Children have no friends

[Happycat1212]

I have 4 children in total but this post is just about my older 2 I have 2 children with autism, neither of them have any friends, daughter struggles to speak to other children and son just refuses and says he doesn’t want any friends, due to this they are never invited anywhere like play dates, parties, and we’ve never had any children here for them (obviously pre covid). I live on a main road so no children around the area either so they don’t play out, each holiday and weekend they spend alone as have no friends, I feel a bit sad about it but both are adamant they don’t want any friends, I don’t know if I should be doing more but even then I can’t come into school and force them to make friends. Should I be worried or just leave it?

I think as long as they are happy that's great. How old are they? Things might change once they are in secondary school. I went for tea to a couple of friends houses but never hung about on the streets / parks / under 18s discos etc. I was happy alone.

On the other hand I've had my both my kids friends for tea and sleepovers loads and I've stopped it. Seen corona I've realised I don't want other kids here all the time. Dd11 gets overwhelmed and likes to be alone after school. I have autism too and hate entertaining : chit chat x

We live on a main road too. When I was younger all the kids played together on a cul de sac. Literally every kid on the street apart from 1. I don't hear or see and kids playing around here but I know it can't be like this everywhere as I see photos on Facebook.

Are there any local after school groups your kids would like to join? That could improve socialisation by allowing them to meet different kinds of people & encourage them to make some friendships (even if they are loose).

My ASD daughter has no friends. And she's happy like that. She has been very clear to me that although it's nice to know people and have human contact to a certain degree, she's quite happy to not have friends. Too much hassle according to her. All that small talk and worrying she might do or say the wrong thing stresses her out. And really all we want is for them to be happy. We have to remind ourselves that what would make us happy is not what would make them happy.

I agree about thinking of other ways to encourage social interaction. A one-on-one play date can be quite intense. Would they enjoy Cubs / scouts? Or just going to the playground after school? How old are they?

Glad it’s not just them then! I feel so bad for them sometimes, they are 9 and 10. Some times I wish we lived in a nice big place where loads of kids played out but here I never see any children. We go to the park occasionally and children will try to play with them (usually when the park is empty and it’s just them and the other child) but they not interested at all, then another child will come and suddenly they will both be running around playing together! And my two just standing there watching them. Clubs are difficult as my daughter couldn’t go to them, she would need 1:1 she couldn’t be left in a group of children without supervision.

My ds is like this. He is autistic and never had much interest in his peers, to the point he would struggle to name the children in his class for the first few years of primary. I tried hard to help him form friendships when he was younger, and school out some interventions in place, but he couldn't negotiate friendship groups and want really motivated to try. He would sometimes enjoy playing with my friends children if we met up, but only if there were not too many, and he didn't have the skills or desire to build upon the friendship beyond that. It took me a long time to understand and accept that he is happy this way!
He is at secondary now, and has little interaction with his classmates, although there has been no sign of anything negative either, thankfully. He is very happy at school. He loves his teachers, and generally gets on better with adults, but I do try to nudge him towards a few activities with other children, things where the activities are the main focus, rather than socialising for the sake of socialising. Scouts is good.
I think it also helps that he is one of three. It's not always been an easy relationship with his siblings, but it does give him a peer group of sorts!