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Parenting

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Preschool concerned ds can't, but I think he won't! How do I tackle?

9 replies

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 05/05/2021 17:24

I had a call from preschool saying ds is behind on his fine and gross motor skills. He's age 4 next week. Now I know he can't hold a pen properly yet and I know that's to do with hand strength and I'm expecting it to just come. Pre school said about that, they said he can't open his lunch box, when they're doing an activity like Zumba or balancing he won't join in and they're concerned maybe he can't, when they were doing sleeping bunnies he'd lie down but not get up. They have asked me to work on things at home, gross motor and fine motor through funky finger type activities. But at home he's riding a balance bike, swimming widths on his own with a woggle, doing forward rolls off the sofa, climbing nets at the park, leaping all over a trampoline, he can open all the lunch boxes we have in the house absolutely fine, I just have no concerns. I've said as much to pre school. I think the issue is he's not big at joining in with big groups. He much prefers one on one playing or a couple of kids max. I have tried tasters of dancing and rugby and he wouldn't join in with either. Fine no problem, I thought. But now pre school are raising concerns, I feel I need to tackle it. They asked if he's defiant at home (they know his older sister who certainly is!) but ds really isn't. I just feel like they're seeing different behaviour and I really don't know how to tackle! Any ideas?

OP posts:
00100001 · 05/05/2021 17:31

Maybe video him doing the things they claim he can't do?

00100001 · 05/05/2021 17:32

And then show them that he's perfectly capable.

And explain again that it group work that's the problem. And then ask THEM for advice on how to tackle that issue?

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 05/05/2021 18:00

I've done that actually and the comments back are along the lines of 'oh great activity, that will really help with development of gross motor skills', to which I've replied that dh and I really can't see a problem with motor skills.

I suppose I'm more stuck on how to help him engage in group activities (if I even should!) and confused about him being so different at pre school.

I can't decide if I'm in the hang on he's only 3 (4) and everyone is different camp, or the well he'll be going to school in Sept and needs to listen and do as he's asked....

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Stichintime · 05/05/2021 18:09

You need to seperate what he can't do and what he doesn't want to do! Could you get from the pre school the exact activities they say he can't do and see if he can when on his own? I agree videoing is also a good idea.

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 05/05/2021 19:16

There isn't anything he can't do. Or anything that he won't do, at home. So I think it's a group scenario thing. Which I don't know how to help with, or even if I think it should be being flagged as an issue in a child this age.

OP posts:
00100001 · 05/05/2021 19:17

So, they've seen a video of him (say) opening his lunchbox.... But still insist he can't do that?

Cipot · 05/05/2021 19:29

I wouldn't worry myself. Sometimes they raise issues that might be something or nothing. Go with your gut feeling. Not everybody enjoys the enforced jollity of zumba.

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 05/05/2021 19:30

I sent them a video of him opening 6 different lunch boxes in a row to rescue trapped toys! They said well done for practicing this with him, it will really help with his motor skills! To which I replied I really don't think his motor skills are a problem I think it's group interaction.

Sorry, I don't think I've been clear enough what I'm asking. I probably wasn't sure myself at first!

I think what I'm asking is,

  1. should I be worried about poor tripod grip at not quite yet 4?
  2. i really think the issue here is not wanting to join in with a big group / refusing to join in. Do I need to tackle this, because he'll be going to school soon and will need to join in and do what his teachers instruct?! So do I keep taking him to group activities e.g. dancing or rugby that we have tried before?! Or do I just say we'll he's 4, if he doesn't want to join in with an activity then he doesn't have to, and sorry preschool but you'll have to work on this when he's with you.
OP posts:
HolmeH · 05/05/2021 22:17

Pre-school sound like they aren’t really listening to you. My DD has a peculiar quirk that despite being supremely confident in life, she won’t talk directly to adults at all. Confused so nursery started to tell us that they had no clue if she was developing speech wise nor her level in numeracy, literacy etc as she won’t talk to the adults. So I have sent hours of videos of her chatting away at home, naming all her letters, counting to 100, doing simple addition, writing her name.. & nursery have repeatedly thanked me & marked her progress accurately in her record. They’ve never questioned that I don’t know my child!

You do & it sounds perfectly fine.. to be honest, I’d just ignore it. They clearly have a bee in their bonnet. If you have no concerns then it’s fine. He’ll be reassessed at school & kids all develop at different ages!

They only thing you mention is you know his hand strength isnt great. Maybe Google some methods to work on this between now & September that will hold his interest for a while. Reception should be predominantly play based & not too different to pre-school really.. in terms of joining in, well, he’ll soon have to tow the line! Do you do any classes? Could you join one for a half term before school to get him used to following instructions & group activities? Although to be honest, pre-school should be doing all this. My DD now has group phonics & group numeracy every day that she has to join in with. And they are practising things like lining up, extended time on the carpet listening, putting on coats & shoes etc..

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