A child's temperament

[Mamabear04]

Do difficult babies turn into difficult toddlers/children/teenagers? Is this a thing? Or do they mellow out with time?

My difficult baby, turned into a difficult toddler snd ‘tricky’ child. They are slowly getting better. My friends child was great as a baby, nightmare as a toddler and young child but now at 8 is mostly a pleasure to be with.

My baby was highly strung, very sensitive and incredibly wilful. She got a bit easier between 18 - 24 months and now, at 2.5, she is back to being a real nightmare handful. All the same character traits that were there at a few months old. I've reconciled myself to the fact that this is how she is, and maybe she'll mellow out in adulthood! I'm expecting my second at the end of the year and I'm praying for a more laid back child this time around.

There's hope! My difficult baby started becoming delightful from about 18 months and is now an incredible 2 and a bit year old, really playful, fun and chatty. Doesn't really tantrum much, but can be extremely defiant and is fiercely independent. Although nursery called her 'hard work' yesterday, so possibly I've just got used to it now and I have no basis for comparison

Cross posted @eyebagsandgladrags good intel, maybe I should brace myself for it to get harder again...Argh! Congrats on your pregnancy

Babies are usually difficult because they have an as yet unmet need - which is not usually the fault of the parent, I hasten to add! The baby who wants holding 24/7 or cries a lot has a reason - reflux, colic, cow's milk protein allergy, tongue tie causing difficulty feeding/ gulping air and resulting discomfort, sensory issues which cannot be diagnosed in babyhood but cause sensory seeking or sensory avoidance, and of course teething is more painful for some babies than others just as wisdom teeth cause more problems for some young adults than others.

Those things are in most cases not predictors of the mostly different issues which cause toddlers, children and teens to present with challenging behaviour.

Also parental personality plays a massive role in what's perceived as "difficult" - for some people holding a baby all day is unbearable - they have to put the baby down, the baby cries, the baby is "difficult". For other people carrying a newborn/ baby under 6 months all the time and safe cosleeping is instinctive, natural, what both mother and baby want - baby is content, baby is "easy".

The parent who finds the baby phase easy might find the toddler or child or teen phase hard though, and vice versa.

A lot of parents find certain phases very challenging or very natural, and this isn't necessarily a true reflection of whether the child is "easy" or "difficult" but of the parent's natural comfort zone.

My baby was the most beautiful and easy little person to parent. Same when a toddler too. School hit and it all changed.... Suspected ASD, under CYPS, doesn't sleep and can be very, very hard to parent her at times.

DD was a nightmare baby - cried all the time; very difficult toddler- many tantrums; demanding child but has got easier and easier every year and is now a mainly delightful teen. Her personality hasn't changed she's just more able to handle her essentially anxious and wilful thoughts.

DS was a lovely baby, snuggly toddler but was pretty difficult from 3yo to about 10yo I think he was coming out of it but a lack of socialising due to year of covid really hasn't helped.

Was the opposite for me. DD was an extraordinarily difficult baby - barely slept, screamed almost constantly, only ever calm when being breastfed, which she wanted to do constantly - but from about 18 months just for easier and lovelier and is now the sweetest, most chilled out 9 yo.

DS was the model baby who'd "read all the baby books" - napped on a predictable schedule, slept through from weeks old, rarely cried, so smiley, he was a delight. Was a pretty good toddler (both of mine went through a three year old goblin stage though) but once he started school he became more and more hard work - needy, whingey, insecure and demanding. He's still a sweet and very affectionate boy at nearly 7, but he's much harder work than his sister was by that age.

My eldest was very hard work as a baby and is still pretty demanding now, aged nearly 3. The jury is out as to whether she'll mellow once she clears the 'terrible twos'/'threenager' stages.

This thread is a cautionary tale against any parental smugness - it seems no child is "easy" all the way through and, similarly, have one easy/difficult baby is no guarantee that you'll have another!

@Doodledoop your DD sounds similar to mine (the anxious and wilful bit!) so your post has given me a bit of optimism. Mine is funny, affectionate, bright little girl but she is also stubborn, easily upset, clingy (anxious) and very, very prone to tantrums. She's all weathers in one day!

@eyebagsandgladrags if it helps, the key to turning DD around at 3 was getting her to fully take on-board 'you can have a hug whenever you like you just have to ask (unless I'm holding a hot drink I have to put that down first).' I also read a book called 'freeing your child from negative thinking' by Tamar Chansky which was very useful.

She is really bright and bubbly - everyone loves her and she has acted on stage in a national production so she is amazeballs but Oh the negative thinking!

My difficult baby (think screaming/ crying most of the day for 18 months) turned into a strong willed, stubborn and yes, sometimes difficult almost 3 year old. However, I wouldn’t say she tantrums that often and she is also the most loving, the most caring, so clever and affectionate, full of energy and just has the funniest most lovely personality ever. I wouldn’t swap her for a quiet/ easy child for anything. I love her the way she is!

DS was an horrendous baby. He’s 2 now and generally delightful bar the occasional (daily) expected toddler tantrum.

DD was an absolute joy as a baby, chunky, smiley, slept like a dream, absolutely the best baby you could imagine. she's a somewhat difficult 9 year old

My difficult baby/toddler/child massively mellowed around 13 years old and is a delightful teen (now 15). She has always been quite tenacious which made it hard work when young as she is strong minded and full of energy but it is great as a teen. She is assertive and is living life and throwing herself into school and her hobbies.
My very sweet and calm baby/toddler/child has become very hard work from about age 10 (he is now nearly 12). He is so laid back it is very hard work getting him to move towards being independent and his laid back attitude does him no favours at school whatsoever! I have had 2 calls from school this week so far 😖

My sister was a perfect baby, perfect toddler, perfect child. In every sense. She hit 12, then got diagnosed with autism. At 13, became anorexic and it's still ongoing. Severe anxiety from 13 and now at 17, smokes drugs and is a nightmare.

DD has always been very sensitive which made her very hard work as a baby / toddler. She's still sensitive but at school etc. She an absolute angel because she doesn't ever want to get into trouble!

DS was an easier baby and toddler, much more chilled. He's 4 now and although quite a happy little chappy because he's so confident he's a bit of a monkey!!

My challenging baby has stayed that way right into adulthood !

Both of my boys were gorgeous placid babies - no problems with either

DS1 - lovely toddler/preschooler, pretty horrendous 5-10/11 year old , been an absolute delight since - now 17. We dreaded his teens due to how he was as a child.

DS2 - pain in the arse pre schooler/toddler, delightful 5yrs onwards. Now 12 and still pretty lovely - dreading his teens though as he's been the total opposite of his big brother so expecting his teens to be interesting....

My 5yo has been high maintenance all her life! Can't see her changing either!

8yo fairly easy going apart from one or two blips along the way so far.