Private Education vs. State Education

[Jbirds]

If money weren’t a factor, which would you choose for your child and why?

Considering:
-Social
-Education
-Opportunities

It would also be interesting to hear from anyone who has jumped between the two systems.

Please don’t comment if you’re aim is to attack and undermine others including the thread’s topic. I would love to see a healthy debate rooted in experience and factual understanding rather than a tit for tat “that’s my opinion” game.

Sorry if that last part sounds somewhat hostile, but I would hate for the thread to descend into chaos.

I went to a private day school but between my siblings and I we cover fully state all the way to prestigious private boarding school. The most academically and financially successful sibling went fully state. Of course that's just anecdotal though and the stats would suggest there is value to a private education. In my personal experience I did well academically and professionally but when I left school I had no idea how to interact with people of the opposite sex or people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Despite having benefited from a private education myself, I used to hold an ideological objection to private schooling on social equality grounds. I have to admit now having children myself I have more sympathy with parents who send their children down the private route because I have more understanding of the drive to do the best you can by your kids. That having been said, clearly not all private schools are equal (just as not all state schools are equal) so I think if money were no object I would exclude boarding schools (perhaps selfishly I just wouldn't want them away that much) then assess all local schools to try to determine which one would suit each of my children best - for instance looking for schools that excelled in areas my children were passionate about, not putting a less academic child in an exam pressure cooker etc.

The whole point of private education is to keep your precious children away from perceived scum.

Dress it up as much as you like, but that's what it's all about.

Assuming state schools are good enough near you, I would opt for state for primary and private for secondary.

I don’t know there is much difference in the early years to justify the cost. Personally, I went to private from pre-school to the end of secondary. I definitely think I was at a distinct advantage, but it was mainly from secondary. I got a lot of one on one attention when I needed it and I made a lot of connections that were beneficial later in life.

I do think private is very worth it if you can afford it, but not sure it matters much to, say, 5 year old who just need to play. I don’t think I’d pay extra for that. We’ve sent ours to state primaries but would like to do private from year 7.

@Ifailed

The whole point of private education is to keep your precious children away from perceived scum.

Dress it up as much as you like, but that's what it's all about.

Oh shut up

@mindutopia

Assuming state schools are good enough near you, I would opt for state for primary and private for secondary.

I don’t know there is much difference in the early years to justify the cost. Personally, I went to private from pre-school to the end of secondary. I definitely think I was at a distinct advantage, but it was mainly from secondary. I got a lot of one on one attention when I needed it and I made a lot of connections that were beneficial later in life.

I do think private is very worth it if you can afford it, but not sure it matters much to, say, 5 year old who just need to play. I don’t think I’d pay extra for that. We’ve sent ours to state primaries but would like to do private from year 7.

Oooh interesting. We're doing it the other way around. I think good early years education and opportunities underpin everything, then you get the broadness of state education at secondary (albeit we're aiming for a good state secondary - but who doesnt?).

I also think the idea that private education is just to keep your kids away from ‘scum’ is just ridiculous.

But private schools can (but may not always) have the capacity to provide a level of support that may not be possible otherwise. I got completely ignored in one private school because it was too big, but in another that was much smaller, I got the support I really needed. Dh struggled in state school with huge class sizes with dyslexia. He credits switching to private and very small classes and being the only reason he finished school. It would be ideal if all schools supported all children, but they don’t and if you have the money to pay for a school that does fit your child’s needs better, I can’t see why you wouldn’t do it. No one wants their child to struggle.

We chose state but could afford private. We’ve gone for state mainly because we are lucky enough to have access to outstanding schools.
We did seriously consider private and picked a few schools we liked but seeing the lengths parents go to and the stress they put themselves and their kids through in the 7+ and 11+ exams for the best private schools. We’re in London so looked at the top London day schools but the whole exam circus put me right off looking at any other private schools too.
Loads of tutoring for years before the exams , parents telling their kids they’d never amount to anything if they didn’t pass the exam and get into X school, heard one parent at a 7+ exam saying to her 7 year old that he HAD to pass this exam - he looked sick with nerves. Basically a school filled with loads of children with super anxious parents micro-managing every minute of their child’s life didn’t seem like it would make for a nice school environment.

Of course no idea if I made the right choice or not. The teaching at my DC’s schools is excellent and living in London means we have easy access to loads of extra-curricular activities, sports, music etc which I hope will make up for whatever it is they miss out on at private school but who knows!!

I think the top London day schools are pretty unique though in how competitive they are and maybe private schools in the rest of the UK are more normal and less pressured? Interested to hear opinions on this.

3DC
DC1 private prep, secondary weekly boarding
DC2 private prep, state school secondary
DC3 private prep, private school secondary-moved to state school

It is not about private v state-it is much more about the individual DC and the specific school

I will say that I regret DC1 weekly boarding and the 2 DC who went to State school have had a better experience/education/outcome.

Depends very much on the school. My ex and I both went to single sex private schools, neither of us want that for our son so he’s state educated. The school I went to was awful, numerous pupils self harming and suffering serious eating disorders, the curriculum was very restrictive and in retrospect I’ve no idea why my parents thought it was a good idea to send me there.

I’m fully state educated, albeit at a very good state school. DH is privately educated.

