New baby coming, different dad - help!

[conkeyhead]

Hello

I'm really after some advice or names of good books I can read to my four year old daughter. Her father is not around at all, never has been so we were on our own until she was two. Then met DP and we're having a baby in Feb, which we're all really excited about. Her and DP absolutely adore eachother and I hope will do even more when the baby arrives, but it's throwing up some little issues with DD.

For example, she calls him by his name and refers to him as step daddy when asked, but then the other day said she wanted to marry him when she's older (as opposed to me marrying him) because she loves him so much. She also said she wanted a boyfriend to live in the house, as I had one that lived and slept with me.

I've tried to explain the difference between daddies that "give the seed" to mummies (I didn't blush!!!) and daddies that choose to love and look after children and that DP will be the first type of daddy to the new baby but all the love won't change etc etc but I think she's finding it all very confusing (cos frankly - it is!!).

I think some of it will sort out once the baby is born and fall into place, but I do want to give her as much of a chance to get it clear in her head whilst I have the time to make it as easy and smooth as poss.

Basically I'm trying to deal with the new baby thing; as well as the daddy/step daddy thing.

Someone's recommended a Angelina ballerina book about her new little sister which sounds quite good; do you know any others or particularly any about adoptive/step parents type thing??

Sounds like a bit of a long shot now I've written it down !!

Any advice gratefully received!!

thanks

It doesn't sound as if she's confused about it; isn't the whole wanting to marry daddy thing a totally normal developmental stage for little girls? It might be a good idea if your DP spends some extra time with your DD after the new baby's born to help reassure her that she's still just as special. Sounds like they already have a great relationship and she won't need to get it any clearer in her head until she's ready to grow up a some more and it's probably a bad time to push her to grow up if she's just about to become a sister.

totally agree that the marrying daddy thing is normal, my ds is 4 and tells me every day that he wants to marry me! It's the only way they know to tell you how much they love you!

You sound like you've got a nice little family there, congratulations! When I was having dd3, my kids loved the Usbourne book 'the new baby' it's very simplistic but it is a typical nuclear family, although you are mummy, daddy, child and baby aren't you?! at the end of the day, anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy! and even though your dp is not your dd's natural father, it doesn't stop him being her daddy. Good luck.

You could also think about downplaying the difference in the relationship between your DD and DP and your new baby and your DP (maybe seeing if your DD would like to call him daddy, and explaining the human relationahip bit as being more important than the biology bit). Now would be a good time to re-inforce the closeness of their relationship. Trying to explain it properly is could make her feel bad if she does understand that there's a difference in the relationship between her and daddy and her sibling and daddy.

oh great, thanks for the advice. All good.

Didn't realise the marrying thing was normal, although was aware that it was probably less to do with life time's commitment and more to do with looking like a princess for the day!!!!

I shall talk less about seeds!!! (it was torture for the old catholic in me anyway!!)