Worries about the potential stress of Family Court - any experience?

[Anon778833]

I have heard that if you and your partner can’t agree about contact, FC can be a nightmare. Will ignore domestic abuse and twist things to the abusers advantage.

My ex partner and I broke up just after Christmas & it was never an easy relationship. We have a 16 month old daughter. We’ve never been married or lived together and he lives in another town.

When we got together, he told me that he has relapsing remitting MS but that he ‘ignores it’ and ‘doesn’t want to give it air time’. During our relationship I could see examples of him having relapses, Being very tired and being in pain etc. One time, after what seemed to me like an obvious relapse he was saying that he thought evil spirits were strangling him (no,sadly this isn’t a joke). He told me he sometimes gets blurry vision and that he has nerve damage in his arm and leg.

Not long ago, I found out he hasn’t informed the DVLA so I reported him. I don’t want him driving our daughter around when he ignores the cause of his health problems and I’ve said he can’t drive her until he has the correct license and everything is above board.

This means that if I agree to drive her somewhere, so he can see her he gets angry about me driving her because it’s a slight on his ego. I had told him I’ll drop her off with him at her toddler groups so that he can do actual activities with her but he won’t because he’s angry with me.

He has also started saying to me that I have imagined him telling me that he has MS, and I’m making this all up because I want to punish him. I can’t believe it tbh.

If all this goes to court, how can I minimise the chances of having a shed load more stress that I don’t need by social workers becoming involved?

Your solicitor can ask for medical proof one way or the other I imagine?

Yes I should imagine so. It’s all the other stuff in between that I’m concerned about.

Imo organisation of activities is for when the dc is in your time. Ex needs to organise his own time with her..
It's called parenting.. Or you will piss him off - rightly so - micro managing his contact.. Let a judge deem him physically fit. It isn't up to you. However strongly you feel..

@Aprilshowersandhail right, so if this was your child, you’d be perfectly fine someone driving your child around who has blurry vision? It’s not happening and I’ve spoken to a family law solicitor who says I’m being 100% reasonable about that.
I’m fed up with the fathers for justice types on here

And I offered for him to take her to this thing because he wanted to! This activity is paid for by me and he’s not paying any maintenance either.

There is nothing else for him to do around here with her due to lockdowns. He’s not driving her so this is the alternative.

Where do I say he should be driving her about?
I have in the past reported my exh to the police for not using car seats, and dvla for driving with a disability. Undisclosed one.. On your previous threads I suggested you reporting your exh. Doesn't mean you get to decide what's what . Your dd is his dc also remember..

By being so insistant you are correct will shed you in a bad light in court op...

For her to spend time with him at his house he’d need to drive her. That’s the problem. Because he lives miles away. I don’t think it would be fair to expect me to do 3 hour round trips every time she needs dropping off & picking up.

I know she’s also his dc but am I supposed to wait a year for the court to sort out whether or not he should be driving her? And if an accident happens just shrug my shoulders and say oh well I carried this baby and nurtured her practically single handedly but I had to let her father drive her long distances because he has the right to put her at risk?

It’s an absolute nightmare. Normal people don’t lie about health conditions and cause all these problems. I’m hoping that reporting him will force him to sort it out.

@Aprilshowersandhail

By being so insistant you are correct will shed you in a bad light in court op...

Correct about what though?

Leave it to the courts to sort..
Less stress for you..

My solicitor says that I’m doing the right thing not letting him drive her and that judges would not think I was being obstructive.

I was really wanting to know what people’s experiences are like with Cafcass & SWs.

Cafcass are a disease.
Never had ss involved.. It isn't automatic via court ime..

If there’s no prior involvement from social services it usually gets referred to cafcass. This is what I heard. Why are they a disease?

We’d have to go to mediation anyway before anyone could file for court.

After 4 years our senior Cafcass officer admitted his entire statement was based on 'facts' he got from exh.
.
I sincerely hope he was sacked...
His predecessor was sacked for threatening I would lose custody if I didn't go along with her measures (which was a voluntary meet) I threw her out my house and reported her to her boss.
Her predecessor called my dc by the wrong names in his whole initial statement.. The whole thing was a complete farce..

I see. That sounds like a nightmare. Sorry you had to go through that. So is this why you’re suggesting I just let him drive her to avoid this nightmare?

It does seem like you can’t win. The thing is, he wasn’t just diagnosed with this a year ago. He’s had it for 20 years, ignoring relapses, ignoring doctors who suggest he should be on medication. A couple of years ago he crashed into a bus stop and then drive off without reporting it. It’s a good thing nobody was there...

No I didn't say that. But if you come across as negative about contact you won't be looked favourably upon. Agree to fair contact.. It is up to him and his solicitor to explain how that can happen.

I’ve already suggested to him that I could drop her off at his mums or his brothers house at weekends and pick her up. Because they live in the same town as us. I do actually want her to see him and spend time with him otherwise she’ll forget him.? But it has to be what he wants or nothing.

The thing is the more you offer the less he will think for himself. And when it goes wrong guess who will be blamed? Enabling him to be a lazy arse will back fire... Offer /agree the contact and bite your tongue... It really isn't up to you to facilitate it. He needs to sort it out. Or it won't work long term. He can use a taxi /relative /other. Many people manage!

Ok, fair enough. I see what you mean.

Focus on doing mediation first, would be better all round to avoid court. However if it does go to court I found cafcass very good. Just remember you need to be willing to listen to the experts not think you can just tell them how it should be. List your concerns , bite your tongue and ask them for possiblesolutions which would be best for your child. Odds are they will mention the solution you prefer anyway.

If he has a medical and the DVLA give him a 3 year license, he can take her. No questions asked. It’s the fact he’s been ignoring this condition and rejecting medical advice which could impact on the physical safety of our child.

Who are ‘the experts’? the cafcass people in the previous posters experience were completely unprofessional by the sounds of it.

I would much prefer to avoid court. Anyone know who attends the mediation and how it gets run. Does someone just make recommendations?