Why did you have kids?

[Grumpylate20s]

I think it's reasonable to say that parenthood is a roller coaster... I'm writing this at just shy of 5am, my DW has been BFing our 3 weeks young DS for what seems like all night, she might have got 50 minutes in-between.
Life for us has changed and over the course of the pandemic, we've changed. We feel exhausted all the time. she says she does not want any more so naturally, I've been wondering how do most couples have multiple children and what made you want to have kids?
We come from 2/3 sibling families so naturally having a sibling for our DS would be beneficial to him

Congrats on your little one.

We had a child because we weren't careful and didn't want to terminate. We had discussed kids, and my husband was more keen than I. However, when it happened it just felt right.

My son's now four months, and it's been bloody hard. I don't want another.

Both I and my husband have siblings but aren't close to them in the slightest. We're also lucky that we have friends around our son's age.

Ds1 very much planned, super excited (HAH!) - 4th trimester nearly killed me, destroyed my mental health, nearly destroyed my marriage, and I only really started healing when he was around age 1.

Decided I absolutely sure as shit wasn’t having any more.

Fell pregnant last year, on the pill that has worked for years. DS2 was a total accident. He’s currently 5 weeks old, I’m sat here pumping breastmilk for him, wondering wtaf I’m doing with my life. I HATE the newborn stage with a passion. Hate the crying, the endless fucking crying. Hate the constant feeding, the shit sleep, it taking 751528 hours to get out the house. The cuddles definitely do not make it up in my book. I’m coping better this time though as I know this stage is very very brief and temporary (thank fuck)

Very much regretting not requesting sterilisation during the planned section I had with DS2 however. DH isn’t coming anywhere near me until he’s had the snip.

That initial period with a new baby is such a learning curve. Honestly, as hard as it sounds to just enjoy it - please do so. When you are tired and running on lack of sleep, it really isn't the right time to decide if you want any more kids.

We have two boys (4 and 2.5) with number 3 on the way. The way I look at it is - my boys are hilarious and cheeky, but also drive me insane a lot of the time. Parenting isn't an easy job and I have definitely developed anxiety since having them. But I wouldn't change it. I'm from a family of 3, my husband from a family of 4. We both know we want our kids to have siblings and so far has worked for us. My hubby is happy to stop at 3, whereas I would love one more - but we will make that decision in a few years time. I see kids as an "investment" in a way - yes, they are tough and might make you crazy, but they are affectionate, funny, and definitely keep us on our toes lol. I will happily push through the tired toddler years because I know what kind of family I hope to have later on in my life.

I always wanted children and thought i'd have 3, i have 1, she's 4 and i adore her, we got lucky that she was an easy baby but she feels enough, we don't have any desire to have another and i don't feel children need a sibling, you have a baby because you want one, not because you feel you should give your child a sibling, i hated my brother growing up, there is no guarantee of them getting along.

@Grumpylate20s sounds like your little one is Cluster feeding? my DC2 did this. what we did was start feeding her around 2 or 3pm. And then she fed every hour for 10-15 minutes each time. The she would be finished around 11pm and then sleep for about 3 hours at that time.

RE: having children, the first thing I said to my husband after DC1 was born is that we would have more. It's hard to decide so early on. Your next DC could be the same or different as this experience. Best thing is to deal with each DC experience as it comes along. And if you want to change something, do some research and see if things can be changed.

All the best

I've wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember, I just love it. We're expecting baby number 6 atm, my world revolves around my family. Each stage of their life has pros and cons for me, I do look forward to them flying the nest and making lives for themselves though I want them to come back occasionally too.

It’s ok not to enjoy the newborn phase. We decided to have a baby to be honest quite on a whim, we were definitely naive. Then our first daughter was stillborn and that’s a grief I can’t even begin to put into words. We fell pregnant again a year later and our son is 7 months now. Even though I know what is like to leave the hospital without your baby and before he was born I said I didn’t care if I never slept again as long as he was safe I still found the newborn phase overwhelming and relentless, he has never slept well and broken nights are very difficult. I have definitely wondered at times if I could really do this again and have felt so guilty for thinking that. I’d say it’s only the last month or so I’ve been confident that I will definitely try for another one day (not for a good few years though!)
Anyway, bit of a ramble, but I just wanted to say that even with the most difficult circumstances before bringing a baby home, I still did not enjoy the newborn phase, things have got better and better as he’s got older and I’ve got more confident (he doesn’t sleep that much better, but the benefit of breastfeeding is now he’s bigger I’m happy to bedshare and I don’t really have to properly wake up when he does!) you don’t need to make any decisions now! That being said, I’m an only child and never felt I missed out too much, me and my mum and dad were a little team and we did loads because they had more money than they would if they had had more.
Right now just focus on maximising rest and being as kind as possible to each other. Breastfeeding is hard, hard work to get established but it does get easier - be in hand with all the snacks! It makes sense to do shifts at this stage, although sometimes I was so tired I asked my husband to stay awake with me because I was scared I would fall asleep so we would watch something together on the tablet. You’re in the eye of the storm now but it does get easier xx

