I am after some advice really. I have been with my partner for 18 years. We have been engaged for the last 7 years. We have 2 sons, one aged 7 months and the other is 4. When our first son was born the first few months were great and then at around 6 months we almost separated as he was spending so much time at work and I later found out had developed feelings for another woman. This wasn't acted upon and eventually we were able to work past this.
He was never really hands on with our son. He has epilepsy which meant he couldn't really do the night feeds and he could never handle him when he had colic. Their relationship over the years seems to be getting worse. My partner loses his temper with him daily. He shouts and then when my son cries he mimics him which makes him more upset. He has never hit him although last week he grabbed him quite forcefully. I think my son is scared of him. He has explained to his dad that he doesnt like the yelling but he carries on.
My partner was brought up by his dad as his mum died when he was 3. His dad was abusive towards them physically and verbally and I think this has rubbed off on him. He also believes his epilepsy medication is making him angry. I have told my partner I won't put up with the constant shouting and belittling of his son. I worry what impact this is having on the children. He has said he will have counselling but never bothers to sort anything. He blames me for our son saying I have molly coddled him.
In the last few weeks I have seriously considered separating. The thought of having to sell the house and us having to look for somewhere else is causing me major stress. I go back to work in 3 weeks. I am angry that he has ruined the end to my maternity leave which is exactly what happened the first time.
I have purchased a parenting book and said we could both read it but he has made no effort at all. I just want some peace. Am I fighting a lost battle?
Thank you