Please tell me about your grumpy, miserable babies!

[TaVeryMuchLove]

When did they start to cheer up? What are they like now they’re older? I need a light at the end of the tunnel!

DS2 is almost 9 months old and miserable pretty much all the time. Constantly grizzling, crying or full on screaming. It’s not even like this is a new phase - he’s been like it since 8 weeks. Please tell me it’ll get better and he’ll cheer up. I’m so drained.

Oh gosh mine was the most miserable small human known to mankind. He cried constantly and has a pretty permenant scowl. He did not chatter when he woke he wailed, he cried everytime I put him down and then again when I picked him up, when I left the room, if I sneezed, if I had the audacity to breath too loudly... You get the picture...

He's now 16 months and it began to get better about 3ish months ago although he still has his moments. If it's any consolation everyones told me he will be a happy child because he was a miserable baby/toddler. Truthfully I'm not sure I believe them and I'm also not convinced if its much more tolerable or I've just learnt to live with the noise.

Although the honest mum in me sometimes still idly wonders if its acceptable to just leave him to womble his way across the park in the hope someone takes him and gives me 10 minutes peace (they would 100% bring him back before the 10 minutes was up).

I was you!! I had the worlds grumpiest baby ever - genuinely he cried pretty much for the first year. As a toddler he was much better - although still very emotional and it was highs and lows. He’s 4 now and is AMAZING. He’s so gentle and sensitive, and incredible big brother and all around just an amazing kid. He’s very in touch with emotions still but now has the means to explain it to me (ie he’ll tell me he’s nervous, or anxious, or sad etc and why).
Hang on in there - This won’t be his personality forever and I def found the more independent he became the better. My second baby was very happy, very easy and rarely cried - he was a dream by comparison but I fear it was luring me into a false sense of security and he’ll end up being my tricky one!

Thank you for your replies and the glimmer of hope they’ve given me. I’ve been waiting from when he was 8 weeks old for things to improve and just feel like I’m reaching breaking point. It’s been yet another day of constant whinging and crying and screaming and I just feel done.

Apparently my DH was a very serious & grizzly baby.

For him, the grizzly bit was because he had lots of ear infections as a baby & toddler and eventually needed grommets.

He is still pretty serious by nature but has become more silly & light hearted since becoming a dad. It’s funny that their personalities are pretty much locked in from the start!

Pretty sure my DD won the title of most miserable baby! She’s just turned 1 and whilst she still has her moments, once she learned to crawl she was much happier. I think a lot of it is frustration. It gets better!

@TaVeryMuchLove

Thank you for your replies and the glimmer of hope they’ve given me. I’ve been waiting from when he was 8 weeks old for things to improve and just feel like I’m reaching breaking point. It’s been yet another day of constant whinging and crying and screaming and I just feel done.

Sending virtual hugs. Unless you've a high needs baby I honestly don't think people can comprehend and understand how draining it can be. The positive news is it will get better eventually. Just remember there's lots of us in the same boat and we will always be here to empathise and offer encouraging words until the worst is over.

My DD was a very angry and whingy baby. She’s much better now that she’s crawling though. Started crawling around 10.5 months. She’s just about to turn 1. Doesn’t cry much nowadays, she just goes around investigating everything in the house all day long and she’s happy. I was like you a couple of months ago, broken by all the whinging and reaching for the earplugs. Hope it Betts better for you soon OP

I too had a very unhappy baby. I think she basically hated being a baby.... She got happier at each milestone out of babyhood - crawling, walking, talking, so it definitely was frustration in part. She's still quite intense but everyone delights in her now and finds her great company and she's an amazing big sister. She's almost nine.
My next baby was so easy going and cheerful (became a tricky toddler though). Made me realise it wasn't anything I was doing wrong...
Have a look at high needs babies - if I'd seen that kind of info at the time, I think it would really have helped.

Thank you all, your words have really helped me. My first baby was so calm and relaxed, this has been a bit of a shock! I’ve been blaming myself, thinking I must be doing something wrong, or that there’s something wrong with him but HV and GP haven’t been interested. It also makes me sad that I’m neglecting my 4 year old because the baby takes so much of my time and energy

Nobody prepares you for a grumpy, high needs baby, do they. When I was pregnant I think I assumed all babies were quite generic and didn’t show much in the way of temperament. They ate and slept and pooped and laughed and cried in equal measures. When DS (10.5 mo) showed up I realised otherwise. He is such a fuss pot, has been since birth. Not a chill bone in his body. He doesn’t scream or cry hugely, but 90% of our days are spent with a background fuss and whinge. He’s only happy when he’s outside, in busy places with lots of stimulation. It was beginning to settle - I remember thinking he was a bit easier and more cheerful around about 8 months, but then it massively ramped up again - he’s completely bypassed crawling and is desperate to walk but isn’t particularly close. He’s getting so cross and angry with himself, we’ve had our first glimpses of tantrums in the last few days. We went through all the diagnoses: reflux, cmpa etc, but I’m certain he’s just majorly frustrated and intense. Like you say it’s utterly exhausting and draining. I love him to pieces but I am looking forward to going back to work for a break! You have my sympathy and I hope you find some balance for your other child. It’s great to read other people’s experiences xx

Same as @Slavetominidictator - mine was a grumpy, non sleeping baby, never seemed happy , threw legendary tantrums as a toddler (and beyond 😬) - She’s still erm intense (and moody as we enter the teenage years) , but also passionate, talented , and fab company - she’s a very independent soul and I think being a baby bored her 😂

One of our twins was so grumpy. Even when not crying she was glaring at everyone. We called her El Diablo as she wore a poncho fashioned from muslins (because she was very sicky) and that along with the scowling gave her the appearance of a Mexican villain. However when the sicky stage stopped she started sleeping better and cheering up and now aged 4 she is literally the funniest child I've ever met.

