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Parenting

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Intentional Bed wetting help

8 replies

HoldTightandPretenditsaPlan · 12/05/2021 10:43

Our 7 year old boy has recently starting wetting the bed after being dry for just over 6 months. We had input from the enuresis team and got a good routine going and he was dry bar a couple of accidents which he was very upset about. He was so proud of himself for not wearing a pull up and being dry and we were obviously too.
Recently we've found out we're expecting another child (he already has 2 other siblings) and it seems he's regressed since he found out. He has wet the bed 12 nights in the last 14 weeks and doesn't seem to care at all. When we ask him about it, he says "I don't know" with a smirk on his face - which to be fair, could be a nervous smile.
He comes in as soon as its happened (previously he didn't wake and would only know in the morning). He wakes us up, we send him to the loo and change his sheets and he goes back to sleep.

For clarity, he is my partner's son and my step-son. We have shared care and he lives here here half of the time. The 14 nights mentioned are the last 14 nights he's stayed here. He's only had one accident at Mum's which is why we're all (Mum, Dad and I) sure it's intentional. He is so loved and not at all starved of attention.

Anyway, I'm after some advice on what to do to stop the bedwetting. I also want to make it clear that we're almost certain it's intentional. He's had urine samples taken which were clear.

OP posts:
CatWithKittens · 12/05/2021 11:54

I would be very careful before deciding it is intentional. This little boy has had a lot of changes in his life and is still living with the consequences of them. The fact that he has more accidents when he is with you may not be mere coincidence but it could be, could it not, that your pending arrival makes him feel less secure with you than he has been but not with his mother. even if it is "deliberate" your post makes me suspect very strongly that this is not naughtiness but a real cry for reassurance and even more overt loving that he normally needs.

HoldTightandPretenditsaPlan · 12/05/2021 13:29

@CatWithKittens I absolutely agree it's a cry for reassurance. And I think you may have misinterpreted my tone... I don't think he's being naughty at all. This new arrival will be a big change for him and we're aware of this and want to help. I don't want to punish him or anything along those lines. I want him to feel secure here, but I'm at a loss for what to do.

He easily gets the most attention of all of the children as he is the most sensitive and needing of it. Nothing we do is ever enough for him to feel less insecure. He complains about how his other siblings get "better" or "more" and it's simply not the case. He gets one to one time EVERY single week, always on a Wednesday evening timetabled and then throughout the week on a less structured basis. He gets taken to the park on his own, he gets to cook and help with the cleaning (which he loves), his dad plays roblox with him, we read with him all one to one on top of the family things we do. He's so resentful of any time we spend with the others especially the youngest. He even said he winds his younger sister up because he likes it when she cries. I don't get where we're going wrong.

I know the wetting will also be affecting his confidence and is then self perpetuating. And, if I'm honest I'm tired of doing laundry too. This post come from a place of wanting to support him not berate him. He's a good kid with low self worth and at 7, that's so sad. We've clear made some mistakes but we want to be better and do better for him and the other kids.

OP posts:
CatWithKittens · 12/05/2021 14:56

I wasn't sure and I'm sorry if I erred on the side of caution in my earlier post - it is always difficult to get a true feel for a situation from posts which is why I rarely enter into emotional minefields! However as you rightly say this is a problem which can be self perpetuating - my DH was sent away to school at about your son's age (Service parents made it necessary) and suffered dreadfully because he wet his bed, despite all the promises that had been made to his parents about how it would be treated.
I don't suppose you are doing anything wrong but I do wonder if professional help might offer more than any of us can via these forums?
Me getting it wrong may provide an answer to that! Sorry for misreading your neutral post as potentially unsupportive of your son.

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CatWithKittens · 12/05/2021 14:56

I wasn't sure and I'm sorry if I erred on the side of caution in my earlier post - it is always difficult to get a true feel for a situation from posts which is why I rarely enter into emotional minefields! However as you rightly say this is a problem which can be self perpetuating - my DH was sent away to school at about your son's age (Service parents made it necessary) and suffered dreadfully because he wet his bed, despite all the promises that had been made to his parents about how it would be treated.
I don't suppose you are doing anything wrong but I do wonder if professional help might offer more than any of us can via these forums?
Me getting it wrong may provide an answer to that! Sorry for misreading your neutral post as potentially unsupportive of your son.

CatWithKittens · 12/05/2021 14:59

I wasn't sure and I'm sorry if I erred on the side of caution in my earlier post - it is always difficult to get a true feel for a situation from posts which is why I rarely enter into emotional minefields! However as you rightly say this is a problem which can be self perpetuating - my DH was sent away to school at about your son's age (Service parents made it necessary) and suffered dreadfully because he wet his bed, despite all the promises that had been made to his parents about how it would be treated.
I don't suppose you are doing anything wrong but I do wonder if professional help might offer more than any of us can via these forums?
Me getting it wrong may provide an answer to that! Sorry for misreading your neutral post as potentially unsupportive of your son.

User0ne · 12/05/2021 15:47

If you're fairly certain it's deliberate then you should ensure he's inconvenienced by it: so he has to help change the sheets, he's woken up to use the toilet before you go to bed etc. No punishments though.

Keep up the 1-1 time but try to make sure the other children aren't missing out. He could be emotionally damaged/maladjusted if he always gets special treatment

User0ne · 12/05/2021 15:54

If you're fairly certain it's deliberate then you should ensure he's inconvenienced by it: so he has to help change the sheets, he's woken up to use the toilet before you go to bed etc. No punishments though.

Keep up the 1-1 time but try to make sure the other children aren't missing out. He could be emotionally damaged/maladjusted if he always gets special treatment

listentotherainonthewindowpane · 12/05/2021 18:06

If it is deliberate then maybe it's to get your attention? you say he gets more attention than the other children but that it does not seem to be enough for him....he senses with a new baby on the way that attention won't be focused so much on him.

I don't think he should get more attention than the others...how do the others feel about him getting all the attention? they will resent it at some point. its very tricky, I think like you say it's not really him being "naughty"

perhaps you should suggest those pull up pants. .might put him off doing it?

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