9 week old sleep problem which goes on forever

[Eri21]

I think I need some advice otherwise I’m going crazy already. But I’m afraid I created this mess myself from the begging.
My 9-almost 10 week old-has some sleeping issues. Since we brought him home he’s been a terrible sleeper. He hates his Moses basket and he hates his next2me cot. He doesn’t really like a dummy and wouldn’t even close one eye in the pushchair.We tried to make the bed ascosy and warm as possible but he just wouldn’t go down. He would only sleep in my arms.
And I think it’s all my fault. Since we brought him home and realised that this fella is not the easy one, me and my partner decided to sleep separate - I would hold him all night and let him sleep in my arms and then on the daytime we switch, then at least both of us got some kind of a decent sleep otherwise we all gonna be up all night. And it goes on and on and on...
And now I’m on my last nerves I think. If before that he would eat-sleep-eat-sleep then now obviously he’s a bit bigger and can stay awake a bit longer, now add to the everything, he can’t go down for a nap. Most what he can manage is 1,5-2 hours since he last woke up - a feed, little bit of a play time and that’s it.So when it comes closer to that time he shows the tiredness cues - he starts yawning, rubbing his face, starts excessively bubbling and cooing but there is no way I can settle him, it takes me forever to walk around the house with him until he can settle and when I tried a few times to put him down in his bed for a sleep ( drowsy, full asleep,all stages ), he manages 2 minutes and then his eyes fly open and he’s like fully awake and then again I have to circle around the house for half an hour to get him sleepy. Once I get him sleep in my arms he’s totally fine. I can’t get anything done around the house, once I put him down he starts behaving and if you don’t pay attention,he will start shouting. I tried lying down with him, touching him, talking gently etc. Nothing. I managed to do a co-sleeping in our bed a few times,that worked but not always.
I don’t know what else to do. My partner said to put him on his bed all the time and make him sleep but he’s going nuts in there - arms and legs everywhere,eyes open, like fully awake, and if I leave him there he will start shouting soon and not gonna sleep at all so that means more job circling around the house.
Last week he managed to stay up for 5 hours because he was so excited I couldn’t put him down no matter what, and then when I finally did, I had to stay glued on the sofa as all day every day.

Last few days when I try to put him I just put my headphones in and walk around the house so I just don’t have to listen to him anymore and answer to his cooing and talking. And some days I just wanna throw him in his bed and leave it there - but I know he will get more energetic in there and not gonna sleep for hours unless I pick him up.
Generally he is very active, very cute baby boy and I love him to bits but this thing is driving me crazy, seriously. I can’t even see the end of it, I can’t see that he will grow out of this. I cried so many times looking at the videos where you just put a baby to the bed, give him dummy and they drift off peacefully. Well basically I cry every day because of this anyways.
Any ideas or advice would be much appreciated.

Stop looking at videos were babies go straight to sleep, that's not going to help.

I think you need to keep your expectations really low as to what baby can manage and what realistically you can get done. A couple of things jumped out at me:
Safe sleeping at night - even if you're cosleeping there's a safer way to do it. It's not clear if you are following the guidelines and I'll urge to check lullaby trust for advice. It's mega easy to nod off holding baby (I've done it myself, more than once).
Don't wait for the cooing to start- ideally you want to get them ready for sleep as soon as you want to see the first sleep cue.
Can you get out with them? Pop them in the buggy or sling and just walk, much more enjoyable that walking round the house looking at all the housework that's not getting done. I try to time it so baby is ready for a nap, hood up on pram, whack a podcast on and just walk for an hour.

When his eyes fly open in his cot, what do you do? It's very common for babies to do this. It's their startle reflex. When mine did this, I wouldn't pick them up but rest my hand on them gently patting and sushing. But for the love of God don't make eye contact. It tools a few weeks but it helped. Then they got bigger and we had to do gradual withdrawal but that's a story for another day!

Does DH put ds down at nights at all?

And I have only known of one baby ever who wld be put down and go straight to sleep!

