Toddler is a massive pain in the arse when walking

[fassnk]

DS is 22 months. We have recently moved house, and where we used to live there was a large park - I would take DS in the pram and then he would just run around the trails etc. At our new house, there are 2 walks just down our road. both the same really, both have playparks and trails and streams etc. but bloody DS is a nightmare! he wont hold my hand, wont listen about the road, wont go where i want him to go - he pretty much insists on going the other way to what ive said. ive tried bargaining, being firm, picking him up and bringing him home when he wont listen, ive tried reins but he just sits down and cries with them on. what do i do?! how do you get your child to walk properly?! even 5 minutes of holding my hand and going down the road ive said would be nice. i think letting him run free in the park at our previous house hasnt helped, although he did listen more back then when i said "we are going this way" etc. im at my wits end! DS always wants to go out walking so the constant battles are exhausting. Should i just let him go where he wants to go and follow along?!

Give him something to push be it a pram or whatever keep him occupied or a little life back see if that helps he can put his "things" in it for going out, and take mum's hand on repeat! Failing all that you might need to put him in and out of his buggy crossing roads.

Should i just let him go where he wants to go and follow along?!

in the park/safe area, yes. solong you observe closely and can intervene immediately should there be a danger or your dc behaves inapropriately.

I think we spent years doing just that! It's not being a PITA, it's being a toddler!

Take him somewhere he can go where he wants safely, you're fighting a losing battle for at least a couple of months.

Mine is almost 3 and he will still occasionally have moments where he will stop listening and run at full speed to the only dangerous thing around.

Get a backpack rein.

Should i just let him go where he wants to go and follow along
This is what I’d do where it’s safe and just step in if he’s about to do something daft like jump in the steam. When it’s not safe, like crossing the road, he goes in the buggy. In a few months he’ll probably be able to understand that he needs to walk nicely and hold hands or he goes in the buggy but 22 months is still a bit too young for that.

I tried a back backpack with reins with my son at a similar age - he insisted on carrying the damn rein but it did make him walk properly.

I'd do a mixture of both.

When it's just a walk tell him he can go on backpack (they are really good!) and he can choose. But he walks and holds hands on road or his in buggy.

When you need to walk in a certain direction he's told you are deciding direction and again behaves or buggy.

Once at a park or open space I'd let wander to his hearts content.

He's quite young so he may not completely understand what you mean but he'll soon learn the cause and effect of listening or buggy!

At that age I use to let my ds walk and walk. Then bribe him with pushchair with a snack and he'd fall asleep on way home - and I'd have a peaceful cuppa when we got there

I had this! It's not an easy stage tbh.
Backpack with reigns, make it a game to go in the right direction. Follow the birds, who can run to the next tree this way, look at [ item X] ahead ,etc.

Good luck.

Have you met a toddler before OP? It’s what they do! My 2.3 year old is getting better now... he knows he has to hold my hand by the roads etc. He still runs wild on grass/parks etc. My middle DC was pretty good (she refused the pushchair from 15 months so had to learn quickly!). My first was similar to my 3rd I think. It’s a phase, they grow out of it!

Does he want to walk off alone or does he want to lead and take you places? DS is 16 mo and insists on leading so I just walk slightly behind him at parks. He doesn’t get the option to walk on the street - it’s pushchair only and if he screams then so be it.

@Wuurg

Get a backpack rein.

She said he hates this

Thanks everyone. I did suspect he was still a bit young to understand, but also i dont want to let him dictate all the time where we go and what we do, perhaps wishful thinking! I will try reins in a backpack - ive only used the ones like a harness. And ill try giving him something to push too! I'll start with the walk nicely or in the buggy and see how that goes too.

I always brought the pushchair. If he played up, he had to go in the pushchair. He always had the option to choose to behave and could come straight back out if he did.

Beside roads the choice was to hold my hand or hold the push chair ... or sit strapped into it.

We used to play a game where I would hold up my hand and when he saw that he would run over and high five me and sometimes get a chocolate button. It meant that I could hold up my hand and he’d come straight over.

I never leave abruptly if I can help it. I give a five minute warning (showing five fingers) and then counting down by holding up 4 then 3,2,1. And then I’d say, “it’s time to go now. You have your last go on xxx and I’ll meet you at the gate” and I’d start walking slowly away. I rarely had any trouble about going home.

