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Original poster

9 month old - no affection?

13 replies

Dav87 · 08/05/2021 18:20

Hi
My 9 month old LG shows absolutely no signs of affection to me, and it’s really starting to get me down 😞 She will push me away if I try to hug her or hold her, doesn’t want to sit on my lap or even near me, just constantly wants to be on the move and grabbing at things.
I can’t read to her cos she won’t sit still long enough, and she isn’t interested in any activities or games I try to play with her. I’ve even tried to put films or tv shows on, which I don’t really want to do, just so that she’ll sit on my lap and we can have a snuggle on the sofa, but she just screams and shouts to get down.
I’m so worried that I’ve done this to her, by trying so hard in the early days to get her “self-soothe” and just wanted to put her down all the time and get her used to a crib etc. I now wish I’d known more about the 4th trimester, and would do it so differently if I did it again, would savour every minute of contact, hugs, napping together...
I just feel like she doesn’t like me very much and would rather be on her own 😞
Any advice or reassurance would be great - thank you so much x

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kiksta · 08/05/2021 18:28

Aw him she's only 9 months. She wants to explore and she's trying to be independent. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you, you're her parent, she will always need you. But right now the world is getting more and more interesting - encourage her and be proud.

Kids go through phases. Love her and encourage her and she will always come back to you x

kiksta · 08/05/2021 18:28

*Hun not him!!

Somethingsnappy · 08/05/2021 19:31

One of my children was a very active and independent baby who wanted to be on the go all the time and wasn't interested in cuddles etc. She turned into a very affectionate and loving little girl as she got older though! It won't be anything you did as a tiny baby; it will just be personality type!

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Vicky1989x · 08/05/2021 19:36

My 12 month old DD was exactly the same! She’s started showing a little more affection recently now that she’s more mobile so just give it time!

Ree91 · 08/05/2021 22:53

My 10 month old is exactly the same! The only time she will let me hold her is to have her milk before a sleep, and even then as soon as the milk is finished she wriggles off me to get into her cot! Like you, lots of people encouraged us to get her to self settle, and whilst she did sometimes nap on me in the 4th tri, I spent alot of it putting her down in the crib so she can sleep alone Sad I'm hoping we've just raised little independent babies, who will come to us when they need us Flowers

YorkiePanda · 08/05/2021 23:06

I was like this, apparently, according to my mum. Not cuddly or terribly affectionate as a baby/toddler, always on my own terms. I’ve always been quite independent and liked my own company. If she’s raring to go off and explore, she’s probably quite secure and contented Smile

JackANackAnoreeee · 08/05/2021 23:22

OP unless by 'learning to self sooth' you mean you left her alone to cry for hours I very much doubt you've done anything to cause this. She's probably just an active curious baby with a secure attachment to you.

caringcarer · 08/05/2021 23:36

Y eldest grandson was like this and it was a bit upsetting for his Mum especially, but after she had her second son her first son started wanting cuddles.

Alissicca17 · 09/05/2021 00:17

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Poppy709 · 09/05/2021 09:51

My 8 month old is like this and he has contact napped since the day he was born, bedshared since the 4 month regression, was basically attached to me throughout the 4th trimester. But when he’s awake now he just wants to be down and exploring, never sits still unless he’s asleep! I think it’s an age thing. Also I was desperate to put him down when he was tiny but he wouldn’t let me, if your baby was happy to sleep in a crib you’ll have done her no harm!!

Strawberries4days · 09/05/2021 10:10

Don't worry OP I think it is an age thing. Once they're moving more, they want to explore and try new things and that could frustrate them if they can't do it independently. My DD is 6 months and does the same thing, doesn't want cuddles and just wants to explore even though she can't crawl! Your baby still loves you, even if they're wriggling away and they'll be back for cuddles again ☺️

Boomboomtown · 10/05/2021 12:08

Oh hun, I'm sure it's nothing you've done. I've got two kids, one is very, very cuddly and the other one wasn't at all until she was about 2 and a half. At nine months she didn't want anything to do with me. At that age they're all of a sudden able to do so much more and that new-found freedom is so exciting, that they don't have time for boring hugs!

It just isn't very nice for you, because you want to cuddle, which I totally get! That will come when she's a bit older xxx

MyPanda · 10/05/2021 20:22

Mine is exactly the same, except I never taught her to self settle and her sleep is atrocious. You can't win 😬

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