ADVICE PLEASE!!! About a moving situation

[JessLouisee]

So I have a stepdaughter who currently lives about 1 hr 30 min away from us, we get to see her every other weekend. We have always wanted to move closer but never had the money now we have more means to do this however her mum is wanting to move to London to be with her new partner. We want to move just to be closer but the houses are like double the price of the one we have now. We also want to have our own child together (currently having fertility problems at the moment) however if are able to have a child we would have no one there to help with childcare and we would both need to work to afford a high mortgage. My partner says we would have to realistically decide between having a baby and not moving or not having a baby and moving but I don't want to choose between one or the other. I love my stepdaughter and don't want her to feel abandoned. Any advice?

In this instance I really do think you need to put yourself first. The decision for me would definitely be to have a baby.and not move. It's not your choice for step daughter to move away. What happens if you do move and step daughters mom decides to move again? You can't up sticks and move wherever she goes.

If she's one and half hours away now, how much longer of a journey will it be when she moves to London?

How old is the stepdaughter?

You're a wonderful step parent for even CONSIDERING not having a baby in order to move closer to her. For me, I could never sacrifice having my own biological child, especially if seeing step daughter wasn't 50/50 xx

It would be 50/50 once we make to move as we would all be close enough to do it, she's 10. The journey would be 4 and a half hours so we wouldn't be able to have weekends anymore as getting her there and back would be too long in tbe car to keep doing it also fuel, miles on the car and we would barely get any time because of taking her back early for school. She's my stepdaughter but I love her like she is my own and don't know want her to be that far away that we won't see her but I have also wanted to be a mum as long as I can remember although we have been trying for a year and still not concieved

I'm in camp stay where you are too, unless you really want to live in London it seems too much of a sacrifice to not be able to have your own family and also a big risk that if DD's mum's new relationship breaks down or they decide to move again you'll be stuck where you don't want to be.

But it does seem a bit defeatist to say this means you'll basically never see SD- are you sure you wouldn't be able to manage at least the occasional weekend stay if the move to London happens? As it's your SD's mum that is making the move, it seems reasonable that she helps out with the travel (both in costs and time) to get her to you/your Dad for contact so I would ask that she does half the travelling (maybe to meet you at a midway point?), also as SD's 10 she's getting to the age where it would be possible/safe for Mum to put her on a train from the mainline station in London and you to pick her up from nearest big city (so she doesn't have to manage any changes or anything and Dad can meet her direct from the train) which would make it much more manageable - she can do homework or watch TV on an Ipad or something, a couple of hours on the train will fly by. Train tickets can be fairly affordable if you get a railcard and book far in advance and as I say it seems fair for the ex to make a contribution too. If she's a young/immature 10 she's maybe a bit young to do the journey solo yet but the move presumably won't happen overnight and by the time she's at secondary school it should be fine... Plus of course you can ask for extended holiday contact, and perhaps 3 or 4 times a year have a weekend away staying in a cheap AirBnB in London or somewhere closeish to be able to have DD with you for that time?

If you are prepared to move, and you are sure this move to London is real and permanent rather than a notion/impulse on behalf of the ex, I would look to move to somewhere more like halfway from where you are now, a lot of the midlands would be plenty affordable and just-about accessible to London for a weekend (or more so than 4.5 hours anyway). Plus you'd be closer to your family also...