Would you have a third if you were me?

[Blueskies3]

Just wondering if you would have a third child if you were me. I love having two boys and would be very happy for the third to be a boy or a girl, so gender doesn't matter. I'm 36 in October, DH is 40. My two sons are 6 and 3. I keep day dreaming of a third. DH is on the fence, but leaning towards 2, he said he'd go with what I want. DS 6 says he'd like one and DS3 loves just the 4 of us. We only have a three bedroom house. I work one day a week, could increase my days, but not sure if I could sustain 3 on my current income, particularly in the future. I do really like being able to drop/pickupmy son from school. My older son has asd (or the old term aspergers) and I worry he'd get left out in a pack of three. I know all of this and yet feeling sad about not having another baby/little person in my life.

No, the financial jump would be too big, bigger house, bigger cars, more expensive holidays, increasing cost of teenagers, cost of activities.

No...it's unlikely you'd want/manage to work more with 3 kids.

Your 3yo who is least enthusiastic would end up having to share his room.

Your DH isn't 100% on board

What is no 3 also had ASD? What would it mean for family relationships, ability to work, impact on DS3...not just now, but in the future?

It must be tough if you're feeling that desire to have another baby, but for me it would just be too much of a risk.

Don’t ask the kids! It’s definitely not their choice.

I have 3, it is a big financial jump that I didn’t really appreciate when my kids were younger - mine were 7 and 3 when the third was born - as clubs etc all adds up, bigger car, 4 bed house if possible. Of course all of those are optional but it’s nice to be able to supply them.

I love my kids & always wanted 3 but I don’t think it’s a sensible thing to do

Sometimes we have to listen to our head instead of the heart.
Too many reasons for a no.
I think the fact that your DH isnt 100% on board is a big one.

I was also torn between having a third or not. DH definitely doesn’t want to. We have a girl and boy who are both v young so the baby years are still very fresh in my memory! I remember thinking I definitely didn’t want anymore after the birth of DS. For practical reasons being a family of 4 works - kids have their own rooms, they fit in the car, sharing rooms on holidays etc. The logistics and financials all make sense to stick to 2 kids. I think it’s just my hormones making me look at newborns and want one! I must remind myself of how it felt at 3am with a screaming baby and sore, leaking nipples. Yep - thats put me off!

The main point is that DH is ambivalent.
You shouldn't plan to have a baby unless both parents are fully on board IMO.

No I wouldn't bother to be honest. Three is a nightmare sometimes. There is always someone ready to fight and argue and wind up the others. Two is a much more harmonious life 😂

My mentality is go with the one who doesn’t want a baby.

I have two (two DDs 7yo and 7mo) and really want a third so I know the feeling. It’s a big up taking though. We’re already outgrowing our three bed house and our large hatchback (American so really is a big hatchback) is only just big enough to squeeze our stuff in for a weekend. We need a bigger car and a bigger house anyway so we’re planning a third into our decision making now. DH is fully on board with a third though (he’d have more than 3).

I wouldn't even consider it.

Nope, don’t think so. I currently have an almost 4 year old & just one year old. It’s EXHAUSTING. I cannot wait for them to be 6 & 3 quite frankly 😂 my 3 year old is relatively independent, potty trained for a good year, plays nicely & listens to instructions (sometimes, she isn’t angel 😂) .. I imagine 6 year olds are even more independent. Maybe I’ll finally be able to sit down 😂

My one year is a meanace. My house is a constant tip, she has 300 tantrums a day and obviously can’t speak yet so it’s hard to understand why sometime! Can’t take your eyes off her for a second or she’ll be eating a candle or trying to fall off the sofa 🥴

No I wouldn't. We all feel broody at times, it passes.

Mine are (nearly) 6 and 3 too. I’m definitely done!

We always said 2. But I have thought about a third. I know DH wouldn’t want another though. And I’m so glad to be done with the sleepless nights, nappies, buggies etc. I have a few friends who have gone for the third and I feel zero jealousy of their situation. more relief that it’s not me. Happy to hold a cute little baby for a bit, but also very happy to hand it right back and then go and pick up my kids from school and nursery. My kids have their moments of course, but overall life with them is so much easier than the baby and toddler stage.

However they are happy with their choice so only you and your DH know!

No. But then I never had any desire for a third. 2 fits into so many things (cars, family tickets, rarely being outnumbered) so much easier.

Nope. I have 3, with 3 year age gaps. When we decided to have the youngest, we didn't know the eldest is autistic. The youngest was diagnosed too age 4. Middle struggles with the utter chaos that is life with their siblings.

That's on top of the financial and practical implications of 3 - house, car, afterschool activities (cost & driving), holidays designed for 4.

I love them all, but with hindsight 3 has almost broken us

No.
It sounds like it would be a stretch for you. Of course you’d love the child if you had it, but life would be harder for longer.

No. I have 2 girls. There is nothing that anyone could say to persuade me to have another child. I love my children very much and we are lucky healthwise, nice house etc but I think 3 would tip me over the edge! My children are 10 & 6 and dh is a great hands on dad but it is ultimately me who’s life would take a step back again for the baby years, another person to organise etc. I just couldn’t. I also feel very lucky to have what we have and I don’t want to push my luck.

Cloverleafy

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really needed to hear your opinion. interestedly no one said 'no one regrets the children they have' type thing or follow your heart.
I really needed to hear the voice of reason. DH is tired. I truthfully don't think has the real desire for 3, and would rather put the energy that he has into the two that we have. And i probably don't need more on my plate. The two that we have would get less time, which I think DS6 probably needs a fair bit with dealing with school and all.
Thank you. You have made me feel a lot better and a lot more rational. I will still be broody as hell when I pass the baby section, and when friends announce their pregnancies, but like TuesdayRuby said maybe I just need to remember the screaming 3am wake up!
Cloverleafy, big hugs. You are doing a super job.