3 consecutive days each week without seeing baby

[MyPanda]

DD is 9 months and I'll be going back to work at 12 months. I had always planned to back on 3 X 10 hr days (need 30 hrs a week financially, and commute is long so makes sense to do long days). I had envisaged doing two blocks (say Mon, Wed, Thurs) however nursery has only offered Wed, Thurs Fri) plus my employer has expressed a preference that I work on consecutive days, so it looks like that's how it's going to be. I'll be out of the house 6.30am - 7.30pm Her dad will take her in and collect her each day and I won't see her for 3 days straight

Is there anyone here who works similar hours? How do you find it? Should I push hard

Sorry, posted too soon.

Should I push hard to change to non consecutive days? (I have a friend with a child at the same nursery so may be able to swap a day.. work may not be happy though). Any words of wisdom?

I can't change jobs unfortunately.

Sorry, posted too soon.

Should I push hard to change to non consecutive days? (I have a friend with a child at the same nursery so may be able to swap a day.. work may not be happy though). Any words of wisdom?

I can't change jobs unfortunately.

Can you not reduce hours and work a 4th day and use nursery for 4 days?

Can you not reduce hours and work a 4th day and use nursery for 4 days?

Can you not just put her to bed later so you see her?
Why stick to a rigid routine if it doesnt suit? You could come home from work and do bedtime.

You will still see her, she may just be asleep

And it gives you 4 quality days with her

Just wanted to say I did this with my DC when I went back to work (12.5 hour shifts). I felt it was better to get it all done and dusted. She had her dad to sort her out during those three days. When I was off work, I'd take her out and do all sorts because it was not a weekend! I found that I felt I had a really good balance of career and family. And in fact, I had a year of not having to do it (covid) but am just about to do it again (hopefully .. need to solidify my hours). I just found that whilst I am at work (and I am physically away from the house for me), it means I don't feel that horrible pull of needing to do everything and when I am home, I am there and present with my family

Just wanted to say I did this with my DC when I went back to work (12.5 hour shifts). I felt it was better to get it all done and dusted. She had her dad to sort her out during those three days. When I was off work, I'd take her out and do all sorts because it was not a weekend! I found that I felt I had a really good balance of career and family. And in fact, I had a year of not having to do it (covid) but am just about to do it again (hopefully .. need to solidify my hours). I just found that whilst I am at work (and I am physically away from the house for me), it means I don't feel that horrible pull of needing to do everything and when I am home, I am there and present with my family

Just wanted to say I did this with my DC when I went back to work (12.5 hour shifts). I felt it was better to get it all done and dusted. She had her dad to sort her out during those three days. When I was off work, I'd take her out and do all sorts because it was not a weekend! I found that I felt I had a really good balance of career and family

Gosh, mumsnet is very glitchy

Yes I would also just get bedtime moved back a bit. She can be collected from nursery by her dad and he can feed and get ready for bed. Then when you come in at 7.30pm you can spend 30mins or so playing, reading and taking to bed if you like.

I work 4 days with more regular hours, but even so I don't see DD much on my working days. Quick breakfast and out, then in the evening she is so exhausted that she goes to bed pretty early, in the early days about 6, but even now often asleep by 6.30. So personally your working pattern sounds a good compromise to give 4 days at home.

I also don't agree with a pp that keeping a young child up later so you can put them to bed is a great plan. It depends on the child of course, but they may be seriously overtired and need bed...I know mine certainly did for her first year or so in nursery.

Yes I do this. 8-6 W T F. I went back to work last year and did childcare drop off at 730am...dad had him 4-6pm then I got home just after 6, did BF and bed. Because of Covid and working at home more now there is more flexibility so it isn’t so rigid. However I make sure those 4 days I’m with him nearly all of the time and we have great fun!

Can you do one day from home?

Can you co sleep? Then you'd have cuddles at night

Thanks all - really good to get views. Unfortunately it just doesn't make sense financially/commute wise to stretch work over 4 days. WFH may be an option (they haven't decided what there policy will be after covid restrictions have ended) but likely to be on an ad hoc basis and not guaranteed.

Putting back bedtime or cosleeping are also options.. DD is an absolutely terrible sleeper though, so I'll have to be lead by what's best for her and I don't think that'll be clear until she's started nursery/dropped a nap or 2 etc. It may be that she can do a short nap after nursery, then bed a bit later (she's currently on 3 naps and an 8pm bedtime).

@Awarsewolf how did your baby react to not seeing you for such long stretches? Tbh my main worry is that it'll affect our bond At the moment I'm breastfeeding and I'm the one who puts her down for every single sleep (and am up half the night with her!) so changing that seems like a huge deal (tbf it'll still be me up in the night, but hopefully she'll be sleeping a but better by then 🤞🤞).

Oh gosh, that sounds horrible. I wouldn’t do it, sorry @MyPanda. I took a financial hit and spread my 30hrs over 4 days. Financially 3 long days were better for me but it’s just not worth it. So I suck up the cost and do 4 days and it’s worked perfectly (bank balance aside).

If the days have to be consecutive I wouldn’t be doing it. That’s a very long time apart in a tiny one.

Yes, if you're basically breaking even maybe it's worth it short term because you're I'll still be contributing to your pension pot, get pay rises and bonuses hopefully?) And generally it is just better to keep on with a job if you can.

Also how much annual leave do you get? Cause if you didn't take week or two week blocks you could spread out days every few weeks to have off with her.
It sure is tricky though

I think the 3 longer days is better than 4. If you spread it to 4 you wouldn't really see her much more and it's another day of commuting & childcare costs, the very small gain just doesn't seem worth it, to me.

Why will you have to do the nights? Why can't DH? Apart from the fact it's not fair on you, you might find it means DD sleeps even 'less well'. She currently has a reason not to self settle when she wakes up -cuddle time with mummy! If it's just straight back down if Daddy goes in (no smell of BM) it's far less appealing to them to stay awake & they learn to self settle more easily.

It's hard when you're used to being with her 24/7 but you'll all get used to the routine.

I think I'd prefer to do as you originally planned, is there a genuine reason fir them wanting the days to be consecutive? Or are they just being awkward? I'm struggling to think of a job where it would actually make any real difference

Whatever you do, make sure DH & DD are spending more time alone together before then & you're not rushing in to sort things out.

That sounds really hard.
But you will probably find that you do see her in the evening, especially if she is a poor sleeper!

I went back to work when my dd was 7 months and worked shorter hours than you, but over 5 days.

My advice is don't be rigid with a routine simply because it's what you "should do". Obviously, dont wake the baby up just for the sake of it! But if you find that your baby is often still awake later in the evening, don't stress about an early bedtime.... take advantage of it for some cuddly time together.
Do what works for you and your family.
For us, that was co sleeping and night time breast feeding (dd wouldn't take any milk from a bottle at nursery only water, so I gave up expressing and she drank water at nursery then made up for it at night). This worked for us, but something else may work for you. When she got a bit older, bedtime involved lots and lots of story time with me/her dad lying next to her in bed. Some people would say that was making a rod for our own backs, but I didn't see her at all during the day so this was a special time for us! I still enjoy bedtime now and she is 6. Sometimes she falls asleep quickly, sometimes we chat about her day for a while and read lots of stories.

This is the only time of the day during the week when we can spend real time together, so we make the most of it. Our bond is great.

My point is, do what works for you which will be different to what I did, and almost certainly different to what the books say.