MIL telling me my baby is HER baby

[Boomboomtown]

So the other day my MIL said to me: "I know you don't like me doing xyz with your baby, but when I look after her she's effectively MY baby then, so I think it's okay for me to do it."

Um...what? No, no she's not your baby, she's still mine. And I'd like you to listen to my wishes (said my internal dialogue!).

It was over how to feed her (she's learning to feed herself), and I don't really mind too much that she takes a different approach. It was just her reasoning behind it left me a bit shocked and I've not been able to let it go! I didn't say anything at the time about the comment and instead I focused just on finding middle ground on making sure LO feeds safely, but should I have said something? I didn't know how without it sounding aggressive.

She looks after my LO one day a week and I'm very grateful for her help, but I thought that was a bit much. Also, she took my LO to her friend's house during the peak of the cases in January. She didn't ask me, she just mentioned in passing that they'd visited someone, which nobody was supposed to be doing!

Sorry for my grump. I think I just needed to get this off my chest.

That’s weird and it’d make me feel uneasy about leaving my child with her tbh.

Well, don’t have her look after her? When you use paid childcare, you get to control the terms.

You are perfectly entitled to your grump! My MIL said to my DS1, 'who is your mummy?' Pointed at me and then said to him ' no I'm your mummy!' As in she was his mummy. He was about 20 months old at the time and I was fuming. Think she kept getting confused thinking my son was her son i.e my DH when he was a baby. She doesn't say things like that to my DS2 as I think she knows she gets on my nerves. Although she did say when visiting me in hospital after I'd just given birth to DS2 that she was taking him home and not bringing him back .

I don't use her for childcare though that's the difference here. Your mil should not be taking your son anywhere without your consent especially in a pandemic. If you have to use her I'd suggest setting some boundaries now otherwise she will continue to get on your nerves. Just wanted you to know you are not alone! Just keep saying no, she's my baby , my wishes, she'll soon get the message

Mine is the same, it’s so intense. She keeps saying she is going to kidnap DD and wants to bring her to bed with her. Keeps saying how she always wanted a third child, a girl, surprise surprise!

She is also looking after DD once a week while i work. The way I see it is if she wasn’t, I’d have to endure weekend visits from her on my time off instead. So I’m just trying to grin and bear it. Any issues though I’ll put her in Creche and DP can bring DD to visit her on his time off.

I usually roll my eyes a but at people upset at MILs or DMs saying "there's my baby girl", etc. 'cause it's just a turn of phrase but in this case I think you're right; odd, annoying and incorrect!

@Boomboomtown

So the other day my MIL said to me: "I know you don't like me doing xyz with your baby, but when I look after her she's effectively MY baby then, so I think it's okay for me to do it."

Um...what? No, no she's not your baby, she's still mine. And I'd like you to listen to my wishes (said my internal dialogue!).

It was over how to feed her (she's learning to feed herself), and I don't really mind too much that she takes a different approach. It was just her reasoning behind it left me a bit shocked and I've not been able to let it go! I didn't say anything at the time about the comment and instead I focused just on finding middle ground on making sure LO feeds safely, but should I have said something? I didn't know how without it sounding aggressive.

She looks after my LO one day a week and I'm very grateful for her help, but I thought that was a bit much. Also, she took my LO to her friend's house during the peak of the cases in January. She didn't ask me, she just mentioned in passing that they'd visited someone, which nobody was supposed to be doing!

Sorry for my grump. I think I just needed to get this off my chest.

Based on this single isolated incident your reaction seems strange. She’s clearly talking about responsibility and she’s right - while baby is under her care she should be empowered to make decisions. DS has always been blw and he’s 17 months now and eating fairly complex foods for his age - mum refuses to let him eat those when she’s taking care of him and insists on feeding him soft food suitable for a much younger baby. But it’s okay because she doesn’t know cpr and doesn’t want to take risks.

When she cared for nephews during Lockdown her going to friends’ houses wouldn’t have been a big deal to either DB or Sil because the risk is to mum not the kids. In fact sil’s DM even caught covid from my asymptomatic DNs.

So yeah we need the back story