Shd I stay or shd I go?

[Iusyje]

Hi Parents,

Am wondering if someone might have gone through what am going through and able to advise.

Am almost divorced (just waiting to exercise decree absolut) and looking for a place for my child and I to live. Currently we (my soon-to-be-ex husband, child and I) live in a studio flat (most un-ideal of situations) in a nice part of Central London. Our relationship soured a long time ago so we have been living as room-mates for many years. I want to move on and have my own space as well as give my child a decent place to call home. Custody is to be shared 50-50 but will in reality be dictated by where me and our child end up living.

We are council tenants and able to exercise our right to buy on the studio flat we live in. The problem is that once we do this, we lose any opportunity of being offered a bigger property and having to live in the property for five years before we can sell it. Which is fine as we shall have the investment but that would mean continuing to live in this dinky studio flat which is not a viable option. On the other hand I can’t afford to rent a 2-bed property in our area. In addition to being currently unemployed as I was made redundant at the start of the Pandemic. Am interviewing for jobs so the hope is to be working soon but hope can’t pay rent.

My mental health took a bad turn in November ’20 and am just trying to work my way back to a healthy mental state which was happening until this week when I noticed a set back. The panic attacks are back, the feelings of hopelessness and being a total failure at my age are terrifying especially as I know am not a stupid person but somehow ended up living like one. The wasted years and dreams that I could have made more of myself and yet didn’t stare me in the face and I just can’t believe this is who I am today. I feel embarrassed and not able to properly interact with my peers who are doing so much better than I am. I try to be positive and some days I think I got this only for it to come back and hit me and leave me feeling worse than before.

I know a new place to live with just my child and I would help, but I just don’t know how to achieve that in my present circumstances. I don’t mind moving away from London to cheaper areas but I’ve started my child in some programmes that promise to have a positive impact on secondary school choices so would like to stick to those if I can so as not to lose the opportunities.

Will appreciate any and all advice.

If you can going to have a secondary school child soon then I would be looking for 2 bedroom places. In many parts of the country there aren’t any grammar schools and unless you are going private how well your child is doing academically won’t make a different to the school options.

@Fitforforty thanks for the response. dc is growing but just a little far off from Secondary school. Just planning ahead and hoping dc can make it to a grammar school.

Sending a big hug. Hope you’re okay. It sounds super tough for you right now.

Practically, are you able to switch to a 2 bed elsewhere and still have right to buy on your own? Maybe a chat with your local council will help.

We all have unfulfilled dreams. You’re not alone in this. Focus on the housing situation, get into a new place, then start the job hunt. You will need one for a mortgage, but if you move areas you don’t want to end up with a commute.

Job hunting is hard at times, so don’t let rejection get you down. If you have financial support, consider taking some time to train up in a field you are passionate about. In the meantime, if you’ve been out of work, do some volunteering. It’s good for the soul, you’ll meet new people and it will look good on your cv.

Sending hugs