Up until my son being about four months old I said no way, do not understand it and do not know why on earth people would put themselves through this again, the sleep deprivation is pure torture. DS is now six months and I’m still not in any position to have another any time soon but I’m not ruling it out completely for the future anymore. They suddenly get a bit easier and give more back around this age I find and it starts to override the monotonous cycle of sleeping, feeding, changing etc. and I think you seem to adjust to having less sleep. I have friends whose children slept much better than mine from early on and they’ve been the ones who have been quick to have another. I hate these people haha... I also think some people weirdly seem to enjoy this baby stage - I much prefer older children and would happily spend days out with nieces and nephews who are older and genuinely enjoy it, so whilst I don’t want to wish time away, I know that the good times ahead should hopefully outweigh these hard times and that might spur us to have more!

Up until DD1 was about 6 months I was adamant we weren’t having any more (she was an incredibly difficult baby)

Around a year my views changed a bit

DD2 was conceived when DD1 was 18 months (it’s a very cute phase!!)

My friends all had DC and I just ached for one of my own when I held them. I had to have fertility treatment for both and by the time I had them I was more than ready for it. Not conceiving made me feel worthless. After no.1 the feeling didn’t lessen, I was desperate for another and couldn’t settle for 1. I wanted another after my second but DH wouldn’t agree to it. I’m grateful for 2 though.

I had kids because DH wanted kids. I was neutral at best.

Turns out I am the most tiger mummy maternal person. Total surprise.

My eldest has learning needs as well as an array of other issues. Would not change him for the world, but wish his life was easier.

My Dcs are my world. Cliche, but they are. They make my life complete.

You are in the very early days of newborn hell. It gets better, really. But I think for the first year or so I was in shock and it all was a bit of a fog.

Thank you for all your comments and insights, we are slowly getting to grips with things and its been nice to be around more for my wife as im on furlough.
Oscar has taken to the bottle quite well despite kicking up a fuss, difficult thing now is knowing if he wants boobie or bottle. He tends to cry/whinge when he's on it and doesn't seem to latch properly.
We had to give him some C&G hungry and he seems to enjoy it but kicks up a fuss after being winded...
Its a constant cycle of feeding, changing, winding round and round, with cry/whinging inbetween.

Don't get me wrong there are very quiet special and precious times where in the haze of everything it outweighs all the shit (literally).
But im looking forward to the milestones ahead and nurturing our boy.

Baby is 3 weeks old. She absolutely does feel strongly right now that she'll never do it again, but she may feel very differently by the time your little one is 2 years old.

Hang in there. Get through the days and nights together. It gets easier. Life will keep changing. It's all a stage, so the bad stages are followed by good ones (and vice versus) xxx

*vice versa

Congrats - although I hated people saying that to me in the early days as if something wonderful had happened when clearly my life had gone to shit.

Someone early on said it's like looking into a black hole and that's exactly what I thought looking at my newborn 😢 it's SO HARD. But... it does get easier. Every time I think about it I think 'oh we've just turned a corner', I thought that at 12weeks, 7months, 18months and 2yrs. Honestly it does just keep getting better/easier.

No need to think about round 2 till you're both ready, if you ever are. You're mum and dad now (assuming heterosexual r'ship) and you get to make the decisions. Good luck ❤️

I find it really refreshing to read a post from such a genuine and clearly caring dad...I think whatever anyone tells you, nothing prepares you for how hard it can be to start with and some find it easier than others. Like I said in my previous post, keep going, we still find it really tough with being up and down in the night and worrying about naps in the day but their little personalities keep growing and making it easier. You sound like you’re doing a great job anyway

If you have the funds, I would highly recommend a visit from a lactation consultant, to check latch (and especially to check for tongue tie)

Oh gosh I feel for you. We felt exactly the same for the first few months. It's so so tough. For us things improved massively at 6 months, when he started sleeping well and interacting more. Now we can't wait to have a second. Hang on in there, it does get better and soon seems like a distant memory.

All 3 of mine were happy surprises never planned to have kids but had first at 18,second a year later then my
Last one 2019 wouldn't change them for the world . Ebf all them and it was hard but so worth while

@Grumpylate20s Oh and I just thought of something. You mention your little one is 3 weeks old? Ah, yes, it is all a bit thankless at this stage as there are limited responses to the care and love you are giving -..... - but then comes week 6 .... Around 6 weeks your baby smiles and laughs for the first time (some do this earlier, some do this later. My DC1 did this in his sleep from the beginning but in waking time around 6 weeks.) It all seems a bit more worth it when they start smiling back at you :)

All the best