Do you enjoy being a Mum?

[moovinon]

I do love being a Mum and I wouldn't want to change it etc, but sometimes it is SO stressful.

I have 2 girls, aged 1 & 3. Every single morning is a battle trying to get my 3 year old dressed for school, to brush her teeth, to brush her hair, to make sure she doesn't take all of her toys to school. All this with my 1 year old screaming to be picked up. I feel stressed about 80% of the day. I go to work after the morning battle, then get whinged at all the way home from nursery, make dinner and tidy the house, put everyone to bed and then it's 8/830 and I have an hour and a half to watch telly.

I was thinking do I actually enjoy being a mum. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I love it, but on the whole maybe I don't really enjoy it a lot of the time.

How does everyone else feel?

I enjoy being a mum, as in having children, but i don't enjoy essentially being a slave, which is what parenting very small children requires to some extent.

I feel you op!

I didn't when DS was 1, I love it now that he is 5. Just so much easier and less stressful and he is so funny and loving. I think you might find it easier when they are both in school :)

I love my DC but I don’t enjoy parenting. But who enjoys wiping arses anyway? Parenting is a necessary evil that you do for the people you love.

I don't think you're supposed to enjoy it 100% of the time. Life isn't really like that is it? There are always going to be parts that are draining as well as the rewarding bits.

There was supposed to be a book about this called all joy and no fun, something like that. I never got around to reading it!

BTW are you a lone parent or do you have a partner? Because it sounds like the load is very much on you which can make life a lot more stressful.

I love it when I've got childcare! This week I'm at home with DD all day and I'm exhausted. She doesn't nap any more so we're on the go all day and she's so destructive! A typical toddler I guess but god I'm knackered. I am looking forward to her being back at nursery next week when the time we do have together will feel more precious and enjoyable all round.

At the age your kids are, it's a constant grind. Mine are now 8 and 9 and it's a lot more fun.

I'm about to have two under two, ask me in august haha.

But so far, I do love it. It's so hard, but worth it

I've got a 2.5 and 8 month old and feel exactly the same way. It's absolutely exhausting and it is so relentless. I'm really hoping that it feels a little easier once they are not a little more independent.

I had my first when I was 16. My experience of being a mother then is totally different from my experience now at 41. I didn’t enjoy it then. I love it now. I own a business, single parent with the majority of care, youngest is 4, it’s busy and stressful but my girls give me so much back. I’ve grown in to role!

I enjoy being a mum, especially to my 5 and 7 year olds because they're at a lovely age, I think I enjoyed it less when they were 1 and 3!!

Agree with @LarryUnderwood they’re a real sap of energy at those ages! I called it the clamouring stage!

Now they’re older, I love the conversations and (relative) independence, but I miss them as toddlers! (No pleasing some people, clearly )

Yes, I absolutely love being a mum. DD is nearly 16 now, and I've always loved it. I do get stressed sometimes, but motherhood is never the cause of that.

I think it's much easier to enjoy it if you only have one dc though.

I think I'm your situation it has a lot to do with the ages.
In my situation mine are 6 and 15 and the 15 year old is causing me no end of stress atm.
I take my 6 year old to breakfast club, go to work, get home from work, cook tea for everyone, bath and bed at 7.45 for 6 year old. Sit down at 9pm to watch tv after catching up on emails and washing up etc only to have the 15 year olds music blaring out of her room!
Sometimes I think parenting can be so bloody hard.

It comes in waves. I have one 9yo going through a tough time at school, so it's not all sweetness and light when they're older.

Honestly? No, maybe like 5% of the time but one of my DC has SEN, one has challenging behavior and the other is nearly 12.

I also had the youngest two 11 months apart.

A lot of the time I find parenting just added stress/worry.

It depends on the day/hour/minute! Mine are in reception and preschool now and we can have a lovely time one on one and days out are much more fun now as we can do much more. They can play nicely together sometimes too.
However they are still so much work, with the tantrums and fighting over toys, drawn out bedtimes and general exhaustion!

Once they are both at school I can see how things will be easier, though there will be different things to worry about then!
I don’t think people can enjoy it all the time, I wish I had been more prepared for the levels of crying, whining and tantrums involved as I had a more rose tinted view of what having children would be like. But I can’t imagine my life without them. There are a lot of highs and a fair amount of lows involved!

I do, and I always have, but when my older two were the age that your two are I was probably pretty stressed too. Preschoolers are pretty full on, aren’t they? Especially two or more. Every year they get easier.

OP, I also have a 3 year old & 1 year old & frankly, I dread my days off with them at the moment. I hated the bank holiday this week as it was an extra day of exhaustion when normally, Mondays are peace & quiet working at home!

I was fine up to 10 months, DD1 was going through a pleasant phase & DD2 was a very placid, happy baby. Then DD2 started walking & the arguments over toys & attention started. DD2 is really strong willed, she gets so angry when things don’t go her way. And she wants to be picked up constantly. She also makes the house a complete mess as she just tips toys out & transports then around the house. DD1 is a sensitive soul & bursts into tears if DD2 so much as touches her 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s just constant arguing & crying. It’s overwhelmingly messy & noisy. Getting them out the house is also exhausting, it takes about an hour 🥴

I know it’ll get better though. DD1 is SO much easier than she was as a toddler. And I can only see that improving as she becomes more independent & less tantruming. She also starts school in Sept so then it’ll just be me & one child, which is far easier 😂 I imagine by the time they are 3 & 6, life will be a lot less exhausting. Parenting will never be easy & there will always be challenges but I think the extreme nature of parenting under 5’s is unique!

No

@LarryUnderwood

At the age your kids are, it's a constant grind. Mine are now 8 and 9 and it's a lot more fun.

This.

I had a similar age gap. I was also working evenings so we didn't have to pay for childcare. I was mentally and physically exhausted and had a nervous breakdown when my youngest was 3.

Where is the father in all of this? Does he help with the whinging, drop offs and pick ups?

I find it much harder (physically and mentally) than I expected. Not because parenting itself is harder than I thought, but the lack of time to myself is REALLY hard. I crave silence and to be on my own. I actively dislike being a parent sometimes, and love it at others.

But I have a two year old, and I know from reading on here and talking to friends that in a couple of years it will likely be much easier. I'm not planning anymore, partly because I really did hate the newborn stage (and also because we can't afford it). So I look on it as a really difficult period in my life, made even more difficult by the pandemic, but hopefully in future it'll be easier and I'll have time and brain-space to be myself again.

Nope - love her more than anything else in the world but nope it’s permanent drudgery. I’ve been promised it’ll get easier when she’s 4.

Sometimes, but lately not a lot. They are 6 and 8 and driving me nuts!! 🤪 it was easier when they were babies. 😩

I love being a parent, and adore my kids but fuck me its hard work !

You spend the first decade being their personal slave, then the hormones really start to kick in and thats when the fun really starts

Mine are 12, 9 & 8 and although much has changed in so far as they can dress themselves, shower themselves, feed themselves etc the struggles are still there but just different.

Now I spend my days moaning at them for pissing about instead of getting ready for the day/bed, breaking up arguments, moaning that I cant vacuum their rooms with the floors a mess and trying to get my daughters to see the laundry bin in their room and that it isnt in fact invisible. One minute theyre best friends, the next minute mortal enemies.

Fun times

Mines 4 and dresses himself now, can't begin to tell you what a different it makes. Still needs some help and has lazy days where he wants me to do it. Gets easier and more enjoyable as they become more independent