I have an 8 month old little boy. He is currently cutting three teeth at the top, and a little out of sorts. But otherwise healthy despite some reflux and getting more mobile. No crawling yet, but rolling over, standing aided and sitting independently well.
On Monday, we were getting ready to see a friend for coffee and as we do most days, I sat him down on the floor in our little hall (he sits well unaided, but I always supervise) with my nappy bag behind him, between him and the door. I put my shoes on, tied the laces. And then we get up and go - except Monday, we didn't. Because he toppled forward, but toward the side and bashed his cheekbone on the doorstep. Which is concrete. He cried, poor love and I picked him up to console. Had a look and I could see a bruise appearing.
Immediately called 111 for advice, whilst popping a cold teething toy on the bruise and as this wasn't calming him, I popped his dummy in for comfort which he doesn't usually have during the day. He had stopped crying as the 111 operator picked up the call so not long after. They advised I go to A&E within the hour with him as he is so little and it's a head injury. So I did. Of course, I wanted to make sure nothing was broken and if so get him whatever he needed. Now at this point I feel like the world's worst mum. The guilt is overwhelming and I've shed more tears than he has.
It doesn't matter how many people have told me accidents happen in the last 48 hours, it's my sole job to keep him safe and I feel like I failed.
In regard my son, he is fine, checked over by triage and said fine, checked by a senior, and less senior nurse and both agreed fine. He has a bruise, but no breaks, thank goodness. We sat in the waiting room at a and e and he was happily smiling at everyone, chewing on his dummy and being his usual cheeky self bouncing on my lap.
I however now feel traumatised.
I wasn't prepared for the onslaught, or what feels like one, on top of the guilt of the accident itself.
After triage, we were shown to paediatrics, where initial obs were taken. They were quite busy so it took a while to be properly seen by the nurse lead. The less senior nurse mentioned something about seeing to another patient and then she would be over to 'weigh' my son. Now, I'm not daft.
The more senior nurse came over and pulled the curtains round a few minutes later and asked me to strip down my son. Now, I have no problem with this and I know they need to safeguard, and we have absolutely nothing to hide, this was an accident and I still don't know what I could have done differently. We sit like that and get ready to go out most days. Still, the realisation of what she was looking for shook me at the time. She said everything was fine (obviously!) But it was procedure that she needed to call a consultant to sign off before we could go. I expected a call, but no, we had a visit from the consultant. She, again, was lovely and just said no concerns, take the head injury leaflet, even though its not a proper head injury, and off you go. I was in floods of tears by this stage. She said it was a nice way to end the day and had a cuddle with my son.
Lead nurse said I could expect a call from the HV in the next few days.
Spoke to a couple of friends with similar stories and they all had HV calls too - which again, is fine and I have no issue at all with.
HV called this morning and was lovely, again, no concerns, accident happen etc. I still feel like poo.
So, this afternoon, whilst actually out with the friend I meant to meet on Monday, I get a call from a private number- a social worker! She's calling because of Monday. So now I am totally shocked and feel bloody awful, on top of terrified about why a social worker is calling me. She was fine, but sounded very young, and said no follow up required etc. I did question why on earth she was calling me though, and I didn't really get a clear answer. Ranging from overzealousness, to 'I wasn't sure if the HV had called you yet' to the paperwork came through and was referred as it was out of hours. (I arrived at a&e around 2.30 perhaps, and was back to my car by 6.30pm so appreciate paperwork may have gone after hours)
I have had no contact with social services before. Either as an individual or as a parent and neither has my husband. Other people in a similar situation don't seem to have had a call from SS?
My understanding is that SS and the HV's are there to support families and to safeguard children. I have absolutely, unequivocally no issue with this and appreciate that some children end up in a&e and it's not an accident.
The thing is, I feel bloody awful about what happened as it is and no one could tell me what I should have done differently. Everyone has said accident happen. Doesn't make me feel better, but hey. This is totally juxtaposed with what I feel has been a totally unnecessary call from SS whose point I fail to understand. It has done the opposite of achieve support and safeguarding from my perspective. I am now paranoid about every tiny thing with my son. What if he topples again? Is there a black mark on a file somewhere? Am I doing something wrong? I'm terrified and now second guessing everything I do with him.
Its been such a rubbish year. I'm about to go back to work and feeling guilty about leaving him 3 days a week, guilty im bringing in less than a full time wage. I've been stuck at home with a baby who cries a lot from his reflux pain (now medicated) with little to no support from family or professionals because of lockdown and myself being ECV. Its been bloody hard. And he still wakes multiple times during the night so my husband and I are exhausted. Now this. It just feels like a horrible end to a horrible maternity leave that has been stolen from my son and I, never to be had again.
I don't know what the point of my post is, and I've written an essay- sorry. I just feel bloody horrible and really low now.