4.5 month old won't sleep!

[Bunnybearkaju]

Hello lovely people,

A FTM here. My 4.5 month old DD hasn't been a great sleeper since birth, but since almost a month and a half, she hasn't been sleeping for more than 2-3 hours at a time at night and only taking 30-45 min naps. She is also reallyyyyy difficult to put down and almost always resists bedtime and naps! Lately, she has even started crying as soon as I take her to the room and put her sleep sack on- as if she knows what comes next.
We follow a specific routine for both naps and bedtime (massage, bf, hugs and kisses, lullaby with some rocking and put in cot awake) since she was 2 months old. But she NEVER goes in the cot without screaming. Even if she does, I have to shussh pat her to sleep for like 15-20 min. and she would wake up in 30 minutes crying. She sleeps a total of 7-8 hrs at night (broken, and with 2 feeds) and takes maybe 1-2 hrs of nap (1-2 naps).
Some days if we are lucky, she will nap for longer (like today has been been sleeping for 2 hrs) which messes up her night sleep. She is constantly yawning and rubbing her eyes but the moment I get her ready for bed, she starts crying. I feel so bad for her that she isn't getting enough sleep.
We just came out of leap 4 yesterday (as per the WW app) and I was hoping for some improvement, but looks like it's a looongggg way to go confused. I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs at a stretch at night for almost 2 months now. I go back to work next month and I am scared if things don't improve, I might have to do cc to get her to sleep on her own and stay asleep. Is it fine to consider cc at this age?
Hoping for some tips and suggestions here.
Sorry for the long post but I could really use some help.

No, sleep training is completely barbaric for a young baby. Absolutely not before 6 months and even that isn’t right in my view.

Frequent waking is normal. It is not something to try to stop. You just have to let baby find it’s own way with sleep patterns by giving them the opportunity. My DD slept poorly for the first 9 months, we just had to co-sleep and get through it.

I know the sleep deprivation is hard but it’s to be expected-babies are designed to wake frequently for their own safety and it can take a long time for them to sleep long stretches at night.
Try reading Sarah Ockwell-Smith, she explains it well. Most peoples expectations of babies sleep are well out of their physiological ability.
sarahockwell-smith.com/tag/gentle-sleep-training/

Sounds like a normal baby to me (I've had 2 and got a 3rd at present).

Devils advocate: Why do you keep trying to do things she clearly doesn't like?

You could get a sling and just carry on doing whatever during the day; bet she sleeps fine. Then at night cuddle her to sleep in your bed (look up safe cosleeping).

In the kindest possible way you are making this difficult for you both by trying to force her to do what YOU want. She's a baby, and as you're finding, she won't.

@Megan2018 Thanks for sharing. I think I might just have to wait it out and continue what I am doing right now. Most of the times she is so tired that she sleeps on the boob and wakes up sometime later because she is hungry again. This is like a vicious circle. I try to keep her awake during feeds (at least during the day). Hope things get better as she grows.🤞🏼

Around four-five months was a real shit patch for sleep with DD (now two and still wakes in the night most nights). I remember a period where she did 40 minute cycles at a time and I thought I was going to die.

It will pass. Lower your expectations (fuck the housework off for a bit) and give yourself a break. IME they'll sleep or not, regardless of what technique you try/bf/FF/routines etc. It's just luck.

@WetJan Been there-she woke up every 45 min! Now it's 1-2 hrs. Did you do anything differently to improve her sleep?

@User0ne Have tried co-sleeping a couple of times, but she still keeps waking up. Sometimes she will go 3 hrs without waking up and sometimes 45 min. More than anything, she RESISTS going to sleep-she will cry and kick her legs the moment I take her to her room. Hope this resolves itself.

Nope. She's just got better and better with no intervention. And I was much less stressed once I stopped worrying about what she was meant to be doing and what I should be doing about it. We accepted our sleep will be fucked for a few years (esp if I have another DC) and that it was part of the deal.
She now goes to sleep in her own room. Sometimes sleeps all the way though and sometimes comes into our room at any time from 11.30 to 6am. She crawls in and goes straight to sleep when she does so I don't mind. She is a wriggler though so DH and I have an agreement that the other can slink off to the spare room if we have a long or busy day the next day. I know we're lucky to have a spare room atm, not sure what we'll do next time round when DD has taken it over.

@WetJan Wow! Good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. 🙂

There totally is... it just never feels like that when you're in the midst of it. Enjoy what's left of your mat leave.... god I miss Homes Under The Hammer

@WetJan Hahaha, right! Netflix and chill it is😊