5 year old struggles to mix

[Beansprout30]

I was painfully shy as a child and my lovely dd is going the same way. When I drop her off at school as the other children are running around playing but dd just looks and hopes someone will call her over.

I’ve suggested she goes over and just says hello to one of two or them or join onto their games but wont. We did a park meet up in the holidays and she played on her own, the one time she did try and join in, the others ran off. I took her to a dance class last week where a couple of girls from her class go and she was so keen to go but when I picked her up the teacher said she wasn’t happy, didn’t want to join in and sat at the side. I feel so sad for her as I know she wants to join in but she crippled by shyness just like I used to. She’s such a sweetheart but comes across a bit grumpy, not smiley etc and I think other kids are put off. I don’t know what to do but I can’t stop worrying about her not making an friends

You need to organise a playdate with just 1 girl at your house. (if allowed with covid rules, I am not in UK, so don't know rules) and if not allowed, send her to school with cool stuff, whatever the craze is with 5 year olds, or super treats, crisps to share, even (food police look away) lollies, chocolate.
We moved a lot for my DH's job, and in every new country, this is what we did, especially when it is harder because social groups were already formed.

Thank you I will definitely try and arrange a play date

Bless her. Have you shared your concerns and asked both her school teacher and dance teacher to support her with forming friendships/encourage a friendship with a similar personality in the class? At 5 it’s quite common for some little ones to not yet have formed friendships group, so her teachers should be encouraging mixing and play opportunities.

*friendship groups

I was just logging on to start a thread on the same topic and I found yours.

My five year old DD is also very very shy. She can often appear rude as strangers will ask her a genuinely nice question e.g. ‘did you have a nice day at school’ and she just stares back, frozen. She will take part in dance classes etc, but never speaks and always just does the activity independently. She is luckily happy at school and has friends.

I am a chatty, bubbly confident person and have felt at a loss as to how to manage this. I tried pushing her into social situations, bribery etc, all were fails.

I would love to hear from anyone who was shy or quiet as a child, to hear what helped you. I do not want to change her, nor do I see ‘shyness etc.’’ as a negative personality attribute. However at times it stops her doing something she genuinely wants to do e.g. on a play date she will really want to play with a toy but too crippled by shyness to ask to play.

Thanks for any advice

@brownBirdsFly this is exactly what upsets me, that my dd is missing out because of her shyness, and like your dd, comes across rude and sometimes naughty because she sometimes ‘kicks off’ with frustration or she will pick on her little sister, I think as a way to try and catch the attention of other kids.

She’s also developed a bit of a twitch, she’s always had little quirks but this has become quite apparent in the last few weeks. She absolutely loves school and at our last parents evening call her teacher said she had no concerns. Shyness held me back so much when I was a child and I really don’t want it to happen to my dd.

Lockdown has not helped at all and it’s like she’s having to start to build her confidence again around other children.

Thank you all for your replies