6 week old is sleeping 5-6 hours a day - I’m at breaking point!

[MellyXar]

My 6 week old is sleeping for a maximum of 5-6 hours a day. I’m at breaking point. I’ve tried everything to get him to sleep during the day, but he just won’t. I’m literally glued to my bed with him and can’t get anything done, I’ve not ate a cooked meal in over a week and have only been munching on snacks when I get a second. Every time he starts to sleep and I get him down he’s awake instantly again or a few minutes later. I cannot cope.. I don’t know what to do anymore. He does not sleep AT ALL in the day.. he’s awake from 5:30-6am until 9:30-10:30pm at night. Even then he doesn’t sleep through the night, he wakes up for a feed and takes 1-1 & half hours to go back to sleep and then again wakes up in less than 2 hours for a feed and again the long time to get him to sleep. I’m breaking down crying I don’t know what I can do... I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried a sling, I’ve tried getting him in his pram for a little, I’ve tried to just leave him but nothing is working please someone help me.

What happens if he's just in the sling? It's pretty normal that he will wake went out down and not sleeping through the night is very very normal and healthy.

I wholeheartedly recommend the FB group "The Beyond the Sleep Training Project", lots of supportive people and tips.

In the nicest possible way, I think you're expecting too much, from both baby and yourself. Read up on the 4th trimester, they're designed to want to be held and cuddled so it's no surprise baby is waking when put down.
Try looking in to awake windows and towards the end of the awake window looking for signs of tiredness eg staring into space etc.
It's extremely tough but you can't pour from an empty cup, you need to look after yourself too.
Get a good meal down you. Even if baby cries the who's time. You need to eat a good meal. Baby will be fine for that time. Same goes for a shower!
Can baby's dad not help while you do these things?

So sorry to hear that it is really really tough in the beginning. My little girl would only sleep on me for the first 4 months or if we were out walking. If I tried to put her down or stopped pushing the pram she would immediately wake up. It’s really hard. To make it work my partner and I slept in separate beds for the first 6 months and took it in turns doing 3-4 hour shifts to look after her in the night.
That way you are both at least getting a decent(ish) stretch of sleep at night. In the day I used to rope in help from grandparents when they were free and try to sleep if I could but I appreciate that option isn’t available for everyone. It is a really, really tough time though at the beginning. It honestly does get easier though, and they do eventually sleep independently. I think it’s just a case of getting through those first few months. x x

5-6 hours per day, total? That's very little sleep and no wonder you're struggling! That must be so hard for you. Do you have anyone who can help? I'd recommend speaking to your GP because that sounds like way too little sleep for a 6 week old baby. When he's awake is he crying a lot? He may have reflux or similar. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Are you on your own ? Is the father around?
Speak to your hv in case of reflux
Get some one else to feed you. Family friends the other parent or pay someone

I know it’s really shitty and hard, but at that age (until about 20 weeks if I’m honest...) my DS was the same. Wouldn’t sleep at all on being put down - would just wake up and cry. We ended in a vicious cycle of him being massively over tired, crying a lot, making him more tired, making him more difficult to get to sleep.

So I just embraced it and held him for pretty much every nap. Either sat on the sofa or my bed with a TV series or a book, with water and sandwiches/snacks I had made the night before. Either that or out in the sling if the weather was nice (he wasn’t one of these babies that could nap in the sling inside the house). At the time I felt a total failure and like I was going absolute mental. But it’s completely normal - try and reframe the idea that ‘you are getting nothing done’ to ‘you are raising a brand new human and that’s a ridiculously important job’.

Also agree with @olderthanyouthink. Look up The Beyond Sleep Training Project. You’ll be surprised just how many people are in the same boat. Parents for whom a swaddle and a dummy and a pitch black nursery or a swing have worked are lucky - for a lot of newborns that just isn’t the case x

At six weeks DD stopped feeding to sleep in the day and only napped if rocked (practically swung round my head) for about 20 minutes to get to sleep, then would sleep for 20 minutes on me only. Repeat hourly. Think I mostly ate entire family-sized blocks of Dairy Milk as meals at that point, certainly didn’t lift a finger round the house. Evening meal was freezer food or toast. As far as I was concerned my job was survival.

Don’t try to put him down, don’t try to get things done. As soon as he starts napping, sit down and watch Netflix/scroll Mumsnet/eat snacks and hydrate. Be as restful as you can. Or lie down with him and cosleep if he’ll stay asleep that way for naps. DD, the bellend, would not.

