Help-2 month old won't sleep unless held

[Bubbaboy]

Hello mumsnetters! My two month old won't sleep unless held. I think perhaps I led myself into this situation by holding him so much initially and letting him sleep on me all day due to his bad reflux as he hates going on his back and was in discomfort. Now his reflux is easing but he still will not sleep in his basket during the day or his snuzpod in the night. During the day I don't mind him being on me, but it does mean I can't do anything really without holding him, can't even put him down to get a drink without him screaming!! but during the night it is especially exhausting as he wakes and cries as soon as you put him in his snuzpod. I am getting no sleep at all at night and haven't for weeks, I'm struggling now with this. The snuzpod is right next to our bed with the side down, so I stroke him, have myself right next to him to try and calm him to sleep, we have white noise (Ewan the sheep), but he won't settle until I pick him up. Anyone with any tips or advice please?!

Hun this is SO normal. Google 4th trimester. My DD was the same but started getting more independent and easier to put down around the 6 month mark. Babies are hard wired to want to sleep on mum, some people have super chilled babies who sleep anywhere and everywhere and these stories can make you feel like you’ve done something wrong with your baby. You haven’t. You cannot spoil a baby with love and affection, you can’t hold them too much. These are all outdated ideologies that prevent proper mother and baby bonding. Baby SHOULD be attached to you at this age and while is it very tiring now, it does get easier as they become more independent. Me and my husband used to sleep in shifts, he would sleep with her on him for a few hours and then I would. Is this possible? Trying to get your baby to sleep by themselves is only going to upset you and your baby. Researching 4th trimester helped me feel (somewhat) less frustrated during those long sleepless nights x x

I agree with @MillieC0102 it’s really normal. I used to go to bed stupidly early (like 6.30/7 straight after dinner) and get a few hours sleep whilst my DH had the baby. He’d bring her up to feed (BF) and then hand her over properly when he went to bed. He’d also take her in the morning for an hour or two before he went to work. That way he had a decent block of sleep to be able to function at work and I’d get enough sleep to not go completely mad.

@MillieC0102 @SamanthaVimes thanks for your replies. Husband does have him an hour or so in the evening x d maybe an hour in the morning. Just doesn't feel like enough to get decent rest in! I've checked out the fourth trimester thanks for that. Hopefully this will pass soon!!

My DS is 4 months now and was exactly the same at night for the first 2 months. We coped by doing shifts as PP mention - your husband needs to so more if you are exhausted.

Now he's a bit older he's much better at night - he'll sleep in his snuzpod until he stirs to feed. he's a bit more unsettled by about 5 so I tend to end the nights with him in bed with me after DH has got up for work or with one of us holding him. He still only naps on me or in the sling - if I can get him to sleep in the sling I crack on with stuff, but increasingly he's actually too nosy for this so his naps are on me. I just make sure I have my phone/kindle/a drink when I take him off to feed/nap and abandon getting anything else done other than the absolute non-negotiables (eating my lunch etc). Obviously I appreciate this doesn't work when you have other children. DH the takes the baby off me when he gets home for playing/bathtime etc whilst I do a nip round tidy so I have a bit of time to regroup (I like tidying!) Things will get easier for you, and in the meantime be very honest with your DH about how tired you are and tell him you need more help. Even if you're breastfeeding, he can still hold your baby between feeds whilst you sleep.

I agree that its very normal but have you tried putting him in the basket at night? My dd has silent reflux and we found that she sleeps better in the moses basket. When I put her in the snuzpod the firm mattress makes her wake with gas pains or she moves around constantly half asleep trying to get gas out. The gas can trigger the reflux. It doesn't always wake her but she wakes me up. I've just ordered a replacement mattress for the snuzpod because she's almost bursting out of the basket. Just a thought, might be worth experimenting?

Just to add that my baby wont sleep anywhere but on me during the day which is why I suggest trying the basket at night even if your baby won't sleep in it during the day.

Have you tried a sling for daytime? Baby is still "on you" all cosied up but you have hands free and can walk about, get food, do chores, even go out for walks. I'm fortunate most days my LO naps in the sling for a few hours. Otherwise naps are on me, with short naps in the pram sometimes.

@TiriCallie he has silent reflux too and does spend all night moving around! I haven't tried his basket for a while as it's a carrycot that's only approved for occasional overnight sleeping. I did think the snuzpod mattress was well hard too!! What mattress have you gone for?

@Skyla01 I've tried a couple of slings but I've found them really hard to get on and secure! I've got a new one now that's a bit easier to do so just need to try that. I think he would be ok in a sling if I can master them lol

@Bubbaboy I just wrote you a response and managed to close the tab by accident (face palm). Right, I'll try again - babymattressesonline.co.uk/ is where I bought from. Custom made so hasnt arrived yet but recommended to me by my sister. They do different types but I bought foam as I thought it might be similar to the moses basket mattress. They meet UK safety standards.

I also put a towel under the mattress where her head is. Not sure if you've tried that? I fold a hand towel. I was very scared to do this at first because my dd was less than 5lbs when born but the HV suggested I try it so I did once she was 8 weeksi-sh and significantly bigger. It definitely helped.

@Bubbaboy I would definitely persevere. YouTube has good videos of how to use them. Not all babies like them but I find mine so useful.

@TiriCallie no haven't tried that! My baby was less than 5lb too due to being a month premature they suggested putting the anti reflux tilt on the pod which I have done. Don't seem to have made much difference to be honest!!

@Bubbaboy My snuzpod doesn't have that feature because it's the original version that my friend had in her garage for the last 5 years and gave me - hence my makeshift tilt!

My 4.5 month old was the same... would only sleep on my chest at night. It was awful surviving on a couple of hours sleep at the start of the night and in the morning when DH had him downstairs. We would keep trying him in the snuzpod at night to no avail. Then at around 10 weeks we turned a corner and he started initially sleeping for 2 hour stints at the start of the night in the snuzpod, which gradually increased to more and longer stretches. We suspected he had silent reflux, and I think he just grew out of it as his digestive system matured.

In those first couple of months I used to get upset when people kept telling me it would get better cos I'd just think "when?!" but it did, and it will for you too, even though it may not feel like it now! You just have to do whatever you can to ride this period out.

My DS still naps a lot in the sling during the day (and I have to be constantly moving!!) It's hard work now he is 18lbs but has been a godsend!!