Any one has the experience of suffering anxiety while being a parent

[Deborahxc123]

I have been suffering anxiety for many years and after giving birth to my daughter, the situation has became more and more unstable. Recently I really feel I cannot bear her and the life any more. She slept with me and I do not have good sleep during the night. During the day time, if she is at home, I have to suffer the loud noise caused by her or the baby song play from YouTube. So I am always frustrated, sleepy, and angry. I am really tired of staying at home with my husband and we have been working from home for more than 1 year now. I have no where to go but only working, doing the house work and looking after my daughter. My husband who works long hours and basically cannot help me even a little bit. Just now, I feel I am so desperate and I cannot pretend being a happy parent anymore. I just shouted and my husband blamed me because he thinks I am always the one who destroys the family atmosphere and never get satisfied. Sorry everyone, I just have a desire to speak all this out (my family and friends always think I am in control of everything and I never complain to them) and hopefully I can find someone who can understand my feeling on line. I know I am not a typical mum who can sacrifice everything for the kid and I just cannot do that, which I feel disappointed about myself as well. Maybe it is all my issues, just like my husband says, every parent, even who is not working, is tired and I should not complain so much......

Hi OP, really sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It sounds like you are really struggling. I had terrible post natal anxiety after DD2 and really struggled. Have you spoken to the doctor about how you're feeling?

@jobsagudden

Hi OP, really sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It sounds like you are really struggling. I had terrible post natal anxiety after DD2 and really struggled. Have you spoken to the doctor about how you're feeling?

Yes, I have been on therapy from time to time but I think it is very hard to get rid of anxiety or depression completely. It will come back sometimes. Actually i just finished a session one month ago. Thank you for your reply and understanding

I am really sorry to hear of you struggling like this.
You need to speak to GP ASAP, do you have any family who can help you? Give you a break?
Whilst your DH works long hours does he help on his breaks?
The sentence you said of ‘ Recently I really feel I cannot bear her and the life any more.’ is frightening. Not in a judging way but it shows how much you need help.

Hi OP, I think I understand a little of what you are feeling. It is especially hard not being able to go out and visit people. Just making friends with one neighbour who also had a bably, and spending time at her house with my little one, was an absolute lifesaver for me. So I can understand how hard you are finding it, cooped up with everyone all day every day. Please do not be hard on yourself - so many mothers of babies and small children are finding this really really hard, it is not just you!

Can you get out to a park or just for a walk wtih the baby in the buggy? I found this really helped both the baby and me to be more contented.

And have you considered medication? My worst time of mother-anxiety struck when my kids were older, and medication was essential for me. Otherwise I had that awful feeling of "I can't bear this, and I can't bear me", all the time. Medication was the only thing that really made it go away.

@candycane222

Hi OP, I think I understand a little of what you are feeling. It is especially hard not being able to go out and visit people. Just making friends with one neighbour who also had a bably, and spending time at her house with my little one, was an absolute lifesaver for me. So I can understand how hard you are finding it, cooped up with everyone all day every day. Please do not be hard on yourself - so many mothers of babies and small children are finding this really really hard, it is not just you!

Can you get out to a park or just for a walk wtih the baby in the buggy? I found this really helped both the baby and me to be more contented.

And have you considered medication? My worst time of mother-anxiety struck when my kids were older, and medication was essential for me. Otherwise I had that awful feeling of "I can't bear this, and I can't bear me", all the time. Medication was the only thing that really made it go away.

Thank you for your understanding and I am so grateful for that. I seldom have time to walk outside during the day as my work is super busy and there is always urgent calls and emails. I am trying to go outside after work around 6 pm if I am not that exhausted. Meditation seems a very good relaxing tool and actually my therapist recommended to me before as well. I will definitely give it a try

@PinkCookie11

I am really sorry to hear of you struggling like this. You need to speak to GP ASAP, do you have any family who can help you? Give you a break? Whilst your DH works long hours does he help on his breaks? The sentence you said of ‘ Recently I really feel I cannot bear her and the life any more.’ is frightening. Not in a judging way but it shows how much you need help.

Thank you for asking. Yes, my GP knows my situation and I have a therapist who sends me the measurement table every week to discuss the score. I think I am still sensible for work and family but it was just some moments I really want to say something to express my feeling.

