Urgent help re screen time limiting please

[TastyMcNameChange]

My kids are addicted to screens. I’ve imposed screen off time from 2-5 at weekends.

My 13yo becomes very angry about this (however he accepts it at his dads house). He tries to bargain and disagree with the rule. I had to forcibly snatch his laptop off him today. I tried him managing his own screen time last weekend but it resulted in him having only one hour off the screen all day.

Right now he’s barricaded himself in his room by moving a chest of drawers across the door. I’m trying to ignore him but can’t have him moving furniture so have shouted he needs to move it. I imagine he’s done other forms of destruction in there. I’ve said he can go out with friends. I can’t take them out as my youngest is isolating.

Am I approaching this the right way?

(I’m going to repost in chat for traffic)

I wouldn’t be letting him have the devices at all if he was barricading himself in his room and generally behaving really badly.
You’ve only let him have three hours on devices or he’s allowed on it all the time apart from those three hours? If it’s the latter then that’s a hell of a lot.

Turn off the WiFi

The latter. I know it’s a hell of a lot which is why I’m trying to change it.

Firstly that sort of behaviour is not to be tolerated. When all is calm explain there will be NO screens of any sort for the foreseeable future.

Start again from scratch. Work out a schedule of when screens are allowed, write it down. Ensure they are aware screen time is a PRIVILEGE not a right.
For example: (what we do)
1 to 1.5 hours of screen time a night.
Create a NO screen time day, kids really settle into other activities if they know there is absolutely no chance of screen time on a Monday for example.
Weekends - Continue the 1 to 1.5 hour rule but say it can be increased if it suits you and they are well behaved.
Make screen time something to work towards.
What set chores and responsibilities do your children have? Do they do their homework?
Good luck, be firm

Also I only allow gaming one eve in the week and one eve at the weekend as it is so addictive to my son

And if he continues to be angry continue the screen ban and ignore his behaviour until he calms down. It may take a while for him to understand you are the boss, you set the rules.

You won’t change it by letting him play for 21 hours a day. Decide what’s acceptable. If he abides by that then great. If not then he loses days of playing at a time.

Dont engage in arguments about this, you are the adult, you set the rules. You should be able to set timers on his devices.

What are you doing with him instead? I personally don't think screen time in itself is the problem. The issue is if he has nothing else in his life apart from gaming.

I would concentrate on building structure away from the screen whether that's walks, cooking, DIY, trips out or family board games.

Thank you all

I have set timers previously, he finds ways around them

I will rethink all this later thanks. Just annoying that he accepts it at his dad no questions.

The screen time absolutely is the issue. He’s on for 12 hours a day. He has plenty of good alternatives and I’m always offering to do things with him he likes. Nothing is ever as good as the gaming. It’s designed to be addictive.

@deplorabelle I agree with what you are saying completely, guidance has to be laid down though first so the child/children understand there is NOT the option of gaming, then they will focus on other activities. I do worry about the impact of the endless amount of time some children are spending on screens and not on other activities

Agree with all above but talk to him about it, give him the 'we're a bit stuck because we want to give you freedom but we know how difficult it is not to stay on.' And best of luck, because we're going through the same thing and it is hard because you want to give them space, but at the same time screens do affect them, our ds is a million times more present and nicer to be around on days there's no screens involved

I'd make this black and white. 3 hours per day offline (sat and sun) or complete removal of all devices permanently.

Remove all devices or turn off the wifi (and cancel any data packages he might have). You need to be the parent here.

I’m sorry please I don’t wish to upset you, but allowing a child that amount of screen time is negligent. Imagine what the next generation will be like if they all grow up with only experience of gaming, and the associated anger.

Ps when he is stuck in gaming give him an allocated time he has to finished and take charge and drag him out for a board game or film. We recently bought a foosball table and it's definitely helped here

Leave him in his room as he is.

I would remove all devices. Phone laptop, games consoles.

I have a 14 year old. I did yjis at 13 .. it took a week before he broke and realisedhow bad it was.

I think..then coming up with a plan together but hopefully get Dad on board too with the plan though tgat can be more complicated

He gets round it because he can and there are no consequences to him doing so.

I have found that small consistent consequences are very effective.

Me: there will be no screen time until 5pm
Him: 🤯
Me: ok a quarter past five
Him: 🤬
Me: half five then. The answer is “yes mum”
Him; mumble mumble

But I think you’ve set the bar too low. 2 hours of screen time a day would be my starting point. Cheat and you miss out on the same amount of time next day. More screen time can be earned.

Since he’s behaving so deplorably it’s actually a golden opportunity to say you’ve had a rethink, done some research and now the rule is 2 hours per day. Which, by the way, won’t begin until he starts behaving himself.

It’s tough to start with but if you stick it out, and stay consistent, he will come around.

And because he has the opportunity to earn more time, it’s not really that mean. But earning screen time really disrupts the entitlement.