I agree that you need to stop trying to put him down, it won’t work, he’ll just wake up. Hold him while he’s sleeping and then when he’s awake and happy you can make a meal or whatever while he’s kicking on a play mat.

However I do also think you need to call the GP quite urgently. If you are not exaggerating - and I don’t mean that harshly but it is easy to forget their little sleeps here and there which do add up - and he is actually literally sleeping a total of 5-6 hours a day then you need to get him seen by a doctor because there is probably a medical cause. That is way way too little sleep for a baby that age and if he continues getting so little sleep it may affect his development. Could be bad silent reflux or could be something else completely but you need to get him checked ASAP.

Are you breastfeeding ?

Do you have a partner/parent/sibling/friend who can help ?
Have you told your Health Visitor ?

I’m confused.

Baby sleeps 5-6 hours in a 24 hour window?

Sounds ridiculously hard and isn’t sustainable. No wonder you are at breaking point.

Have you tried to swaddle? Diary allergy? Reflux? Too cold?

Have you tried walking in the pram? I used to feed, pop baby in pram, go for a 45min walk. Baby asleep from the motion. I then used to sneak into the house and get at least 15 mins to eat, shower ect.

Have you tried a sling? At least with a sling you have your hands free to do other things.

Agree with others about contacting HV or GP as that really is very little sleep. Can you keep a sleep diary so you can show them?

Does baby sleep if in a sling / pram / car?

Only napping on you is extremely common and in the early days should be embraced to get through it. Is there anyone you feel comfortable asking to drop you round a home cooked meal?

My baby would only sleep while touching me for a very long time. Once I accepted that, my mental health improved greatly. It was still very hard, but I just had to settle into a routine of being attached. At first I caught up on sleep. Then a kindle and a smartphone were my saviors. DH or I would make meals that could be eaten one handed. In the early days I ate a lot of precut fruit, cheese cubes, and crackers. I also went with her sleep routine which was completely bizarre, but once I did we started getting longer blocks of continuous sleep.

Yup. Watched most of Netflix whilst holding DS for naps until he was about 5 months old.

Our baby was only sleeping 8 hours in 24 at one stage about 3 weeks old. Health visitor thought it was reflux, Dr said she was fine, in the end Infacol helped and also trying to de-stress and calm her: white noise, soft music, swaying, singing etc, once she cleared backlog of overtiredness she then slept more easily. Can anyone take baby out in the pram for an hour or two after a feed so you can nap and eat? Hugs, I know it's so hard to even think straight and your emotions go all over the place with the stress of a newborn and no sleep. You will get through this stage and things will get easier.

You need to adjust your expectations for the newborn period. This is normal. Just try to survive it.

It won't last long, in a month or two things will be different.

I agree with PP, google the fourth trimester.

You don't mention a partner. Is anyone helping you?

Scientists have concluded that leaving a baby to "cry it out" has no adverse effects on child development.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/03/200310193305.htm

If you're breastfeeding do you know how to feed lying down? It's a game changer. Google feeding lying down & safe co-sleeping. Make your bed safe, feed lying down until baby sleeps, move away a bit and sleep yourself. Even if you don't sleep your body gets a break lying down. Even if baby sleeps latched on, you get a rest.

If you can, get melatonin levels checked. Three of my dc slept around the average hours stated as newborns/toddlers/children, however one child had barely slept from the day he was born until finally at 8yrs old being diagnosed as someone who produces virtually no melatonin. If I'd known there was a problem when he was a baby we could have saved years of stress for me and him.

Also download a white noise app on your phone! It can send and keep them asleep.

[quote memberofthewedding]Scientists have concluded that leaving a baby to "cry it out" has no adverse effects on child development.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/03/200310193305.htm[/quote]
Cry it out for a six week old baby?!

[quote memberofthewedding]Scientists have concluded that leaving a baby to "cry it out" has no adverse effects on child development.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/03/200310193305.htm[/quote]
Lots of other studies find the opposite. See the books Why Love Matters, The Science of Parenting.

Sympathy OP As PP have said I'd see a doctor, and otherwise have baby nap on you or in the sling or pram while out on a walk. At night could you try to hold him until he's in a deeper sleep and only then try to put him down?

In a nutshell abies' brains still develop after they are born, throughout childhood but very significantly in the first few years. How we treat them determines what kind of environment the brain develops to match. Cry it out means a high stress environment in which baby can't rely on his needs being met, has to be on constant alert (because being alone is dangerous for helpless babies). A brain developing to match that kind of environment can become predisposed towards anxiety, stress, depression, addiction.