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4 Year Old Routines/RItuals

20 replies

3devils · 30/04/2021 13:44

Just after some advice if your 4 year old has these kind of routines/rituals.

When partner goes to work he has to get on his scuttle bug, say "no racing daddy", then race to the window, park it in same spot everyday.

Lunch, has to put another piece of his lunch in his sandwich and say 'today I have a grape and ham sandwich'

When i put the radio on he has to click the play button and start it from the beginning or he will be upset.

At night we have to be careful to not add anything to his night routine or else he will add it onto each day.

When we get in the car we have to pick a dandelion from the garden.

When my OH comes come he has to go up with him and plays the same game everyday.

My kids go to there rooms every afternoon for an hour or two, each day when he came down he used to do laps of the living room back and forth or run in circles reciting a book. His memory is really good.

At night, his toys have to be in the same order and say "tuck me in, put the book back, turn of the two lights, shut the landing curtain and dont lock the door". every night without fail, we cannot interrupt him or he will start again.

He plays and can repeat phrases 2-3 times when playing alone and will incorporate these phrases into conversations but they don't make sense.

He is unable to do a 2 way conversation with others (with me and his dad he is not too bad).

Any thoughts/opinions?!?

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Thatwentbadly · 30/04/2021 16:42

If you are concerned then you should speak to your GP.

What do school/nursery think?

Thebookswereherfriends · 30/04/2021 16:47

I work in early years and I would say that is unusually rigid. All kids like routine, but that is slightly ott. As pp says if you are concerned then see the health visitor/gp and ask for advice.

3devils · 30/04/2021 21:07

He dosn't attend school or nursery yet.

@Thebookswereherfriends Thank you, being my eldest I am unsure of usual behaviour for a 4 year old. As you work in early years would you say these could be seen as autism traits?

We are awaiting on SLT as he has a stammer just we were unsure if to mention these issues on the form or if I was just being an over the top mother lol.

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Thebookswereherfriends · 30/04/2021 21:11

In my experience, yes, but you need to see your gp to get proper advice. Start a diary of his behaviour.

CarlottaValdez · 30/04/2021 21:12

Mine is a bit like this, the being careful not to add anything to the bedtime routine especially resonates. He’s nearly seven and despite enjoying chapter books now as his “proper story” he needs to be read the same baby picture book before we turn the light out that he’s had since he was about 18 months.

We also had about a year of him having to put a superman cape on to go from the bathroom (where he’d had his bath) to his bedroom to get his pyjamas on.

He’s less rigid now than he was at 4 anyway and it doesn’t seem to have caused any other major issues. We keep a bit of an eye on it!

HelpfulBelle · 30/04/2021 21:18

I spent some time today reading a clinical assessment of a child and very similar behaviours were described. As PP have said, contact your GP outlining the behaviours you're concerned about.

3devils · 30/04/2021 21:27

@HelpfulBelle was this something you read online? If so do you have a link for it.

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ChocOrange1 · 30/04/2021 21:31

My 4yo has a few things she likes to do in the same order each day, e g. If I tried to brush her teeth before reading her bedtime story she would be a bit funny about it, but nothing as rigid/ complex as what you mention here

user1471543683 · 30/04/2021 21:35

I have an 11yr old who is like this. It seems to be a bedtime thing and doesn't really affect the rest of her day. Same audio story every night, pillows have to be in a specific position, clothes need to be folded exactly right or she panics, I have to put toothpaste on her brush even though she's perfectly capable, she can't step on certain parts of the floor. I could mention a lot more!! She acknowledges she does it, doesn't like what it does to her or how it makes her feel but can't find a solution to it. Bedtime takes over an hour!!! She's a happy, sociable, mature girl and I've no other concerns at all. Was going to go to Doctors then Covid started and I haven't got around to making an appointment. I keep thinking she'll just grow out of it.

Ilikecheeseontoast · 30/04/2021 21:39

I'd say that there are some autistic traits evident there.

doublemix · 30/04/2021 21:43

My son has done this from being young he will be 8 in July. He has been under autism assessment for around 3 years. Covid as with everything has delayed things. His consultant says that they have to meet a certain threshold to be diagnosed and he wavers above and below this threshold on a daily basis so they are a bit stuck with him. School day no, the SLT who came into see him said yes so very difficult.

In short I would mention it to the SLT or health visitor/doctor and say you would like someone to have a look at him as the process, if he does need any extra help is very long. I'm not saying it his ASD as my DS does show some other behaviours which contribute such as sensory issues

3devils · 30/04/2021 21:52

Yeh my son also struggles with the TV or radio being too loud (it's not loud but to him it is), will cover his ears, scream and start crying however is fine with hoovers or fireworks for example.

Started waving and pointing at 3.5 after constantly showing him what to do, can be fussy with slimy textured foods.

He is a very anxious child, heights are a no no, petrified of things flying and won't climb on things at the park.

He has never been great at imaginative play and has only got better since his younger sister can play with him.

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HelpfulBelle · 01/05/2021 06:29

@3devils

I work in a school, so it was a confidential document. The child in question had an autism L1/Asperger's diagnosis, but is quite heavily impacted by it due to the anxiety/routines, which sounded similar to your DS.

DS1 is 8 and was recently diagnosed with Aspergers/Autism L1, but he doesn't have the rituals/anxiety. He does have very sensitive hearing and freaks out when there's thunder.

TrendingHistory · 01/05/2021 06:43

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Allthenumbers · 01/05/2021 07:54

My four year old daughter is autistic.

I agree with others that your son is showing autistic traits and it would be best to seek a referral. Contact your GP or health visitor.

Is he starting school in September? If so contact the school in advance to help with the transition. If he’s not been in any childcare/education setting before he’ll need a lot of support with the transition.

I appreciate how hard it can be when you think your child is developing differently. If he is autistic then it will bring challenges but it is ok! You’ll have lots to learn but you will learn and be able to support your son.

I recommend nurturing neurodiversity on Instagram as a positive person to follow. She has a you tube channel too and there is a private Facebook group you can join.

I also highly recommend this explanation of what autism is. It is written by an autistic person and explains why functioning levels “high, low, aspergers etc” are not used anymore.

neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

3devils · 01/05/2021 13:29

We did consider putting him into nursery at 3.5yrs but then covid hit so we decided against it, his younger sister is 3yrs and they have a great bond so we also didn't see the need for nursery at the moment.

He will be starting school this september.

Thank you for the link I will take a read.

It is a lot to take in, I suppose I considered there may be development differences but didn't want to be a typical over worrying mother as to anyone else (family) he does just seem like a really good kid, which he is just with a few extra quirks which we love so much. With so many of you saying there are traits showing we will follow this up.

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3devils · 10/06/2021 13:59

So we had the health visitor round to mention our concerns and she did mention when kids have routines people automatically assume autism.

As he scored high on her tick boxes she didn't seem concerned about any of it. I found the 4 year check tick boxes were more can he physically do things ie walk up and down stairs and his intelligence which neither we have ever thought he was delayed in.

She also said as he can hold a conversation, was really chatty and made eye contact then he's not autistic.

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Fitforforty · 11/06/2021 08:15

Children can be chatty and hold eye contact and still have autism.

Has he ever been away from you? Will he have the opportunity to experience it before he goes in school full time?

3devils · 11/06/2021 09:18

A handful of times with his grandparents but not since covid started. He has a stay and play day at the school at the end of the month so he will be going to that for sure.

The health visitor said just mention to them that he likes routine and that was all. Bit frustrating really.

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Fitforforty · 11/06/2021 10:34

I would mention your concerns to school and ask the GP for a referral to a paediatrician.

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