I don’t think you’ve created the problem. You did what you did as your baby wasn’t one of those babies who sleeps easily. Happens to more people than you are probably imaging. I fed DS to sleep for months. Safe cosleeping is your friend here.

He just sounds like a baby. It’s all pretty standard but exhausting.

If I put him down in his cot at daytime usually he’s up within minutes. Eyes fully open, legs and arms all over the place. I try to ignore him,I try to shush him, gently touch etc. Nothing. He doesn’t settle back no matter how long I wait. So if I keep ignoring his movements after a while he will start crying and shouting. And the circle starts again - he is too hyped up to settle so he will start behave and me just keep circling around the house for hours.
And he doesn’t sleep in the pushchair too. If I feed him and wanna go out I have to be quick and close to home - so when his sleep time comes he will start behave a little and then scream at the end until I pick him up and carry him. So I can’t even enjoy going out with him.
I’m thinking about getting a sling or a baby carrier because he just likes to be glued to me 24/7
P.S. Of course all the co sleeping is done within safe sleeping guidelines if I didn’t mention. Even now I finally managed to put him down after 3 hours of fussiness and he’s happily sleeping next to me in our bed.

Your baby is 9 weeks old. Stop googling babies and start googling the 4th trimester. And look at

www.basisonline.org.uk/

For objective information about what is normal for baby sleep.

It is exhausting. Completely. But they will sleep more and your body gets used to sleeping less and it will all be fine in the end

And it is nothing, Nothing I tell you, that you have or haven’t done.

This is completely normal, please google 4th trimester, its really normal.

Also you say his arms and legs are all over the place have you tried swaddling?

Also definitely look at the safe sleep guidelines.

It will get better xx

A sling sounds like an excellent idea.

I had three of these
They all actually had reflux.
I spent a lot of money on slings for baby 2 and 3. Walked miles with the oldest sat up in the pushchair (before I found out about slings for baby 2 and 3).
I drove myself bonkers comparing my babies to other people's babies.
Some babies are just 'high needs'. You aren't doing anything wrong by giving your baby cuddles and responding to their cues.

videos where you just put a baby to the bed, give him dummy and they drift off peacefully

Haha what a load of shit, does your food look like the advert too? Does that dress look as good on you as on the model? Do all babies look as happy as the ones on huggies wipes?!

It’s not you, you’re doing great, please don’t look at those videos it’s not real life same with social media. If you see a cute lil baby in a cot/asleep you don’t know that the baby is actually asleep I mean they could have blinked.

Anyway; he’s spent 9months with you wrapped around him, he literally knows no different. Over time he will become more independent but right now he’s incapable of doing anything for himself so needs you, that’s why any sense that they’re alone and they kick off. It’s Mother Nature making sure we keep them alive.

I’d second what PPs suggested, get a comfy sling and sit on the sofa and get into a good series. Or in the garden and read a book. What ever you want to do to chill out just do that.

100% you need a sling. Go on fb and search for some babywearing and sling library groups in your area. They'll sort you out with advice and decent 4th trimester style slings (not big structured baby bjorn type ones)

Ok thank you so much for the advice everyone I know about the 4th trimester and I’m the only one who he knows in this world but it’s so damn hard to remember that when you are on the edge already. And the most frustrating thing is - whatever you complain about and you think you are officially the worlds most horrible mother, the answer to all your complaints are usually the same - oh that’s normal! And you just sit there thinking how the hell is this normal

DS only napped in the sling till six months and naps were 30 min maximum. He started napping longer in sling at six months and then we transitioned to putting him in cot when asleep and eventually he started napping in cot around 7-8 months. He has always needed less sleep than some other babies.

Will he be swaddled?

you just sit there thinking how the hell is this normal

Because it wasn’t always like this; when women traditionally stayed at home that meant neighbours/family/friends all there to help even for a chat.

We don’t have that anymore, rarely if at all.

You’re on your own a lot more than we are designed to be as community creatures.

Be kind to yourself and make sure you get a break when DP is awake.