Toddlers love choices and feeling in control but you can limit the choices to suit yourself eg “would you like to go this way, or go back home?” Hold out a hand as you say each choice so it’s a visual limit as well.

Drawing a map before you go can help too. In fact, even after the toddler stage, it’s hugely helpful to set out expectations before you do things. “We’re going to the shops and you’re going to be on your very best behaviour, and hold the trolley and wait quietly when I’m paying”.

I probably sound like a nazi but it worked very well for us. If you are very firm with behaviour and boundaries you’ll be more relaxed and fun and actually enjoy taking them out.

If he sits down and cries with the reins on, just stand and wait for him to finish. Don't interact. When he stops crying just say off we go, and try again.

Some things they can have a choice over - when it involves safety, they don't.

@fassnk

Thanks everyone. I did suspect he was still a bit young to understand, but also i dont want to let him dictate all the time where we go and what we do, perhaps wishful thinking! I will try reins in a backpack - ive only used the ones like a harness. And ill try giving him something to push too! I'll start with the walk nicely or in the buggy and see how that goes too.

Saying ‘bye bye’ to things helps. It sounds stupid but 5 mins before we leave the park I have him say bye to the swings, the slide, the seesaw (with one go on each). It seems to prime him to leave

@fassnk

Thanks everyone. I did suspect he was still a bit young to understand, but also i dont want to let him dictate all the time where we go and what we do, perhaps wishful thinking! I will try reins in a backpack - ive only used the ones like a harness. And ill try giving him something to push too! I'll start with the walk nicely or in the buggy and see how that goes too.

Sounds like a good plan.

Right now your still finding out about your DS personality and he's still working out who he is.

As in life some people are more strong willed than others and as you discover his level of stubbornness or ability to compromise it'll become easier to work out what state goes work.

He is so little. Children don't begin to develop road sense or estimation of distance till they are about 7. It is a slow and gradual process and it is not advisable to try to teach them in a dangerous environment. I would use pushchair/buggyboard/reins when near the road and let him have some freedom once well away from road and traffic.

@porridgecake

He is so little. Children don't begin to develop road sense or estimation of distance till they are about 7. It is a slow and gradual process and it is not advisable to try to teach them in a dangerous environment. I would use pushchair/buggyboard/reins when near the road and let him have some freedom once well away from road and traffic.

Really? My 5 year old has plenty of road sense and has done for a while.

DS is 21 months as we use backpack reins.
Also throws himself to the floor when I want to go in another direction, so I stop let him have his couple of minutes on the floor because he soon realises he doesn't actually want to sit on the floor.

I let him run free in a park or trail but always keep his back pack reins on him incase I need to quickly grab him.

He's so fast!

That's what toddlers do.

Rucksack reins or a buggy are the way forward to keep him safe and you sane.

They do develop road sense but studies have shown it isn't reliable until at least 7. Particularly wrt estimating time and distance involved in approaching traffic, stopping distance of vehicles, time taken to cross a road for example. Impulse control is also not reliable until at least 7. How many children can be relied upon not to run after a ball for example.
There have been awful instances of even older children being killed and injured due to the above issues. Particularly estimating the speed of traffic.

I think it depends on experience. There are much younger kids walking to school in other countries who can navigate traffic and stranger danger just fine.

My DS used to do this too. Take him to the park or somewhere safe, let him run ahead then hide behind a bush , so you can still see him of course, if necessary follow him hiding as you go. At some point he'll realize he's lost you and freak out a bit. ( don't wait too long obviously the aim is not to traumatisé !) At that go to him. I did this once and it stopped the running off too far.

It's not being a PITA, it's being a toddler!

Is there a difference?

Ahh OP, I feel your pain. DD will be 3 in July but I still get on edge taking her out and find it very hard to take her anywhere. We mostly stick to driving to a safe gated park, she will hold my hand a bit more now but is very unpredictable and the buggy has always be a nightmare. We pop to the shops for sweets, which bribes her nicely but your little one is a bit too young for that! If I remember rightly at that age we had these butterfly wings reigns, until she got a bit more awareness. It’s definitely one of the most challenging things about having a toddler!