Play dates in homes

[onlyconnect]

Forgetting Covid restrictions, I'd like to ask a question to parents whose children go on play dates in other children's homes but who don't often invite other children to their homes.

Why is this?

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind at all. I have found with both my children that we have other children to play in our house a lot whereas lots of other parents ( and actually in my experience I'd say most), don't seem to want to have children round to play much. I'm genuinely curious as to why this is. Obviously I can see that in some cases there are particular reasons but when there aren't....... I don't find it any trouble, it creates about 5 minutes tidying up after but I don't f have to closely supervise so it still gives me a bit of time off.
I'd really like to know.

I don't know either. It's always our house! We do have a fairly big garden though so I guess it's just easier.

I'm embarrassed of my house so I tend not to invite people over. Instead I take the children to places like trampolining or for tea.

I invite kids round so my son has someone to play with after school as he has no siblings close in age, maybe others don't feel the need as their kids are playing happily with each other.

I would always invite children back to ours after mine have been invited to theirs, I think it’s a nice thing to do. It is a lot of pressure though in the couple of times I’ve done it when it was briefly allowed last year. They’re 5/6 year olds and I had visions of the children just going off an playing but in reality I find other people’s children need so much entertaining! They kept coming up to me expectantly asking what they could do. Playing with my DD and her toys didn’t seem a satisfactory suggestion so I end3d up getting paints, crafts etc out and doing little party games. It was exhausting, I was so glad when they finally left. I’m hoping it gets easier, otherwise I can imag8ne why people are less than pleased to host these things! My DD wen

Sorry hit send too soon and lots of typos there. Was going to add my DD went to play at a friends house and came back with loads of amazing crafts they’d made and a party bag with loads of sweets. Is this what it’s like? I’m dreading playdates being allowed again to be honest! Too much pressure. Whatever happened to just going off and playing together in their bedroom? I don’t remember bugging my friends parents for activities when I went to play at friends houses.

I do tend to reciprocate at times but if I haven't it's for the following reasons...

• really busy and don't finish work at a time reasonable for a play date

• my child doesn't play with your child at all in school and it seems odd

• I'm shy and you're with the Queen bee group of Mums all the time

• your child isn't nice

• my child has asked me not to

• our after school commitments make it difficult

• I'm shy and awkward

• I keep meaning to ask but time goes by and then it's awkward

• general awkwardness

• you were rude to me at a PTA fundraiser

• your kid is mean to my kid

• your kid was rude to me

I be think I've had most of those but generally if I'm honest, I'm either just to busy or I forget!

I have three DC, and I've noticed that I used to be much better at organising play dates for my eldest DC than I am now for my youngest.

It's not deliberate, it's mainly because my evenings are so busy - my DC do lots of after school sports clubs, so I do a lot of driving around to get them all to training and matches on time. So it's much harder than it used to be when my eldest DC first started primary and they were too little for that kind of thing.

Also, to be honest with you, it's hard to keep enthusiastically organising play dates for years on end! I can't wait until my DC are all at secondary school (two of them already are) and they sort their social lives out for themselves!

Tianatiers goodness me that does sound like hard work. I put almost no work in when kids are at my house. I make a drink if they're here for a couple of hours but that's about it. Certainly no fancy crafts that need to involve me.

Pumpkinpie01 I'm in the same boat as you in that there's a big age gap so my kids haven't had anyone to play with unless I set something up. I think that probably explains quite a bit of it. The incentive is high for me where for other parents with kids closer in age it requires effort. For me it reduces the effort I have to put in.

Gingerbiscuit19 I know a couple of people who I suspect don't want others to see their house. I would really never judge anyone's house!

Honestly I don't invite people over because I work full time. By the time I am home, have collected her from childcare the last thing I want is to deal with is someone else's kids.

Likewise weekends are busy for me, I am catching up on chores and food shopping etc.

But then dd is never invited anywhere else either so I don't have to reciprocate offers

We have loads of play dates (when allowed) DD1s best friends mum is a single parent and an A&E doctor so she doesn't reciprocate many ply dates due to shift pattern etc. But in the school holidays she takes DD1 and DD2 on fab days out and then for a sleep over so we seem to have fallen into that arrangement which works well for all of us.

I wouldn’t personally have a problem having people over, but Dh works from hone and I remember when I was a child several friends either had parents working from home or on night shift so sleeping and they weren’t allowed play dates as often

Because I live 4 miles outside the closest village which is where the primary school is. I don't have room for an additional child in the car for after school playdates so their parents would have to make an specific trip to drop them off.

The other way round my DC can walk home from school with whoever has invited them for the play date and I'm happy to pick them up later.

They have friends at school whose parents I'm also friendly with outside of school friendships and they get invited as planned arrangements in the holidays etc.

I've not come across this so much yet, ds is nearly 3 (appreciate lockdown has limited experience).

I'm a bit opposite as whilst ds is little it's not such a big deal going to other houses (in fact less tidying for.me!) but when he's old enough to go by himself, I would generally prefer play dates at my house. Growing up my parents house was always the house friends came to.

Occupational hazard of my job means I'm a bit hyper aware of potential safeguarding risks (not necessarily nefarious, but boundaries etc as well) and until I know someone well I don't know how comfortable I would be. Obviously other parents might feel the same about me and I'll have to find a way to feel happy and not impact on ds socialisation.

I'm a teacher. I don't particularly want to spend my spare time hanging out with other people's children, after having done it all day and other people's kids always seemed so bloody needy when they came to play. It is not a phase I miss in the slightest.

@onlyconnect

Tianatiers goodness me that does sound like hard work. I put almost no work in when kids are at my house. I make a drink if they're here for a couple of hours but that's about it. Certainly no fancy crafts that need to involve me.

It really put me off, but I'm hoping it gets easier as they get older.

I would usually end up with a houseful of kids most weekends. However there were a couple of kids who were really, really hard work (one regularly broke things, the other usually manufactured significant drama) and so they just tended to get invited less than the other kids because they were so much hard work.

We would still invite them sometimes, but only when I had the mental and physical energy.

I work late most evenings and if I do have a rare evening off I don't want someone else's child at my house.

We've not had much of kids at our house as its quite small, but also we've always, always been incredibly busy. So of course my kids can go round to friends if they're invited, but when myself and partner are home, one or both of us are usually working, or another child needs to be somewhere, or we are just generally busy and can't really have extra children over. Sometimes we even just want to chill out and spend time as a family