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Parenting

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Original poster

What age can you tell a child might be gay?

16 replies

TurnAround · 15/11/2007 21:25

MY DP has always suspected that our son is gay. From an early age he "trotted" rather than walked, always made friends with girls rather than boys and is very different from most kids, whilst the others play football etc he would rather play make-believe games with the girls. He thinks football is "too rough".

Anyway he tends to prance around a lot, speaks in a "formal" tone all the time and DP insists that he's gay but says he doesn't care either way...he just thinks I should prepare myself for it.

He's only 9 though, surely it's too young to tell? (and no we don't discuss it around him).

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Original poster

TurnAround · 15/11/2007 21:27

Also should add that he has been called "camp" and "gay" by numerous kids...kids at school and his dad's step kids and their friends.

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Carmenere · 15/11/2007 21:28

Some men are 'camp' but not necessarily gay. I suspect you will know if he is gay when he chooses to tell you

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 21:29

My little brother is 8 and he says that he is gay because he likes wearing lipstick - chapstick, he has dry lips! Oh and he once said that he kissed boys in kiss chase.

However, the next week he has a girlfriend at school so who knows! I think in most cases you would just have to sit it out. My friend is the campest person I know but when he was younger he was the last person you would think was gay. I don't think you should count on him being gay or straight at this stage.

Would you struggle with it?

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Doodledootoo · 15/11/2007 21:29

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southeastastra · 15/11/2007 21:30

he might be a trainee fop

Desiderata · 15/11/2007 21:30

My friend (nearly fifty now), has three brothers, two of whom are gay.

Apparently, it was obvious from about the age of four or five.

I don't think 9 is too early to assume that a boy might be effeminate ... but that, of course, doesn't necessarily equate to gay.

But I'm sure you won't mind a jot even if he is. Gay men are very good to their mothers, you know

imaginaryfriend · 15/11/2007 21:33

My brother's gay but outwardly he showed no signs at all - they're not all camp you know! My brother had male friends at school, I don't think he ever hung round with girls. Even when he was in his teens and showed no interest in girlfriends we didn't suspect he was gay because he seemed so non-gay. According to him he knew when he was 10 but couldn't admit it to himself.

S1ur · 15/11/2007 21:34

Second what Doodle said. (can i call you Doodle?
Kids can behave in all sorts of ways for quite long phases and nothing you've described particularly indicates any future sexual preference either way, camp possibly, trans-gendered who knows. But would you think a dd was homosexual if she played football - I'm guessing not.

OldenGoldie · 15/11/2007 21:41

I would say that you can tell if they are gay around the same time as you can tell if they are hetrosexual! Children grow up differently, girls who like climbing trees, wearing jeans and playing football with the lads in their class are not immediatly assumed to be gay.

Sometimes in hindsight it can seem obvious from an early age, but the fact is that this is only true once you know that the child (now adult) is gay. There are probably many other boys who grew up the same way and were hetrosexual!

I would advise that you enjoy your son for all that he is, forget about the things that he isn't and worry about his sexuality when it is a reality! (Having said that if you need to prepare yourself for a child being gay then you should - just the same as we all should - any of our children could be gay, straight or nuns for all we now right now!)

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/11/2007 21:42

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S1ur · 15/11/2007 21:48

Sounds like a nice kid to me, who gives a fuck who he'll shag when he's lived twice as long again!!! TBH be more concerned about DPs perception of his interests and preferences right now. It sounds like there's a bit of a erm, mismatch of expectations, in regards to what he 'ought' to be doing...

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/11/2007 21:49

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katwith3kittens · 15/11/2007 21:52

I know this sounds mad, but hasn't there been some studies into finger length ratios which suggested it could be possible to predict sexual tendencies ?

Does it really matter anyway ... not in my opinion I love both my sons, and if either of them turned out to be sensitive little souls, so be it.

nannyL · 15/11/2007 21:53

the absoslutely campest man i have ever met in my whole life(which includes many gay men) is hetrosexual....

a wonderful husband and has 2 chidlren!

shimmy · 15/11/2007 21:57

oh take no notice of the finger length thing (ratio between index and ring). According to that I am very gay but I haven't 'felt' any twinges yet!

persephonesnape · 15/11/2007 22:18

mine youngest has been quite camp since the age of about three or four. I won't be able to tell if he's gay until he actually starts thinking about sex, probably somewhere around puberty. although i do think my childrens sexuality is their business - the only thing i can do is support their choices.

all of that said, my dd (12)fancies boys ds1(9) is getting a bit giggly where girls are concerned and dd2 thinks he'll marry a girl, although i do stress there are other options - but that doesn't include marrying a stuffed pikachu.

really, i think my son is somewhat theatrical ( which is a euphemism for.... theatrical) and if anything he'll be a transvestite.

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