Dads lack of effort

[Marie51515]

Hi everyone,
I feel like I'm fighting and loosing battle. My children's dad and I split two years ago and it feels like I'm the one making all the effort for them to see him. I take them to him and pick them up (he has them for two hours a week) when they are there he does nothing with them, just let's them play on his games console. My daughter in her early teens usually makes excuses not to go over there, tired from school and so on. Now my son whose a pre teen is getting fed up of going over there too. I've asked my ex to maybe make more of an effort to take them places/do stuff with them even if he'd like to change days to Sunday and have them a bit longer but his response is "if they don't want to see me I'm not going to force them"
I feel this way of thinking is going to cause a rift and the kids might see it as "well if he doesn't want to make an effort then why should we bother"
Do I just give up and stop trying?

Why can't he do the fetching and carrying?

Yes, I would stop enabling his contact. It's up to him to make an effort to see his children. It sounds like they both will soon stop wanting to see him anyway. I would be clear with him that if he wants to see them he absolutely can, but he needs to take responsibility for that - you won't be bringing them any more, nor insisting they go.

He doesn't drive, even though he could taxi or bus as he doesn't live too far away from us, it's just quicker and easier if I drop them off there after school

You can't make him do it. This really needs to come from him and as you are not a couple I would take no responsibility for it. I would stop making so much effort and let him make his own choices.

You are absolutely right in thinking that if he isn't going to make an effort then why should anyone else bother.

I'm leaning that way tbh, just wasn't sure I'd be doing the right thing for the kids if I did, he likes to use emotional blackmail, when I suggested making more effort he started getting upset and crying and I have done everything in my power to make sure he sees them but it's like banging my head against the wall

I wouldn’t bother making him see them. Even they don’t want to go there anymore, just leave it up to your children to decide if they want to see their dad or not. At the end of the day it’s his loss. If your children are happy not to see him then let them decide.
He doesn’t even seem bothered and seems like he doesn’t want to make an effort..

I was expecting this to be the case of you and your ex living together! Definitely don't bother, it's more disheartening for your kids if they're made to feel like they have to make some sort of an effort to pretend just because he's their dad. They know you appreciate them and would rather be at yours, so forget the trips to their dad's and let them put that time to good use :)

Contact is supposed to be for the benefit of the children. I don’t think they can see any benefit

You are clearly a good mum and realise that having a good relationship with your children means putting in effort. He either doesn’t realise that or doesn’t care. I’d drop the effort you are putting in. It’s up to him to put in some effort.

Thank you ladies, I realise your all absolutely right and I shouldn't need to force them to go if they don't want too their both old enough to make those choices themselves now and if their father wants to make the effort he knows where they are.