What info for friend looking after toddler?

[BertieBotts]

I am massively overthinking this :o talk me down!

DS2 will be nearly 3 when I am due with DC3. As we live abroad and have no family here and there is a bloody pandemic, he is going to a friend's house rather than a relative where he'd likely have a history and know them really well. My friend is lovely, has two children herself and is absolutely capable of looking after him. We've been visiting lots in preparation.

But I can't shake the need to write her a four page "DS2 manual" which I KNOW is bonkers.

What info would actually be useful for her to have? I thought about writing down doctor and childcare info (childcare will be on summer break anyway so unlikely to need, but just in case) plus food likes for different mealtimes and typical bedtime/morning routine, not that it matters if she does that. Is that enough? Too much? He is fairly easygoing, no medical needs and speech is clear ish - she probably wouldn't understand 100% of what he says, but enough to communicate.

If you have looked after a toddler what info did you find useful/wish you had?

I’d give her information about nap times if he still naps and bedtime and what foods or meals go down well. If she’s got kids then she won’t need lots of information and as he’s not a baby she won’t need to know too much routine information

Definitely no four page manual Your DS will probably need to fit in with their routine a bit but give them a normal approximate bed time and nap time if he has one. Any foods he particularly dislikes although again he will need to slot in a bit with what they're eating. One important thing would be strategies for distraction if he were to get upset. Any favourite books or tv shows they could fall back on if he were to get distressed at any point. If your friend has got children though she will undoubtedly be fine. He might push a bit of food around his plate or go to bed later than normal but he will most likely have a great time :)

Agree nap time and favourite foods/most hated foods would be all I’d need to know. And maybe fave tv show in case they got sad and needed quiet time & a cuddle on the sofa.

Ask your friend what info she would find helpful.

He doesn't nap any more although he will fall asleep in the afternoons if he goes in a car. But she knows that from taking us home! I might just say if he falls asleep we tend to try and wake him before it's been any longer than 20 mins, otherwise he's up all night. But he might be up all night anyway so maybe best just to let him sleep.

Favourite TV and books is a great idea, thanks.

I will ask her. But I wondered if it might be the kind of thing you only work out what you needed to know after the fact. I'm sure they will be fine. She's already said she's happy to camp out on the sofa with him if he won't sleep (which I feel really bad about - he's never managed to go to sleep without me! We keep trying with DH but no joy.)

Yes approx bedtime probably better than a full on routine which won't be "right" anyway as he won't be at home.

Your aim is for him to be settled and reasonably well behaved for your friend, rather than thinking too much about good routine if this was a regular arrangement. I'd give the rough details of his routine e.g. we tend to do bedtime about 7.30 and then some information about what he likes e.g. if he won't sleep he likes us to cuddle him singing Twinkle Twinkle, he loves toast and jam so if all else fails he can eat that, Bing is his favourite TV programme.

It's just for a day or two so don't worry too much about him. She will know his routine and habits anyway from having spent so much time with him before hand.

I would want to know his tired signs (bouncing off the walls? Rubbing eyes?) and roughly when to expect him to be hungry / tired. Also a favourite toy and TV show, for distraction purposes.

I know the routine isn't important, I was thinking it might help him to be more settled?

Good idea about when he's likely to be getting tired.

We did this and it was absolutely fine. Children adapt pretty well. We just explained it as a bit of an adventure and he loved it. Didn't want to come home. Didn't even mind being plucked from his bed at 1.30am and driven to friend's house. Just take his favourite toys/books, any special cup/crockery he likes and he'll be fine. Good luck with the birth x

@BertieBotts totally write the manual! I have done this for my cats when I left them, and for my 1,5yo when I went to hospital to give birth (left with a nanny). It will make you feel better, it will give the friend guidance and I would tell her to do as she normally does but if something "breaks" then refer to the manual. Win-win. No pressure, but also a fall-back option.

Ah I think it's a bit different with a nanny though, as you're employing them?

I have got it down to 1 page with spacing and that's contact details, doctor/childcare info, medical info including health insurance, brief routine comments (bedtime/nappy preference/give calpol if you see this), fave foods/games/TV prog.

@BertieBotts That sounds perfect! Hope all goes well :)

I think what you have listed is fine.

If I had a child staying overnight who doesn’t usually, it would be helpful knowing bedtime routine and likes/ dislikes. Just vague like ‘he usually goes to bed around 8pm, we give him glass of milk, then x2 short stories and he goes to sleep with his blue teddy’.

Also food likes. Toddlers are going to feel slightly out of sorts regardless as it’s a different environment even with best family or friends looking after them. So if a friend said theirs liked bananas and fish fingers, at least I would know if they didn’t eat much I could just fall back to favourites for those 1-2 days to keep them happy and fed.

I think we left a 1 page detailed info for the cat sitter when we first left ours for a week as kittens..

That sounds good to me! When I had DS2 my parents had DS1 - in many ways they knew him well, but on the other hand he'd never stayed with them (or anywhere other than with us) overnight before, and he hadn't seen much of them in the previous months because of the pandemic, and a few months is a lot when they're only 2.5. I ended up explaining his bedtime routine as I handed over his bag, and it would have been better to have had it written down but it was fine, and he was fine. He didn't eat or sleep 'normally' - they gave him pain au chocolat for breakfast and let him stay up late - but it wasn't 'normal', it was a very exciting night staying with Nana and Grandad while his baby brother was born, and he talked about it for weeks afterwards - he was a lot more chuffed with chocolate for breakfast than he was with his baby brother!

We've been having dinner at theirs so she's fairly happy with what to feed him for lunch/dinner/snacks which is good.

Bedtime routine normally is totally complicated and involves a Daddy song and breastfeeding or at the very least a mummy-boob-adjacent cuddle, so she won't be able to replicate that anyway. I actually suspect he might try and stay up all night but she keeps reassuring me it's totally fine and not to worry! I will defo have to buy her a mega thank you gift! They have family abroad as well so they get it. It's actually a really supportive community, I'm very lucky.