please help me sort out dd (2.10) she is driving me up the ruddy wall

[belcantavinissima]

with the whingeing asnd whining and most of all the battles about clothes esp coats.
she changes 5 or 6 times a day , she refuses to wear a coat when we go out (and believe me i have tried every way to force her- as soon as one arm is in the other is out, and once its on after screaming and fighting she either undoes it and tries to 'lose' it by letting it drop off her shoulders, or she whines and screeches the whole time that she is too hot, grabbing my legs and generally carrying on.
the clothes thing too is driving me mad,for instance yesterday i dressed her in tunic and jeans in tthe morning and by the time we went out she had added a shortsleeve tshirt and pink tutu on top. fine. she looked a bit mad. but fine.
then later when we got home the jeans and tshirt came off and she added ankle socks and crocs to the ensemble. which she then wore all day, in november, in the rain, without a coat, tshirt tutu anklesocks and crocs. the shame!!!!!
people obv think i think its ok that she goes out like this- and she isnt hot btw she is bloody freezing, her hands are like icecubes.
am going into town with her in a minute and am dreading the whole coat thing again.
please help me! what can i do with her?!

Rewards for keeping her coat on?

what kind of rewards do you think? i have tried bribery and threats and it doesnt seem to work. or rather it does momentarily then she takes it off and its all gone worng.

This is a normal phase. Most of us have been there. Ds1 was a nightmare - I put the coat away, found a large jumper from the dressing up box, told him it was his medieval knight's cloak/roman soldier uniform/or whatever I thought might appeal, and off we would go. Who cares what other people think?

Are you worried about what she looks like, or whether she is warm enough? She is too young to understand about convention and appearances.

You could try saying if you keep your coat on all the way to the shop, then we can get a sticker or a tiny sweet or she could get a tick on a chart for every 10 minutes she keeps it on and collect them up for a reward.Or perhaps factor in a trip to the park if she's kept her coat on and behaved.
Make it visual and easy to understand.

being warm enough i think. as i said although she looked ridiclous in the jeans, tutu combo at least she was dressed sort of for the weather. but bare leegs and no coat? not good, also i know it does reflect on me because before this happened to me i am ashamed to say i did judge other mums who were out togged up in coat and hat etc whilst their child was in tshirt and no coat. so i know people are doing the same to me. its not through lack of trying, i just feel too worn out with it to continue the battle. and i dont know how i can come out victorious in the battle and get the damn thing on her and to keep it on. also things like tights and shoes, i can get them on, then she will take them off when we are in the car and i have to go through it all again when we get to our destination. its just so bloody wearing.

She's obviously discovered that this is the way to wind you up and she's making the most of it!
It takes two to fight and if you can't get her to keep her kit on by fair means, it'll have to be by foul. Gaffer tape?

Or what about letting her choose her tights or coat from a couple of options and give her a bit of control but not as much as she's obviously after.

It is a phase - I promise, it will end. They all go through these phases and it is awful at the time. Please try to comfort yourself with the thought that she is probably very intelligent, creative and might grow up to be a huge success in the world of fashion design.

I am not in any way belittling your situation - I have been there and it is very wearing. But I am a great believer in lateral thinking, and your time with them when they are tiny is so short, it should be fun, not a battle. That doesn't mean that I didn't have rules about the really important stuff - it is just a question of stepping back and deciding what really matters.

I am sure plenty of people will disagree with me, but I can only tell you about my experience.

I don't make ds wear a coat if he doesn't want one.
I let him go outside the front door before we set off and then he can choose between a puffy sleeveless gillet, a thinish jacket and a warm winter coat. Once he feels he has a choice he usually picks one rather than none. He's a lot older than your dd though(5).
I feel your frustration at your dd taking off clothes you've put on her. That would drive me mad.

If it is any comfort to you, ds1 is renowned now for his love of nice clothes and attention to his appearance. He always looks clean, smart and well turned out - it just took 18 years to get there .

I had similar problems with my younger daughter, but unfortunatly nothing seemed to work we even had HV's involved in the end it turned out she was having a reaction to colourings and sugar, once we sorted that out she was alot easier to handly, she is now 4, and we still have issues over clothes, summer skirt and vest top in this weather but now we manage to reason with her.
She has been on antibiotics lately so back to the arguments over everything. Try a reward chart and let her fill it in for you when she has been good but find a reward she can understand. like going to the park or getting a cbeebies comic something like that.

My mum told me her behaviour was a phase, until she witnessed one of her episodes!!! she now understands.
I remember fighting every morning to get her dressed, so in the end I took her to pre school in her nightie and told her teachers she wouldn't get dressed. All her friends laughed at her and her teachers made her realise how silly it was.

lol at going out in your nightie! there is a mum at ds's school who takes kids to school and picks up in her pajamas every day! flannelette ones with teddies on. a grown woman ffs!

my mum feels my pain as i was the same with getting changed countless times a day as well, though would always wear my coat (hate the cold bbbrrrrrrrr).

also its damn annoying when she has some lovely clothes then she changes into the most horrific combination of her most hideous clothes she owns. maybe i should start hiding them?

Tell how lovely she looks even in the most awful combination and keep calm and it will completly deflate the situation.

Can I just say that people will not think that you think it is OK. They will realise that she is just expressing herself.

I have had battles with my own DD over clothes, but I do try to negotiate with her rather dictate to her. Doesn't always work if she is in a totally irrational mood. We always choose her nursery clothes the night before because otherwise I would be late to work every single day.

Neither of my children are that keen on coats. They are warmblooded but not that warm as to not feel the cold on a day like today. With DS who is 6 I can't be bothered - he is old enough to work out for himself whether he needs to wear a coat or not. I make sure it is available and leave him to it. I try a bit harder with 3yo DD but let her walk to the car without her coat on yesterday.

Why don't you make a chest - just a plastic box with a lid and fill it with warm clothes t-shirt, socks, jumpers etc and say that she can wear anything in that bos therefore she has a choice of what to wear but it's all warm clothes and could she wear a warm cardi/jumper/gilette instead of a coat and this is a fab book you could read together Ruthie's Big Old Coat by Julie Lacome

great idea thanks!
i managed to get her to wear her coat in town today by telling her i would buy her some stickers and aa speciasl book to put them in and if she kept it on wiithout fussing til we sat down in the cafe at lunchtime she could play with her stickers then. and it worked. til we left the cafe and she had got what she wanted already. but we were going straight to the car so i didnt force the issue. but my it was very very chilly today