MIL undermining or am I being over sensitive?

[moovinon]

Thought I would ask before I spend the next hour being pissed off.

My MIL is absolutely wonderful on many ways, always willing to help, would do anything for anyone.

She used to really undermine me with my first Daughter (her first grandchild), so I still have a bit of a chip on my shoulder from that. She used to ignore any instructions for my youngest, tell me she had done things differently to how I'd asked on purpose, tell me she had bought her an outfit that she was to wear on Xmas day, did a lot of the "firsts" that I should have done, acted like she was my babies Mum, used to tell me I was doing things wrong blah blah.

Anyway, my partner told her and she did her best to stop to be fair to her. With my second, I am far more confident and had a really bond immediately so she actually hasn't said or done anything to annoy me.

I've just got home from work and was speaking to my neighbour and I took my youngest out with me, then MIL comes over after 5 mins and hands me a jumper for her and says "I've brought this out because I don't know if she will be warm enough in that". I was actually thinking of getting a coat for her anyway, so she's not wrong. But I just found it a bit embarrassing that she felt the need to basically act like she was in charge and as though I needed telling.

Am o just overthinking?

Sounds like something my mum would do. It’s fine. Just take the coat

She saw you were stuck talking and helped. No deal there at all.

I take it you're living with MIL?

I'd just assume she was trying to be helpful - bringing a jumper out so you didn't have to come in to fetch one.

I'd not be happy with that at all.
That's the work of someone nitpicking and looking for ways she can get at you.
In front of the neighbour too..how rude.

To be honest, I do think you're overreacting, you said you were thinking of getting her a coat anyway so you must also have thought that she might get cold, in that situation I don't think your MIL did anything wrong.

The other examples you gave though are definitely overstepping! Although it sounds like since your DH had a word with her she has made an effort to stop, so I do understand why that could be clouding your judgement on the coat thing but honestly I would just chalk this one up to her being helpful

Giving you a jumper in case the baby is cold, is not undermining.
Saying "for goodness sake, the poor baby will freeze wearing just that; we'd better get her in this jumper straight away, what on earth were you thinking?" would be.

This incident alone isn’t something that I would consider interfering or undermining, but against the backdrop of other behaviour you’ve described I completely understand why it might have felt that way.

You are overreacting.

OP this is exactly the type of thing my MIL would do and it would annoy me too. But I don’t think it is malicious and I would not focus on it. If she’s usually lovely then focus on the positives.

I think she was just trying to be helpful.

I totally understand though how it's easy to get wound up by your in laws overstepping though! It's hard to differentiate between the two.

I think it’s impossible to know without being there and hearing tone etc.

My MIL has watched me remove coats/jumpers from DC in the past and two minutes later tried to put them back on whilst saying ‘ooh let’s put your jumper on I bet you’re freezing aren’t you poor thing’ or the like...which i took as passive aggressive shit that got my back right up! But I probably am over sensitive at times so maybe not the best to comment