Toddler and newborn

[MamaGeePee]

I'm sat feeling like a terrible mother.

Today has been my first day looking after my 2.5 year old and 9 week old. I feel overwhelmed. I've had a lot of support recently because I've had a really long pp recovery. But today I'm alone and just feel like I can't cope.

We don't have a TV so we don't have screen time. We can't go outside because the weather is awful and I'm still struggling mobility wise with my recovery. My 9 week old only sleeps over 30mins if held.

If 1 hasn't been crying the other has. I just don't know to juggle the 2.

Sorry you’re having such a tough time. Have you tried a sling for the baby? Mine virtually lived in it at that age and it really freed me up to do other things.

I have similar ages and second a sling. Go easy on yourself it will get better.

I've got a carrier so maybe I need to start using that more often. I just feel like I'm not giving either of them enough of me.

With a 2 and half year between them.
You should try and get the baby in a routine especially for sleeping.
Change her feed her and then put her down for sleep.
She will probably cry for 5/10 mins then she will fall asleep.after doing this for one week the baby will go to sleep by her self.
And not cry when you put her down.
Then this give you quality time with you son to play or just sit and relax with him reading stories.
Try to enjoy every minute because they are not babies for long
They grow in to teenagers and don't ever what to spend time with you 😁😁

Honestly some days at that stage if we all got to end of the day fed, and safe then it counted as a success. It does get better over time I promise.

You've obvs got a smartphone or computer/laptop - cbeebies is your friend. There are no medals for making life harder for yourself.

All your feelings are totally natural - I am in the exact same position only a few months ahead with my 2.5 year old and 4 month old. There were a lot of tough days at the start- probably the only time I’ve truly felt overwhelmed even compared to adjusting to motherhood the first time. It’s very difficult to not be hard on yourself. I find myself falling into this trap all the time but I promise it will become more manageable. For physical recovery I always told myself ‘I will feel a bit better with every passing day’ and this will be the case. It took me to week 10 ish before I really felt I could venture for a walk and even then it was when the toddler was in nursery (2 half days). With lockdown those two days have been my grace. Many of my friends who are/have been in similar position all say it’s complete survival mode. On non nursery days my biggest win has been the toddler in the stroller with baby in the carrier for a walk to get a takeaway coffee and it probably won’t get beyond that. It’s completely your choice whether to do screen time but personally for me it’s been a saviour at times. It’s still early days with baby but hopefully a rough routine / schedule will emerge for you and I try and utilise naps or whatever length to be as present as possible with toddler. Lots of breastfeeding at the dinner table trying to feed myself and negotiate with toddler to eat their dinner probably until 3 months. I have learned to keep expectations low with any sort of solid routine and worry much less with baby than I did with my first. I know people mean well saying they aren’t babies forever - of course it’s true but it doesn’t always make your reality feel easier. It’s been a tough year and this is a tough gig! I can only say from experience it gets more manageable and you will find massive bursts of joy in some days and other moments of frustration but most importantly - all of it is totally normal. I hope you are feeling well in yourself and feeling supported and recover physically soon - sending you much strength and hugs!

Buy a Telly!

It’s brutal! And I didn’t do it in lockdown, thank god. That really would’ve broken me.

If today was your first day then you’ll get used to your new routine. The first day alone is a big shock. Any day where we were all fed and had done something slightly productive (like a trip to the park) was a successful day. If I’d done any housework beyond unloading the dishwasher it was an extremely successful day!

And yes my toddler probably watched more tv and ate more snacks than he should’ve done. But he’s 5 now and seems to be doing just fine. And the baby is now 3 and seems to have survived the process too

For me following the toddlers routine helped a lot. So we’d go out on a morning around 9ish to the park/library/play group etc. Baby would usually sleep in the pram or sling and just come out for feeds. Then home for lunch and nap or quiet time (enforced play time in his room as he was dropping his nap) after lunch. Then in the afternoon we usually just stayed at home playing in garden or with toys or watching tv and counting down the hours til daddy came home from work. Get an iPad if you don’t want a tv and aren’t against screen time. Sometimes you just want them still and occupied.

DS also did 2 mornings a week at nursery which definitely saved my sanity

I had a similar age gap and I agree, it's brutal. I agree with PP, get something you can watch telly on (an actual telly, iPad or something) just to give yourself a break sometimes.

We found routine for the eldest and following that useful. We used to go to the park, a group or something in the morning (even if it was just a walk around the block in the rain to splash in puddles) and have a quieter afternoon. It's really daunting at first but you will get used to it (and get used to the exhaustion).

Same age gap here. Mine are now 3 and 6 months old. I still find it exhausting but it’s getting easier every day. For the first few months (which were over winter and completely bleak in full on lockdown) I just had the baby in the sling all day and got outside as much as possible. DC1 had never watched tv before DC2 came along but we introduced it and it’s been a lifesaver for when I’m just too knackered or need to feed the baby or get on with making dinner. It’s hard but it passes so quickly! Try to enjoy this time if you can. And be patient with the toddler - I regret some of my irritation from the early days.

I’d be getting a tv ASAP for the toddler to watch so you can stay sane x

I have a 2.5 year old and a 11 week old. Solidarity from me, it's hard but it does get easier as you get used to it! Bedtimes are the hardest.