Social: Depends what is meant by this. If you mean learning how to make friends with and work alongside the entire spectrum of society then state. Although I say this slightly tongue in cheek, as a lot of the very best state schools cause such a premium in house prices in the surrounding area that you dilute and lose this effect. If you mean wider and perceived ‘better’ opportunities for social interaction then private.

Education: Private schools guarantee (to an extent) better grades. But most private schools focus on tutoring to pass exams. Fundamentally that’s what you are paying for - a greater chance at success. A great state school will teach students how to actually think - this is highly dependent on the states school’s ethos and management though and not a generalisation of state schools.

Opportunities: private school. More resources, more time.

DS is young, but we would send to a very good or outstanding state school over private if all things were equal. But we are fortunate with time and finances to support additional opportunities and holidays outside of school.

3 children - went to private nursery, then state infant school for three years/one year.

Kids seemed happy enough but we chose to leave the school because we felt it was a bit mediocre.

Moved to prep and pre-prep school at age 7 and 5. Immediately noticed the change in aspiration of the other pupils. Our own children thrived on the smaller classes, engaged teachers and fantastic resources.

Then on to public school. Two of the three had scholarships worth 20% off fees. Again, these were happy years filled with amazing opportunities that our local state school would not have offered.

Now all at university.

All in all it was a LOT of money. But we have no regrets.

Apart from I wish we'd have left the state infant school out and gone straight to the pre-prep.

I’m a teacher in a (very small, comparatively cheap) prep, and have previously taught in state schools (2 fairly middle class, one not). I think it’s things like music, sport and languages that preps excel in - the kids in my school do so much more of it and to a much higher level than any state school I’ve taught in. Behaviour is also excellent, better than even any of the middle class schools I’ve taught in, so very little disruption from other students. We have tiny classes so everyone gets individual attention, which I do think benefits most children. The teaching of maths and English and so on is good, but it was in some of the state schools I worked in too. I have no idea whether the majority of parents send their kids to us exclusively to keep them away from ‘scum’ or not.

Is it worth the money? I do think it’s better than most state schools can offer, but how much better I’m not sure. I have a 2 year old and even if we can afford it in a couple of years, I’m not 100% I’d we will put her in or not. I think if a child is very able, it’s easier for us to challenge them, and if they struggle it’s easier for us to support (we do have a fair few SEN kids - I’m aware other preps have a reputation for weeding them out however). Kids who are more in the middle may not benefit as much, I’m not sure.

I think like a few people have said, it depends son the child. However the lack of diversity at private schools hugely bothers me. Both from an income, class, race and ability side. I have a fair amount of cousins who went to private school and listening to their reflections is interesting as all but 1 (out of 11) say it was a waste of money and real off the real life disadvantages they feel they have experienced from being on such an insulated environment.

I am also alarmed at how rampant racism and sexual assault seems to be in private secondary schools. In the case of racism I've heard some real shocking things from staff as well as students.

I think I would feel more confident in private schools if there was a regulatory body in the vein of Ofsted but they have no one to answer to but themselves.

State secondary school also have issues but a good or outstanding secondary school will generally provide a decent all round education including the diversity and social development.

Hi. My eleven year old child is in private education. Her grandmother is paying for her schooling and we gave her address to the school as her grandmother lives in a very good area. We live in a rough area but keep up the pretence we live at her grandmother's address and told our child to say the same if anyone asks. She seems happy at the school for the last three years but the weight of not telling the truth has become overwhelming and we are thinking of moving her to a state school closer to us where we don't have to keep us this pretence. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

@Belinda69

Hi. My eleven year old child is in private education. Her grandmother is paying for her schooling and we gave her address to the school as her grandmother lives in a very good area. We live in a rough area but keep up the pretence we live at her grandmother's address and told our child to say the same if anyone asks. She seems happy at the school for the last three years but the weight of not telling the truth has become overwhelming and we are thinking of moving her to a state school closer to us where we don't have to keep us this pretence. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

But private education isnt based on catchment areas?? So isnt the lie unecessary?

@Belinda69 what was your motivation behind the decision to state your mum’s address over your own? Are you ashamed of where you live?

Interesting comments all round on this thread- bar one (I think we all know which one I refer to). Did anyone find that there was a divide in school between boarders and day pupils? I’m aware that some schools lean more towards one that the other.

As for the social aspect between the two, What are thoughts on outside school activities for their children and their friendship circles. With a state school- there are catchments, so children’s friends tend to be close together, which makes going to parties and weekend activities logistically easier, but with private school children are travelling potentially from further afield (this issue would be more focused on day pupils).

It's not the sector, it's the best fit for the child.
We've done both because different schools suited different siblings.

I moved DD to £ at 7 from an infant school within staggering distance of our house. At that age we'd been to a few non-school clubs.

We are still friends with parents and their kids nearby. It's convenient. The children are at 4 or 5 schools from 11 so they all have multiple groups of friends.

As a year 9, DD appreciates having a diverse group of friends (and friends of friends she has never met in person thanks to lockdown) who haven't necessarily been doing the same thing as her that day.

The thing about school is that you can have kids sat next to each other and they'll have a completely different view about the amount of work/teachers/ethos.

So I think it isn't as simple as "how much does it cost".