Bless you. It sounds exhausting. Are you trying to work at home with a baby?

That’s enough to make anyone feel anxious. I did it for a few months last lockdown and it nearly destroyed my mental health.

@Rootsmanouvre

Bless you. It sounds exhausting. Are you trying to work at home with a baby?

That’s enough to make anyone feel anxious. I did it for a few months last lockdown and it nearly destroyed my mental health.

Yes, I hope this situation can change in near future.....

It sounds like you have so much going on, op. I'm not surprised that you are feeling the way you are. Lack of sleep is one of the hardest things to deal with and on top of that you're working full time and looking after your little girl.

As pp have said I would contact your GP, they should be able to offer some support.

So sorry, have just seen that you have already spoken to your GP. In that case I would speak to your family and DH about this.

OP can you talk to your husband and family and explain how you are feeling? If they always think you are in control they may have no idea how bad things have got? Have you got any family that could help with the baby? Or could you consider child care to give you a break? Working from home with a baby is going to drive anyone to despair?

Would it be worth going back to the doctor to talk about medication? When I started taking citalopram it really changed my life for the better, I know not for everyone though.

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

How are your finances? Given you are both working full time can you afford to buy in some help? A cleaner?

Can you help us understand how old your little one is and why they are not in childcare if you are working?

Does your husband help out at the weekends?

Is there any way you can put your out of office on across lunchtime and step away from your laptop and have an enforced break.

Your current set up would be extremely difficult for anyone. Even the most organised most nurturing most everything would struggle to do a full days work with no childcare support and do all of the cooking and cleaning and evening childcare too and with no sleep. It isn't about you not being good enough. Its about getting the headspace to make small
Practical changes to make life easier.

@anxietyanonymous

How are your finances? Given you are both working full time can you afford to buy in some help? A cleaner?

Can you help us understand how old your little one is and why they are not in childcare if you are working?

Does your husband help out at the weekends?

Is there any way you can put your out of office on across lunchtime and step away from your laptop and have an enforced break.

Your current set up would be extremely difficult for anyone. Even the most organised most nurturing most everything would struggle to do a full days work with no childcare support and do all of the cooking and cleaning and evening childcare too and with no sleep. It isn't about you not being good enough. Its about getting the headspace to make small
Practical changes to make life easier.

I think our finance is not bad, it is just we are using all the savings to buy a flat, without selling the old one, so I am just tight on money recently (part of the reason is my sense of insecurity). And my husband is not that into the idea of having a cleaner now because of the virus.

My daughter is around 4 and she is recently staying at home with us because we are moving.

It is very difficult for me to have a break during lunchtime. Or say, I barely have one. I have to cook and work is super busy. I can only go out after work around 6 pm, but I am always too tired to do so. I hope things will be changed after the moving...

@jobsagudden

OP can you talk to your husband and family and explain how you are feeling? If they always think you are in control they may have no idea how bad things have got? Have you got any family that could help with the baby? Or could you consider child care to give you a break? Working from home with a baby is going to drive anyone to despair?

Would it be worth going back to the doctor to talk about medication? When I started taking citalopram it really changed my life for the better, I know not for everyone though.

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

This is another story about my family. My mum gets lung cancer and keeps anxious all the time. She is even depending on my comfort. I do not think I can get much from her and my father who is doing his best to look after her physically and mentally. As for friends, it seems they are so busy doing their own things and I will feel guilty to put my negative thoughts to them. So the only person I can talk is my therapist....

@jobsagudden

OP can you talk to your husband and family and explain how you are feeling? If they always think you are in control they may have no idea how bad things have got? Have you got any family that could help with the baby? Or could you consider child care to give you a break? Working from home with a baby is going to drive anyone to despair?

Would it be worth going back to the doctor to talk about medication? When I started taking citalopram it really changed my life for the better, I know not for everyone though.

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

oh, as for my husband, you know I have been in this anxiety thing for several years and I think he is bit of tired of this. Always the same thing, lack of security and excessive worrying thoughts. Actually I can understand him because I myself do not want to comfort a negative person all the time, given the experience with my Mum. I assume the best way for me is to talk to the therapist.