Obsessing over baby nap shedule! HELP

[LD597612]

Recently I've realised that I am actually obsessed with my LG shedule shes 4 months old and I'd say I've been out to visit friends/family only a handful of times for fear of her not getting her naps, I am constantly looking or asking for the time constantly watching her for tired or hunger signs there's literally ZERO room in my brain for anything else.. infant I can't even remember the last time I thought about anything else shes in a really good routine shes very happy and almost never cries but quite recently I've realised I'm just not happy I love her to pieces and we have a very strong bond but to the point I don't want anyone near her other than my partner who I trust with her 100%
The routine is literally taking over everything and I don't know what I can do to help my self to try and go a bit more with the flow.. in this last week I think I've probably cried every single day, my partner says not to put pressure on my self he's actually amazing if I'm honest however anything he says seems to go through one ear and out the other and I just can not stop! Is this even normal? Is there something wrong with me? Should I be trying to visit friends and family more? Only 1 of my friends has been to visit me at my house twice since she was born and I feel like I'm losing all my friends, the overwhelming stress and anxiety I feel about getting my LG ready and in the car to a friends house and try and get back in time for her nap puts me of doing anything. But I need some more socialising I know I do I love spending time with my LG I don't want her to be looked after by anyone such as MIL etc so I can do things... I want her with me but I want to see people too.. I have a small handful of issues here I realise that as I'm typing away...
I just want to know am I cracking up?

To be honest you are probably in the worst of it sleep wise; it’s great that you have them in a routine.

Does she sleep in the pram? In the car?

Or only in cot/bed or wherever you put them in the house?

Shell only sleep in a dark room with white noise on now I've tried going out on walks whilst she naps which did work up until about 4 weeks ago even now shes having her first nap in a our room it's dark and I'm sat on the bed I havent left her alone sleeping yet

My eldest was a bugger for naps too! It sounds like you’re doing really well to have a solid routine so young so don’t beat yourself up. To make things easier I’d start on trying to get her to nap in the pram to allow you get out more during the day. Start by doing your usual nap time routine with dark, white noise etc in the house but putting her down in the pram rather than the cot. Once she’s accepting of that then start pushing her outside once asleep with sunshade for dark and white noise playing on your phone.

It’s also ok that you’re not ready to leave her with anyone other than your DH yet. 4 months is still so tiny! If MIL is pressuring you then ignore her. I do think it’s good to do things for you though and feeding routine permitting I would encourage leaving the baby with DH for short spells to see a friend for coffee without kids, go for walk round the block, anything really.

And do speak to your HV or GP if you think you might be experiencing post natal depression.

I have a 6 month old and was just thinking about this yesterday. I think covid/lockdowns has added to the worry about routines. It was only last week that I was able to take dd to a baby group and the pool for the first time. I was getting all worried about her nap times clashing with things because so far we've been consistently close to home so she's been able to nap in the cot every day. The naps went a bit haywire on those days we went out but it wasn't as bad as I had thought. She caught up a bit when we got home and had slightly more grumpy afternoons. I felt more confident to have a more flexible day slightly off routine after I'd done it once. Maybe try a trip to a friend making the decision that if the naps are off you'll just go with the flow that day. If baby gets really upset you could just set off home? You might find your confidence builds a bit like mine did. (I'm still having plenty of days where we stick to her routine by the way - definitely not out and about all the time! But happier to be flexible)

I was like this too OP, looking back. I think it was a bit of anxiety in my case. But equally your baby is happy and healthy and will soon need fewer naps leaving you more time in between naps to meet up.

Have you come across the huckleberry app yet? I just use the free nap predicting feature, I don't bother tracking anything else. It really helped me plan my days and I found it less stressful than a routine.

My baby is 5 months and I’m possibly too go with the flow when it comes to naps so our nap schedule can be a bit all over the place! I do think this is why her night time sleep can be a bit crap at times!
Out of curiosity, what are you worried will happen if she doesn’t nap at the expected time? I hope this doesn’t sound rude, I’m just trying to get an idea of where the issue may be coming from.

Caring for a young baby is hard work, and carrying all that stress on top makes it even harder! It does sound like you’ve got a bit fixated on naps, and if it’s making you unhappy then working to get a bit less rigid sounds like a good idea. You could try doing some naps in the pram, or wearing your baby in a sling while spending time out of the house so she can just drop off to sleep if she fancies it.

Bear in mind that many babies experience a big sleep regression around 4 months. If you try to change things and suddenly sleep goes haywire, it isn’t necessarily because you tried to loosen up your routine, it could be the sleep regression kicking in.

It’s hard to tell from your post if you’re just having a bad patch or if your mental health isn’t so good right now - maybe talk to your health visitor about how stressful you are finding things.

Good luck! I hope you feel less stressed soon.

@Sls668

My baby is 5 months and I’m possibly too go with the flow when it comes to naps so our nap schedule can be a bit all over the place! I do think this is why her night time sleep can be a bit crap at times! Out of curiosity, what are you worried will happen if she doesn’t nap at the expected time? I hope this doesn’t sound rude, I’m just trying to get an idea of where the issue may be coming from.

I echo this because my 5 month old is my second, I don’t have time to worry about her nap schedule because I have things to do. Rather than counting naps have you tried just checking how much overall sleep she’s getting- what I mean is you can have days where she will sleep one big 2 hr nap and one day where she has 8 15min cat naps- sleep Isn’t linear. You are going to drive yourself crazy. Plan a trip out for the day, you know your baby will fall asleep when tired and if she gets a bit grizzly rock her for a bit, find a quiet corner. But please relax, enjoy your baby.

The schedule you've got now won't be the schedule in 3 months, or 6 months or 12 months. It changes so much in that first year-18 months. I drove myself nuts with DC1 sleep and it didn't help either of us. It's actually really handy to have a baby/toddler who sleeps in lots of different places - it makes days out much easier.

I'd book in a visit with an understanding mate or family member who won't mind a grizzly baby and don't stress about getting back in time for a nap and see what happens.

Have you got a video monitor? You can set that up by her cot, then you don't have to stay in the room with her while she naps.

it's really difficult when they are little. Can you gradually build up confidence with a little outing every day? What are the nap times? If, for example, she is awake for a three hour period plan to go somewhere that is 20 minutes away for 40 minutes. Then you have plenty of time to get out and back within the window. Tell a friend you're struggling and ask them to meet you at your house and go with you?