8 year old has no friends at school what do I do?

[Sunshine1212]

Hi all, I would like some advice from anyone who may have experienced the same or similar situation and would like to know what you done to help make things better. So my son is 8 and he is very intelligent (the most intelligent boy in his year) he enjoys going to school to learn and takes his education really seriously and always has done which I’m really proud of but a few months ago he was having problems with a pair of boys who would say really horrible things to him, talk over him and became physical busted his lip and beat him up (he came home with bruises all over his body) I always tell him to hit back but he is afraid to get in trouble. He is by no means small or fragile he is of average build, height and loves play fighting (quite rough). There were several incidents with the same boys so I hit the roof and explained to the school that this was bullying and I’m not prepared to allow this to continue. They are now not allowed to go near each other and are on separate sides of the playground however, my son explained that this doesn’t help as now he can’t join in with games and most of the children in his class play with the two boys that were bullying him because they’re scared of them. The school have admitted that the two boys are a problem to control however al they do is take mins off their lunch. My son does not want to go to school now as he says play and lunch are not enjoyable for him and he often sits alone watching the other children play. I am absolutely heart broken and just don’t know what to do? Do I change his school? Do I meet again with the school( who seem pretty useless). I’m worried sick that this is affecting his confidence as he is slowly becoming less and less of himself. Please help!

I would definitely move him to another school.
My DS (7) goes to a drama school on Saturdays and they are so friendly and supportive. It has done wonders for his confidence. Even if he's not destined for a career in performing arts, they really do encourage general life skills.

i also have an 8 yo son and I'd be horrified in this situation. The school is not dealing with this correctly. Demand to see the HT and make it clear you are considering changing schools. Depending on where you are the school might really really not like this as unless there are other children waiting in the wings it will affect their funding (I think).

I wouldn't move him straight away, but I would be calling other schools to see where has spaces for his year group.

Another thought - if your DS’s school has some sort of class ranking system the other children are probably all aware of where they sit on it and may be resentful of the extra recognition your DS is getting (through absolutely no fault of his own).

My DC’s primary school used to let children in year 6 know each other’s marks in SAT preparation tests in a bid to encourage ‘friendly’ competition . Fortunately they abandoned this practice before my own DC entered year 6, but it was the cause of a lot of angst for parents with children in those classes and lots of the academically less able children became quite a handful in that year. They then switched to a system where children were competing against their own personal bests which, whilst still not ideal, worked a lot better.

I do think that moving schools would probably give the best outcome if it’s something you can consider?

no this isn't something he says to others at all

Are you sure? You aren’t at school with him. Even if he hasn’t as other have said if the class ranking is well known that could be causing issues.

Like you say he only rough play fights at home. If it’s acceptable at home how does he know it’s not acceptable at school. He’s only 8.

Ask the school why he has been excluded and not the other two boys.

Is it a private school? They’re the only schools I know that will openly rank children of this age.

Fuck the school! Get him out the poor baby. He is trying to hold it together but is traumatised. Schools don't care, they'll replace him with someone else. Make a formal complaint to the school and then ofsted. It is the school's duty yo deal with this. I may even be tempted to let the local press know.

I doubt the local press would be remotely interested, but way to invite more bullying by publishing the boy in the local rag.

Did the school really name him as the ‘most intelligent boy’ that is really strange? I wonder if some of the children are put off playing with him if he’s rough and enjoys play fighting. Maybe a fresh start would be best, it’s so sad no one wanted to go to his party but I don’t think the school are helping things by singling him out as the most intelligent

Never mind the alleged bullying, if my child was at the sort of school that sent letters home informing a parent that their child was the most intelligent in the year, and making it clear to the child themselves that was the case, I’d be out of there like a shot.

He's getting bullied because he's not hitting back, not because he's intelligent. Being intelligent will provoke jealousy but those bullies are in the wrong and need to learn to handle their emotions and the school should be educating them to do that.

Personally I think intelligence should be celebrated. I hate it when people dumb themselves down. It's people-pleasing. Don't teach him to people-please and conform. At some stage he'll be offered all sorts of things he shouldn't, better he's his own man and can say no.

Ask the school to drop the playground divide. Get him enrolled in self-defence classes.

You may want to get to know some other parents at the school to encourage a bond between the kids.