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Original poster

Keeping DS1 in nursery while on mat leave with DS2

22 replies

Floopyandtired · 16/05/2021 22:03

I’m currently about to pop with DS2 and DS1 (3.5) will keep attending nursery 2 days a week 8-4 while I’m on leave. My other half will do pick up and drop off. He is also on the waiting list for another half day but he’s been on the list for months and I don’t see it happening any time soon...

My question is do you think it’s selfish of me to leave him in for 2 days a week - and potentially up his hours at some point - while I’m on mat leave? I’m planning for the worst with DS2 in terms of sleep and plan to use my days with just the baby to chill out a bit, then the days at home with both to do more fun with things then both. DS2 is a November baby so old in his year. I’d appreciate any thoughts because my hormones are all over the shop and I’m feeling like a terrible mother!

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Senorasurf · 16/05/2021 22:07

I'm going to keep DS1 in for two days a week also, once DD arrives in September. I feel like it would be unfair to keep him at home with me all week, when I'll likely be haggard after caring for newborn baby. It means I can use those days as a bit of a respite so that I am more able to juggle them both on the days I have him home too.

I'm also seeing it as potentially a nice break from the baby for him.

Livingintheclouds · 16/05/2021 22:10

Does your child enjoy nursery? Then why not? If you were him, would you rather be at home with a new squirming blob taking up all your mother's attention or at nursery with a bunch of your friends having a fun day?

Amammai · 16/05/2021 22:12

I’m doing the same. DS1 will go 3 days whilst I’m on mat leave with new baby. It’s his known routine, I think it would do more harm to pull him out! Same as you- hopefully some fun days when he’s off, then the other days I can go to baby groups with the new baby or catch up on sleep (really hope this one is a sleeper 😂)

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Seasidemumma77 · 16/05/2021 22:13

I had to keep older children in nursery when on maternity leave with younger dc, in order to guarantee having the required nursery spaces in order to return to work. By time I had 4th dc, I had very short maternity leave as couldn't afford nursery fees on SMP

Ohshitiveturnedintomymother · 16/05/2021 22:14

I’m doing the same! Dc1 loves nursery so I think it’s best to keep their routine going. Also if I pull them out for the year, then a) they lose all the socialisation and b) I lose their place for when I go back to work

Thecazelets · 16/05/2021 22:15

I have the same age gap, and kept my older one in nursery, partly because he loved it and I didn't see why his routine should be disrupted even more than it was already by the arrival of his sibling. Also great for me to have 1:1 time with the new baby. Definitely not selfish!

OverByYer · 16/05/2021 22:15

I kept my son in nursery 3 days a week whilst I was in maternity. He enjoyed it, have him continuity and gave me time alone with son 2

sunlight81 · 16/05/2021 22:17

Hell no - ur not selfish, just trying to Survive!!

I have 3 under three and pop the eldest in nursery 2days a week so I've time to breath. It's still hard work with the twinnies while he's in nursery but at least there is a opportunity for bonding.

Keep them in nursery!!

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 16/05/2021 22:22

Not at all, lots of people do this. It keeps continuity and at 3.5 your LO needs the socialisation.
I'd probably have swapped to maybe shorter sessions or perhaps 3 mornings or afternoons a week or something. That way there's no mad rushes in the morning with a baby and toddler and LO isn't away from you and the baby for long periods of time.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 16/05/2021 22:26

I'm currently only just pregnant, but I it works out I'll be due with our 2nd right as DS's funded nursery hours kick in, so he'll go from 2 days to 3. DS currently loves nursery, and I see it as keeping his routine and giving him a break from the new one too.

Plus like you say, I'm preparing for it to ge a bad sleeper, but fingers crossed!!

UserAtRandom · 16/05/2021 22:26

Is he staying in this nursery or moving to a different pre-school setting in September? If the latter, I'd be tempted to take him out for now. At 3.5 there are definite benefits to him being in nursery. My one caveat would be that if he's in nursery 8-4 that means you having to get yourself up and ready to take him to nursery and later go out and get him. Whereas if he's at home, you dont have any need to be out at certain times and can please yourself.