We didn't actually name her El Diablo, it was a nickname, incase anyone's wondering!

Mine whinged and griped until he was walking at 14 months. I think it was belly ache as he's always had IBS type issues. He was a lovely easy toddler and grew up into a delightful young man!

Honestly, reading all your experiences has made me feel so much better. Thank you for sharing! We’ve started a new day today with the usual grumbling and grizzling, but I l’m feeling a bit better in myself so will hopefully cope with it better today.

“El Diablo” really made me laugh!

My 2nd DS was born 8 weeks early & was so v.sleepy, uninterested in breast feeding at all, & he went onto bottle feeding within a week of coming home (think he was about 7 weeks old then).
But he hated being held - you know, nestled into you as you feed baby, like the lovely pictures show you. He used to arch his back, writhe & wriggle, even for a time grit his wee gums together & refuse the bottle/teat.

Eventually we learned to prop him into the corner of the sofa & hold the bottle out for him to drink from. So a no holds feeding.

Because of his delayed start he was slower than his actual age to roll over & sit etc, & used to get so frustrated & just scream. I truly wanted to take him back to the hospital ; leave him there, he was nothing like my first born. Poor child.

But, when he got to about 15 mths old & was more self mobile & was eating foods himself, say rusks he could hold he became so much happier & more settled.
And as a 33 yr old he is still not that demonstrative, only just puts up with hugs from his Mum 🤣

I was lucky to have two very easy babies. I think they were probably just born that way.

One thing that was really really helpful though, once they were 6-8months plus was teaching baby signing. Once they started to pick it up and sign back, it was amazing to see how a small baby (less than one year old) could tell you what they wanted. So I didn't have to guess or try to work out whether they were hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, cold, wanted a new nappy or whatever - they could literally tell me. They lost the frustration of not being able to express their wants ("I'm not cold, for goodness sake! Don't give me another blanket! I want a drink!) and it was like a small miracle. Also made potty training a doddle, but that was a side benefit.

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it as something that might help some parents/babies. Think it took about 3-4 weeks for the baby to start picking it up. Not difficult, you just basically start making hand signs as you do things: "Do you want a drink? (I think that was clenching and unclenching a fist) Here's your drink. (clench and unclench). Read book on how to do it, but you could make up your own signs.

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it as something that might help some parents/babies.

Ah it's a fab suggestion and a good one if it works but sadly one that doesn't work for all. Alas mine didn't get the memo and was far too fucking stubborn to sign even though I did it pretty much from birth.

My DS was a high need baby. He was my first child and I nearly didn't have any more as he was such hard work. Once he was out of the toddler stage everything changed. He is a teenager now and he is a very caring, sensitive, funny and conscientious boy.

Been chatting to my mum and she says my brother was so high needs and whingey as a baby she had to put him in his cot and leave the room regularly when she felt frustrated as per advice from the doctor but as soon as he could walk his personality changed completely.She thinks he just wanted to be a toddler asap!

My grumpy miserable baby is now 19 and is a delight to have in the house!!
Like a pp she had awful ear infections and tonsillitis as a toddler and I wonder if that had anything to do with it.
She became happier after about a year old but was definitely a child who always demanded attention.
All worked out though as she is absolutely brilliant now!

I definitely think some of it is frustration. He’s been wanting to be mobile for ever but is only really on the cusp of crawling now. So maybe 50% frustration and 50% just general misery! 😂

DD2 was a swine.
Cried/grizzed/moaned all day for about a year, then still pretty grumpy/temperamental until she was two. She was a late talker which I think led to increased frustration. She settled down as a preschooler, and became excellent company, although she threw epic tantrums. She's 10 now and has a very sunny disposition 90% of the time, but is still prone to the occasional shouty fit (like her mother ).

Mine was super grumpy. At 6/7 months he started crawling. By 9 months he was confidently walking. Now 12 months, he’s been far happier the last 3-4 months since he can move around.
Now he can climb where he wants to go, open doors, open toilet lids!, climb stairs, run about etc he’s just so much happier and I think wears himself out so now sleeps better to. ( was waking every hr before walking)

I think he just didn’t like being a ‘baby’ and having to just lie there

My first was like this. He cried all the time as a baby and like you I just felt like I was waiting for the day that it got easier, it didn't. The crying just turned into constant whinging. Then it gradually started to get better once he could walk. Then when he was around 18 months I remember having 2 weeks off work and it wasn't until the end of it I looked back and thought wow we've actually had such a nice time! He's 5 now and so lovely and happy. I'd do it all again! with rose tinted glasses.