Dealing with sahm judgement

[girlmama32]

From friends and family. How do you deal with it?
I'm a sahm to an 18 month old, we decided I would stay home with her until she goes to nursery as my full wage from previous job would be going on childcare if she went to nursery. I'm a qualified nursery nurse so we decided she would just stay at home with me instead of paying someone else. Thankfully we can rely on my husbands income to live on.
Family members and friends have been told our reasons multiple times but we still get comments and questions from a few of them and I'm sick of feeling like I have to justify myself and our situation all the time.
It's usually things like "don't you want to get back to work?" "Are you ever going back to work?" "So and so has just got a job doing this, her wee one has just turned one" "aren't you bored at home all the time"
I would usually just ignore it and move on but it's becoming more and more the older our lo is getting and it's extremely annoying. I really don't understand why there is such thing around stay at home parents, it's nobody else's business.

I would just be smug and say I’m lucky I don’t necessarily have to go back to work, I’m enjoying bringing my daughter up. It’s none of their business.

@girlmama32

From friends and family. How do you deal with it? I'm a sahm to an 18 month old, we decided I would stay home with her until she goes to nursery as my full wage from previous job would be going on childcare if she went to nursery. I'm a qualified nursery nurse so we decided she would just stay at home with me instead of paying someone else. Thankfully we can rely on my husbands income to live on. Family members and friends have been told our reasons multiple times but we still get comments and questions from a few of them and I'm sick of feeling like I have to justify myself and our situation all the time. It's usually things like "don't you want to get back to work?" "Are you ever going back to work?" "So and so has just got a job doing this, her wee one has just turned one" "aren't you bored at home all the time" I would usually just ignore it and move on but it's becoming more and more the older our lo is getting and it's extremely annoying. I really don't understand why there is such thing around stay at home parents, it's nobody else's business.

I have to say that nobody ever said this to me.

Is this people you know well and see regularly asking the same thing repeatedly? If so, I would look confused at them and say, ‘you’ve already asked me this-don’t you remember?!’ Remind them that you have already explained to them that you were intending to do xyz. If they do it again I’d say to them I was worried about the fact that they were forgetting things!!

If it’s new people you’re meeting that are asking you-they are probably just making conversation. I’d just say-‘well, I’m a nursery nurse so it makes sense for me to stay at home with her till she starts pre school’ and then change the subject.

I really regret not giving a sod what people thought or said when I decided I wasn't going back to work while my children were wee.

I've realised that most people feel that other people choosing different paths is a judgement on their own decisions. I suppose I'm guilty of it too. Just avoid comparisons and plough your own furrow.

My children are older now, and I think the majority of mothers where I live are at home. But regardless, it seems to matter so much less once you are past the first baby years.

I really don't understand why your husband wasn't going to contribute to childcare costs at all. Sounds shit. Is he paying into your pension while you're not working?

How have you decided those people are judging rather than just concerned for you? None of your examples sounds judgemental to me.

It's annoying when it comes from people you know but just try a set phrase every time like, 'This works for us' or I'm happy with my decision' etc and then change the subject.
A lot of what people do/say is projection.

I would just say to them that you would rather bring up your own child than to pay someone else to bring yours up while you spend the day with other people's children.

Or just say 'I'm getting a bit bored of the questioning'

Easier said than done.

@user113424742258631134

I really don't understand why your husband wasn't going to contribute to childcare costs at all. Sounds shit. Is he paying into your pension while you're not working?

How have you decided those people are judging rather than just concerned for you? None of your examples sounds judgemental to me.

Either way it would have worked out equivalent to almost my full wage, I'm not saying he wouldn't have contributed just that his wage covers our bills and living costs so for me to go back to work would have been pointless. Yes he pays pension contributions, I have a private pension also.

It's mainly my SIL and my best friend who has a DC the same age as mine, she chose to go back full time early on, it's kind of like well I did it so why aren't you you kind of thing. A few comments from extended family also.
I've never looked at it like they could be concerned, it's never really came across that way how they have said it.
I think I will just start changing the subject from now on.

I get this all the time and "what do you actually do all day". It used to really wind me up and make me feel worthless. Over time I've learnt to ignore. Come up with a couple of short smart answers designed to put an end to the conversation.

I know the feeling OP. I get it too. Genuinely don't see the point in paying for someone else to look after my child if the money I earn only covers that childcare! May as well spend time with my child!!

Just ignore them, each family does what works for them.

I've been a sahm for over a decade now, my husband is military so it works best for us all round as a large family of soon to be 8. I've never had any judgement from family or friends on our choices but we wouldn't care if they did anyway. I only worked part time when we had 1 child and made redundant when pregnant with the 2nd, childcare is so expensive and we don't see the point paying when it's more cost effective for me to be home. The paying for childcare if they are there or not is crap too.

I know many people who would love to be sahp's but can't afford not to work.