Hi everyone. First post on here. Really struggling. My 18 month old has decided not to sleep and I’m quickly losing my rag. He was a terrible sleeper until 10 months then out of desperation I did cry it out and he slept great. Now we are back to square one. I’m now back to work full time in a stressful job. Lack of sleep is my trigger and I just see myself being angry all the time as every night he’s not sleeping. Angry at the baby. Angry at my husband. Husband is great I don’t want to moan about him but the fact is as the mother you do the brunt of everything. I know it’s the same for all mums but I’m run ragged. Constantly behind at work. Now I feel failing my child and angry at him. Have awful thoughts like I always knew I was not maternal and I must have been right and this all isn’t for me. I feel horrendous even writing that and probably something bad will happen that I said that. I think about quitting work financially we would survive (just) but I’m the main breadwinner have a good career that I worked my whole life for which I’m proud of and enjoy and it provides us with a good life. I have to do things 100 percent or not bother which is why I feel can’t cope with motherhood and work and failing at both. Despite trying my best end up losing my rag and husband can’t understand why and all babies are challenging so we just must get on with it will be his view. He’s very patient. I am not I’m too used to work and and being a mum requires a lot of patience which I just don’t have. On top of all that spend my life worrying about little one being ill (he was ill when born) recently he wasn’t well. I called doctors 3 times they didn’t want to know. He then took a turn for the worse so was back in hospital. They think just tonsillitis but I couldn’t cope with the worry after last time when he was very sick. And to me just another failure that I don’t know what I’m doing plus I’m a wreck always expecting the worst to happen. I should have forced a doctor saw my son. I have since complained. Sorry for the long rant. Just feel failing with everything and succeeding with nothing. I’ve already taken some steps to try help the day to day workload so got a cleaner and gardener due to my work being demanding. Thanks for reading this.