Help - how to get newborn to sleep not on me?!

[RMarieClaire]

DS is 6 days old and will not be put down. I know this is normal - but I don’t know how to help him past this point. DD was the same but had light therapy at day 5 which meant a night on her back and that cracked it a bit (still only sleep in a nest). We’ve tried co-sleeping/side feeding lying in bed, swaddling, sleep nests, rocking. He just screams as soon as he’s transitioned no matter how asleep he seems.

Shift sleeping has me at breaking point and I have slept propped up in bed with him on my chest more times than I should have already.

I keep getting mixed advice - either do lots of skin to skin to give him confidence he’s safe, or try to put him down lots in the day in a sleepyhead or similar to get him used to it.

Please tell me how you cracked this with your newborns and save my sanity!

Are you using the triple floppy arm check first?

Lift his arm and drop it back down. If you can do it 3 times without him waking, he's ready to be put down. When he's down, keep your hand on him for a few extra seconds, or out something slightly warm and weighted like a slightly warm (not hot) wheat pillow on him for a couple of minutes and then remove it. Those tips worked for our first born who was similar. Or just let baby sleep in a sling on you and get on with life with a sleepy baby attached.

He's 6 days old. My boy slept ON me for 2 months! Congratulations op.
Have you googled the 4th trimester? It's natural they want to just be with you/on you as that's all they know.

Thank you @Babyboomtastic - I’d never heard of the floppy arm check but will try today. And order a wheat bag!

I love contact naps in the day time and our sling - although thanks to toddler being in nursery this week my main agenda is working through Game of Thrones and laundry! It’s just at night that scares me. We had 3 blissful hours sleep two nights ago but I woke with huge anxiety and guilt that something could have happened to him 🥺

Sorry, same as PP... I had this til around 9 weeks. It was always a horrible dilemma of spends aaaages trying to get him to sleep in cot, and we might get an hour, or give in and have him on my chest, doing shifts with DH. It was really tough and it was only time which solved it I'm afraid. Hopefully you'll get there sooner

@Horehound - 2 months! God. You hero. I’m not sure my anxiety can survive that long. I just want him to be safe, but no one can survive on an hour a night indefinitely and I want to be able to be a good mum to my toddler too.

Do you have a partner? Will baby sleep on them? Take turns.

I think it is entirely normal for a newborn, and likely to carry on for a few weeks yet.

What I've done with DD, I slept with a light blanket when I was pregnant. Was too hot for the duvet. Didn't wash it for a week, used this tucked in tight around the mattress (like a second sheet). I always put baby on that to sleep at night. She's 2 weeks today. Left it a week before washing it, could be luck, but she's been a good sleeper, didn't want to risk washing it any sooner . I've also been feeding laying on my side in the night.

@Seeline I do, and he’s been great. He takes him for a couple of hours in the evening (if he settles) so I can nap, then takes him again at 4am or so. It’s that bit in the middle when he’s cluster feeding and unsettled that I struggle with. He seems to settle around 3am and I struggle not to drift off. I was tempted to sit on the sofa last night with the tv on but I know sofas are even more risky so figure at least in bed I can be careful with positioning

I know what you mean, I remember waking up in panics but he was always ok.
I propped myself up a bit with a v shaped pillow with an ark of each pillow on the outside of me so I could not roll. I also had a next2me cot right beside me so the baby would never have fallen to the ground if he ever did manage to roll off me. (He didn't he just stayed out sleeping on me!) Sometimes I managed to shuffle him into the next2me but not always!

Arm*

@Paris2019 9 weeks 😩 I’m glad you’re out the other side. Did you take any precautions to make it as safe as possible? At the moment I’m feeding lying down to encourage him to cosleep with me but he never settles and gets quite upset. Then if I shift and I think there’s a risk I’ll fall asleep feeding I sit up propped up on pillows and wedge my maternity pillow under my arms, then sleep with him on my bear chest and have a dressing gown on my arms so I don’t get too cold. I have no idea if this is safer but it feels a bit better.

Also worth remembering when doing the floppy arm/attempting put down is that their sleep cycles are about 40 mins (it varies a bit, my eldest was precisely 37 minutes!) so try to put them down about half way through when they are likely to be in their deepest sleep. Waiting 40 mins is likely to fail far more than just 20 minutes, for example.

Oh, and their startle reflex might wake them in put down, so it might be worth persevering with the swaddle, or holding their arms briefly as you put them down, to stop that waking them. And lots of pink noise (like white noise but nicer).

Also op I'm remembering my son has reflux so I think that also made it drag on. He slept better upright. Could be something to keep in mind

TBH I did exactly as you're doing... when he finished feeding I had him on my bare chest, no fabrics near him. I was propped up with pillows either side of me, and next-to-me crib next to us so he couldn't fall out. Of course no one will ever say it's safe to sleep like that, and i tried to avoid it and stay awake as long as possible each night, but when you're so sleep deprived it's v difficult.

You just have to do what you can to get through it. Hope it improves for you soon!!

I feel you, DS was exactly the same. What helped for us was a Love to Dream swaddle bag. We realised that his startle reflex was waking him up whenever we were trying to move him.

That & white noise playlists on Spotify helped for a number of weeks, although he’s now hit the four month sleep regression a few weeks early!

He might be a bit coliicky/reflux or have trapped gas and being flat on his back is painful for him. My 3 week old will kick off if she's put down but has trapped wind so I have to pick her back up until it comes out haha. Is his tummy rock solid or is he quite good at burping/farting? Having our crib with the head higher has helped. You could also try sleeping with his sheet or blanket so it smells like you! Good luck 🧡