Being a parent with social anxiety

[chillichutneysarnie]

Hi all
I'm not a parent yet, but trying to conceive (may not ever happen at this rate but that's a different conversation altogether!).
I've had social anxiety since I was a teen and I'm 34 now, it still affects aspects of my life. I can do small talk etc and function quite normally, but I've never been the type to enjoy company, I find it exhausting and can never relax until I'm at home with just my husband and cats.
I think I'd assumed that as soon as I have kids it'll change me, I'll meet loads of people and make more friends and have play dates etc... But having a good old think about it this morn

Ok I didn't mean to hit create and now I can't delete! I'll just carry on...
Having a good old think about it this morning, I suddenly realised it probably won't change me and may likely make things worse. My colleague is always talking about the mums she doesn't like on the school run. Would I really suddenly start inviting people round my house and being a social butterfly? Probably not.
Has anyone got and experience of this? I wouldn't want to let my kids down and now I'm questioning everything!

It’s something you need to resolve before having children imo. It won’t automatically happen.

I have social anxiety and it was pretty bad until I had my baby. She’s 1 next week and I’d say whilst I still do have social anxiety, it’s not AS bad as it was. I do feel slightly more confident going out because I’m always with someone, even though she’s just a baby and can’t talk, it does help me somewhat.

But everyone is different.

I have dealt with a level of social anxiety over the years but when I was pregnant I forced myself to go to a prenatal group and even though group speaking wasn’t really my comfort zone, I’m glad I went because I made some good friends there who i socialise with now we have children. Also, once you have a baby, the reality is that life is often very boring, repetitive and lonely and I was practically racing out the door to get to baby groups on Mat leave where I could just have a chat to another adult - it really helped me get over myself. Chatting is so much easier when you have the common ground of having children. I am proud of how I’ve managed.

Whilst your anxiety will not directly affect your child and their happiness, it is likely to have some impact on their friendships. I would consider what you would be comfortable with, and go from there. So if meeting outside is easier at play groups you can organise to meet play mates for your child there. In terms of play dates you can still do them, but in a way that is least stressful for you. I should think you will need to just get by, and don't book too much. Give yourself plenty of breaks in between meets.

I don't have social anxiety, but I do find some interactions more exhausting than others. Perhaps choose the more gentle friends and groups. Baby massage was lovely, baby yoga and arts and crafts are not demanding at all.

Taking a baby anywhere is a huge distraction. You will be too busy settling them in, feeding and caring to really think about it for the first six months!

I'm going through this now with my 5 m/o DS so your post really resonated with me. I have always suffered from a degree of social anxiety and don't want it to affect DS, and I'm feeling the pressure now to start socialising with other mums. I had lunch last week with some other mums and found it really hard. I'm much better in one-on-one situations so I'm just going to try and arrange social situations like that which suit me better. I think baby classes will be ok cos they're focused on the activity rather than the social interaction...

But thinking ahead the idea of being in a whole new mummy social circle is quite scary to me and I know I'll have to work hard to not let it affect DS.

Thanks everyone for your replies 🙂