This is my first time posting but I’d really appreciate any advice. I am really struggling to have a good relationship with my mother in law and would love to know any tips on how to make it more manageable.
Basically my husband and I are happily married for 13 years with 2 daughters (9 and 4). My mother in law lives at the other end of the country so while we don’t see the in laws that often, when we do it is always for several days at a time and always under the same roof (we stay with them or they stay with us) so it’s quite intense.
My mother in law isn’t a nightmare really (ie she doesn’t bully me or insult me) but I just find her so difficult to get along with. I don’t have this with any other member of my husbands family or my own, but within 24 hours of being together I can feel my nerves starting to grate. I am a very chatty outgoing person and she is very different to me. When I try and make conversation it often seems to be going well but then she will suddenly get really grumpy and abrupt with me and I feel a bit bruised. I try so hard to make her comfortable and happy when she is with us but she always seems to be slightly cross at a low level no matter what I do. She can also be really abrupt suddenly with the girls which I can see really confuses them and makes me feel upset for them. She is very set in her ways and it is her way or the highway. If we visit her she doesn’t like it if we want to go out and visit somewhere for the day and just won’t even entertain the idea of what we are suggesting.
If I spend more than a day or 2 with her I can feel I am so tense from always biting my tongue and feeling a bit hurt all the time.
Does anyone have any tips or suggestions on how I can try and get on better with her? Or how to reduce my stress and tension when I have to spend time with her? I am really trying to be kind and give her the benefit of the doubt but I feel like I’m just trying to absorb so much stress when I’m with her that it can’t be sustainable. And over time it’s definitely getting worse not better.
Just to add, I don’t think having it out with her is a good idea. My family are all real communicators but his family are very ‘brush it under the carpet’ types and hate discussing anything openly. To try and broach it would be a massive deal and I don’t feel ready for that I think, so I was hoping just to get a few ideas to try and soften the tension a bit.
Thankyou if anyone has read this and replies. I feel better for writing it down as I have never told anyone how I feel.