna over court proceedings.
Iām so highly frustrated because CSA have turned round and said to me if I donāt give consent they will stop maintenance. I have no doubt that child two isnāt his.. and know that will prove him other wise. What Iām tired about is why I have to play his stupid games and CSA to turn round and say āwe know how you feel but he has requested itā
Dad has never thought of the children just to have several digs at me without realising the effect it has on children, especially when child two feels how she does and how he is saying she is not his? What happened to the professionals taking the childrenās best interest? Why is it all that I have to abide by his games with harassment now through professionals so he can have some sort of fulfilment.
Im sorry if this is so long, I really just had enough, Iām trying to do the correct thing but nothing is ever good enough in order to have non of this Is let the children live with him (itās not what they want. Finish with my partner so Iām alone and leave my job because thatās what my ex partner wants just so I stop feeling like everything is a battle.
So sorry about all my typos, im typing quickly whilst the children are occupied and dinner is cooking. Iām just seeing if anyone has been through something similar? At the moment I feel like just leaving everything, itās affecting my sleep, my whole life living on eggshells with what my ex partner would do next. I have even told my new partner to leave as he doesnāt need to deal with this, heās refusing to go and I know I have a good guy there- itās just got to the point where I know everyoneās life will be a lot easier if I was to abide by my ex partner.