Tickly · 16/05/2021 22:26

We did with a similar age gap. It was great. Time for you to bond with the baby (and stay in bed all day snoozing and watching Netflix) whilst you recover. Your older DC gets to keep all the benefits of nursery and making friends. You'll be a better person for the mental headspace when you're shattered with a newborn. Win win all around.

bubblebubblebubbletrouble · 16/05/2021 22:28

I kept mine in f-t nursery. Only concession was i dropped off a bit later/picked up a bit earlier.
She loved nursery, she'd been there f-t since the age of 1 and was less 10 months away from starting full-time school so it seemed crazy to drop her out if that routine, she got loads more attention than I would have managed at home, dd2 deserved the same 1:1 time dd1 got as a baby, I would have been constantly juggling with 2 of them & feeling guilty.
As it turned out exh left & dd2 has a disability so had endless hospital appointments in that time - so thank goodness I had the option.

Twizbe · 16/05/2021 22:29

Omg for sure do it! My eldest still did 2 days a week a nursery when second was born. Those days were my 'day off'. You forget how easy a newborn can be. We'd cuddle on the sofa, go to baby yoga, go to a baby group, take nice pram walks.

Those days were heaven.

ChocOrange1 · 16/05/2021 22:30

Two days a week at 3.5 years old, yes I would. If he was younger or there for more days then I would suggest reducing his hours, but 2 days will be good for his education and social development at his age, and you will still have 5 days a week to do nice family things :)
Plus you don't want to lose his space at nursery as presumably you'll want it when you go back to work.

Scubalubs87 · 16/05/2021 22:36

My 2 year old has continued attending nursery 2 days a week the whole time I've been on maternity leave. He doesn't qualify for free hours yet but for us the cost has been absolutely justified. He LOVES nursery and its ensured he's interacted with other children throughout this blasted pandemic. For me, and him, nursery is about more than just childcare: it's about routine, socialisation, stimulation, experiences. Plus it's been lovely getting to spent time with 1:1 with the baby, obviously. Most of my friends have kept their eldest in their childcare setting for at least a few days a week while they were on maternity leave.

PerpetualStudent · 16/05/2021 22:37

It’s not selfish at all - gives your older one routine, consistently, socialising outside of the home - really important stuff! I kept my DS (2.5 at the time) in nursery 3 days a week, it worked perfectly for all of us. Though as PP said, doing drop off with a baby in tow took a little getting used to!

KILNAMATRA · 16/05/2021 22:38

No you need a chance to catch your breath! And your child is being safely cared for.. happy mommy =happy babies..

Original poster

Floopyandtired · 16/05/2021 22:49

Thank you so much everyone for your input! I feel like I have no one in real life to talk to about things like this so this is a real lifeline. To try to answer some questions... DS loves nursery and has a lovely group of friends there. The nursery is on my other half’s drive to work so he will do pick up and drop off. That’s why we haven’t reduced down to half days as that wouldn’t be as convenient. Nursery are also being very rigid with their pick up and drop off times at the moment (due to maintaining the Covid bubbles or something) so he has to attend 8-4, there is no flexibility there.

It’s really reassuring to hear from others in similar positions. Thank you.

OP posts:

Jsh125 · 16/05/2021 22:51

Absolutely not being selfish. My son stayed in nursery for his regular hours when I was on mat leave with his sister. It gave him routine, time with his friends, structure & attention & it gave me time to do a couple of groups just with his sister & meet some people with similar ages babies to her.

It worked perfectly for all of us so I'm definitely on board!

Chickenlickeninthepot · 16/05/2021 22:52

My older one goes 2 days a week still - they do way more things with him than I can. I use the two days to go to baby classes (which I couldn't take a 3yo to), have a nap and get some chores/housework done which means I've got more time to spend him when he's at home.

pastabest · 16/05/2021 23:38

Look at it the other way round.

Rather than worrying that people will think badly of you for keeping him in nursery whilst you are 'off' look at it from his point of view where 2 days a week he gets to go and have fun and independent play with his familiar friends and familiar nursery care givers, away from home and the annoying new baby.

He comes home to lovely slightly more chilled out mummy who has missed him for the day and is pleased to see him. He hasn't been sat at home bored watching Bing on repeat for the 4th day in a row, and feeling left out while you feed the baby for the millionth time and can't play the game he wants to play.

He goes to two days a week, that's his routine, and don't you dare feel guilty about it.

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