Really struggling with moaning toddler

[Mamabear04]

I honestly am feeling a bit broken by this. My toddler (almost 18mo) constantly moans about everything. She moans when I get her up in the morning, moans when I change her nappy, moans when she wants her cup, moans when I take her out, moans when I put on her coat and shoes, moans going in the car, moans in the trolly at the supermarket, moans when she is happy playing by herself and realises I'm doing something other than giving her my undivided attention, moans when she needs her teeth brushed, moans when she wants me to blow her bubbles, moans when she can't blow the bubbles herself, moans when she doesn't want to walk, moans when i carry her, moans when we do nice things like go to the beach or the parl. The list goes on. I don't feel I can take much more. I try to tell myself that it must be frustrating for her etc and usually I I patient and understanding but today I feel empty and have nothing left to give. I try to distract her, sing to her, give her a cuddle, speak to her and explain what's happening and why but nothing seems good enough. She has never been the easiest baby because she had reflux straight off the back and would sometimes cry all day and rightfully so! I think I just kept telling myself...she'll be happier when her reflux is better...when she can roll over...when she can crawl...walk...now talk. It just seems like she is happy for 5 minute when she achieves something and then the next developmental leap happens and she is unhappy and moaning again. I just feel broken and I'm struggling not to shout at her (very unlike me) and say "stop moaning!!!!" Please give me some advice or relatable stories because I'm struggling so much

I should say that I look after her 3 days a week, my parents 2 days and my DH (who is very present and supportive) helps out at weekends. I dont want a break from my LO I just want the constant moaning to stop. It's It's first time ever that I've felt like I'm not looking forward to spending time with her

When you say ‘moaning’, do you mean an actual moaning noise that’s driving you mad?

Or do you mean it as a short hand for all sorts of complaining and whinging etc?

No advice but my 28 month old is exactly the same and it is exhausting. Nothing is right and she wants my undivided attention constantly. Oh but she is an absolute delight for the childminder and apparently she never makes even the slightest whinge! So you have my solidarity.

Aw bless you. Sound like you just need a moan after containing all that moaning! Do you get many outlets for that, from your partner, family etc? Sometimes I just need to tell DH how much rage I feel after a testy child moment and he doesn’t judge me - massively helps me just feel the feels and let them pass without taking it out on them. Toddlers are hard work. Yes it is frustrating being her age and I’m glad you think about that, but I think what you need just now is to say it’s shite and I can’t face it anymore! Are there any ways for you to get a break and come back a little refreshed? I haven’t got any specific stories coming to mind for you right now, but just know that you are not the only one who finds being in a relationship with small children extremely testing. They are great and they are awful, all at the same time

What do you mean "moans"

You could actually say stop grumbling or my phrase with DS is stop grumble grumbling darling.

Whilst 18 months is still young & they definitely can't control their emotions it's useful to start naming their behaviour & perhaps the emotions surrounding it so yes I know it makes you angry/ frustrated when X/Y happens take a deep breath let's do this.

I'm finally starting to see the results of this with DS who is 5 at the end of May he's been saying to me for about a year when he is angry, he's also told me mum your getting angry take a deep breath and be calm (which is so cute). He also will say stop grumbling to his older sister's.

Hmm. DD was never happy unless part of her was close to or touching me until she was about three. At the same time she wasn't a particularly unhappy child. She was quite cautious and diffident.

At about 15 she developed quite severe anxiety and depression and looking back the signs were there from very early on. Had I written this post when she was 6 to 14 I'd have reassured you and said they grow out of it. Now I'm not so sure; I think they learn to cover it up.

I don't think we we could have done anything differently but keep an eye as the teenage years hit op.

Oh thank god I thought I was the worst mum ever!

My 22 month old lately (especially today) doesn't moan, she screams the house down.

Tantrum after tantrum, she made herself sick today for good measure she does that often, hands in mouth etc knows it gets our attention if we are trying to 'ignore' the tantrum.

I've lost the will today. I think it her canine teeth coming through & just generally being a toddler

She's perfect mostly at nursery & apparently an angel for grandma, it's just for us she screams the house down.

Dread to think what the neighbours think

I remember dealing with this with my dd when she was 19 months, she just constantly moaned and it was exhausting! Couldn't stand in. My friend dd is much the same and same age as yours. Don't know any solutions, I don't think I did anything in particular but just got through it but I was frustrated and miserable a lot of the time. Dd is 7 now and I have a whole lot of talking back going on just now but I'm definitely not frustrated and am pretty happy so it will get better for you too.

By moaning I mean whenever she is frustrated or even has to work at something like bend down to pick something up when she is wearing a coat she says "aaahhhh" or "aughhhh" or her favourite word to express annoyance "nnnnnaaah!" meaning "that". Even sometimes at the playpark she will run around shouting "aaahhh" if she can't run as fast as she wants. She does have some words and useful ones at that like up, off, in, down and can shake her head to say no but she prefers to moan instead. Lately there has been a lot of crocodile tears too which just is another layer to this.

I guess I havent had any time off because of lockdown and like a lot of you she is an angel when she goes to her grandparents - probably because she gets undivided attention, toys she doesn't get to play with all the time etc. My DH is so understanding and let's me moan but if I'm honest he finds it hard too and I don't want to get into a habit of moaning about her moaning because I feel it will just produce more negative emotions for me. Its just been the last 2 weeks that the moaning has stepped up a gear and it feels like torture sometimes. I'm trying to be positive but I just feel like I have nothing left now. I am exhausted mentally from the moaning

Not sure if anyone will respond but I’ve been struggling with my daughter since she was born in terms of morning and crying. We’ve done everything you can think of, lots of tests, gone private but nothing gives us the answer. She’s now 2 but was born 9 weeks early. Did have CPA but seems to have settled now. She’s the opposite of my first born. Not talking, says the odd word. Moans day in and day out. Nothing makes her happy.

@Mamabear04
hi! 👋
I know this is an old post but how did you get on? This is my 18 month old I could have wrote it myself. How did you get on im miserable with it all

Hi, She’s just turned three and has improved somewhat but she’s still a challenge. Can have good days and bad days. Lives with a cold. We know she had issues with ferritin too which can affect mood. I’ve gone onto medication to help myself, not like I was the problem but I wanted to try something because I felt rock bottom with it all. It’s helped too. I think she’s a very strong willed child, she’s been better since her communication has come on but her emotional regulating is really really poor. From last experience when they get to around 4-5 years old things really improve so I’m holding out. I think she’s struggled with tummy ache but could never tell us so the diet has been difficult to manage. You’ve just got to keep going, I know that’s shit but there’s no other advice I have 😥