Am I being petty?!

[mhn1]

Hi all,

My daughter is currently 9 weeks old. She is now past the point of the whole 'newborn and will sleep through pretty much anything' phase that she went through and is becoming a lot more stimulated and interested in everything going on.
So basically, my own parents are able to visit us in afternoons which is not a problem. However, my partner's parents are not able to get to us until 7:30/8pm at night. At first, this was not an issue as my daughter would sleep through. However, now it completely disrupts her and it results in a turbulent night for me (and her!) due to her being overtired. I like to be bathing/bottle/bed at this time.
I have spoken to my partner about it and he's taking it a bit personally but I genuinely don't have a problem with his family at all. We also don't want to be giving up our weekends every week as that's our only quality time together as a new family. Am I being really unreasonable by not wanting visitors this late ?!

"Honestly I think you do need to find a compromise, you can’t say every option is a no go but allow your parents through the door two to three times a week. I can see why he’s upset by it."

Don't be ridiculous, OP literally outlined her compromise in the last post.

You can't keep a child awake late into the evening just because people want their "fair share" of her. She's a human not a toy.

Every couple of weeks is fine! His parents live where they live, soon enough she'll be old enough to go for sleepovers and this will be a non-issue.

"Are you in the uk though? Obv still not really allowed indoor visits so that could be a good enough reason to pause visits. You would prob have to pause both sets of parents tho just temporarily"

Ah the sly covid dig . You know full well that there is no such thing as a "pause" on visitors. Unless they're a bubble (which the OP can have with one household) then it's no meeting inside for now. As you well know.

Just hear to stick the boot in? It's parenting, not coronavirus or aibu

@denverRegina

"Are you in the uk though? Obv still not really allowed indoor visits so that could be a good enough reason to pause visits. You would prob have to pause both sets of parents tho just temporarily"

Ah the sly covid dig . You know full well that there is no such thing as a "pause" on visitors. Unless they're a bubble (which the OP can have with one household) then it's no meeting inside for now. As you well know.

Just hear to stick the boot in? It's parenting, not coronavirus or aibu

I think that's a valid question. If the OP is in the UK this wouldn't even be an issue as they wouldn't be visiting indoors at all never mind at the stupidly selfish time of 7.30pm.

Covid is a godsend to new parents who have troublesome visitor problems, anyone who hasn't been using it for the past year has been missing a trick.

As a new parent I wouldn't be letting anyone in anyway, I know rates are low but who wants to risk covid when having to look after a baby?

@Looneytune253

Come on, yabvvu if you don't want the visits in the evening and they're trying really hard you have to let them have something at the weekend!! Seems like they're trying really hard to be part of lo life.

I completely get that. It's actually my partner that's funny about seeing them on weekends instead, I'd actually be happy to put aside an hour or two on a weekend.

@denverRegina

"Honestly I think you do need to find a compromise, you can’t say every option is a no go but allow your parents through the door two to three times a week. I can see why he’s upset by it."

Don't be ridiculous, OP literally outlined her compromise in the last post.

You can't keep a child awake late into the evening just because people want their "fair share" of her. She's a human not a toy.

Every couple of weeks is fine! His parents live where they live, soon enough she'll be old enough to go for sleepovers and this will be a non-issue.

Thankyou for being so understanding. I think people are not fully realising that it's not my own needs I'm putting first, it's my daughter's. It's my daughter that also has a night of broken sleep, feeling irritable and unsettled.

@denverRegina

"Are you in the uk though? Obv still not really allowed indoor visits so that could be a good enough reason to pause visits. You would prob have to pause both sets of parents tho just temporarily"

Ah the sly covid dig . You know full well that there is no such thing as a "pause" on visitors. Unless they're a bubble (which the OP can have with one household) then it's no meeting inside for now. As you well know.

Just hear to stick the boot in? It's parenting, not coronavirus or aibu

Eh did you misunderstand the post? I said a pause as it's a good excuse to stop them coming round when the OP clearly said she wasn't wanting them to anyway. How is that a dig? I think yours is more of an open dig. Saying we know full well visiting isn't allowed

I think you need to be a little bit more flexible - an occasional visit (say once a fortnight) isn't going to harm her. I'd get her completely ready for bed etc. so she's ready when they arrive. Then they could see/cuddle her for 15 mins or so then you can go and put her down.

They absolutely have to learn how to settle with background noise, don't set yourself up for a toddler who won't nap anywhere! In fact many settle better in noisy environments - maybe you could use additional white noise in her room to drown out some of the more specific noise. Our DS used to settle best to loud, thumping house music at that age!

Any chance your in-laws could come over before work, join you for breakfast maybe? Then they're the ones who are doing something out of their routine, not your little one?

Whilst this doesn't address the fact that your DD's sleep will be disturbed, I would tell your DH that on nights his parents visit, all parenting responsibilities fall on him. So he does the bathing, putting to bed and waking in the night as necessary. He will likely see your POV really quickly

Oh yes! Ring the ils at 5 am and say dd is available for a visit.
They aren't bothered about the sleeping routine in your home. ..

When you say "weekends" you dont mean whole weekends right? Meeting for a morning walk with the baby round the local park/coffee place on a Saturday morning for 1-2 hours isnt sacrificing your whole weekend.

No way would I be inviting in laws around at bedtime! Weekends would be much better, they'll get better quality time with her as well as she won't be tired.

Our weekends with a baby mainly involve wrestling the baby to sleep and cleaning... So a visit from the in laws would be lovely tbh you can't help that your parents are geographically closer - it's not a competition, surely your in-laws will understand.

Probs shouldn’t be having two sets of visitors in you’d house should you Op.. you are conveniently ignoring those posts 😂 can’t you use covid as an excuse? You can only bubble with one other household, pick your parents & problem solved 😂

I wouldn’t accept visitors at 7pm. Absoloutly not. I have slightly older kids (3 & 12 months) & relatives/friends know bedtime is 7-7.30pm. Unless they are coming to help with bath & bed I suppose .. could you do that maybe? They can come at that time but it’ll be to help you bath & get DC to bed?