Sick of MIL

[sharethedoughnuts]

Anyone else have an interfering MIL who thinks she knows how to raise your children better than you?

Also just announced we are pregnant and she said 'I think your mad' very nice of her.

She is a very bitter lady and I have no idea why. She has a lovely life with 3 soon to be 4 grandchildren and a husband, a happy home. I just don't get it.

She tells me I need to be more strict with DD and she shouldn't be watching so much tv etc. Which is not the case. I am a good mum.

I want to message her and say I've had enough of the interfering and I won't stand for it anymore. How can I put it so that we don't fall out.

Depends on the back story. I react in a similar way to DB and Sil but they totally neglect their kids and need a lot of support from family just for day to day life. If they had another child it’d drive me crazy as I currently do most things for their sons already.

There is no way you can put it so you don’t fall out.

She should be more tactful though. Why does she think you’re mad, is there a backstory? Does she think you’ve too much on your plate with existing kids/need a bigger house first or anything like that? Does she help towards the children/do free childcare? If so she might think it’s ok to comment on the way you parent.

Speak up OP, life's too short to allow her to criticise your decisions. 🌸

I want to message her and say I've had enough of the interfering and I won't stand for it anymore. How can I put it so that we don't fall out

Give this problem to your husband. He can manage it. You manage your side of the family.

She doesn’t care about criticising or upsetting you so I wouldn’t be too worried about upsetting or offending her.

I wouldn’t write a general message but I would deal with her comments as they come up.

It depends on what she’s picking on but “we’re happy with our choices”, “hmm, the advice is different now”, “we’re fine as we are thanks” can all come in handy.

She’s had her kids, this is yours and it’s up to you how you choose to bring her up.

Where’s your partner in this?

My step mum goes through phases of being very critical and I deal with things as they come up or if we’re on a phone call or FaceTime I just say we’ve got to go now and end the call if I can’t be arsed with the hassle. I also starting preempting things I knew she’d criticise eg every time they came round when DD was younger she’d be feeding and every time SM would walk in and “what, feeding again?!” as if I was doing it on purpose to piss her off. So when she walked in I’d straight away say “yes, she’s feeding again, it’s what small babies do” and it cut her off.

But it depends what the issues are. If she’s really horrible and only makes your life harder then just see her a lot less. Having your partner on side is essential.

Well think of it like this - your home will be way too busy and loud for her to want to visit then won't it? And dragging 4 round there is too much for you..
My ex mil wasn't happy when I had a 4th either!!

I wouldn't say anything but you are totally right to be annoyed (congrats by the way)

Pull back. Don't engage. Don't visit or return calls. Dont tell her much. Let her son deal with her.

Hope that helps

Yeah my PILs are nightmares too.

My only advice I've found useful is not to say anything, but to just remove yourself and just don't engage with them. It has made a big difference to me doing this. If I see them, I'm polite of course but I don't offer up any information about us or our lives. I keep conversations to things like the weather or their other kids/grandkids. And I keep visits as short or infrequent as possible. Covid has helped with this, not going to lie.

Don't know if your MIL would be like this but the danger of saying something, you make yourself into the bad guy and give her a chance to play the victim. I was really late to twig this about my ILs, but they love to be quite nasty to others and when those people pick them up on it, they twist it so that they are being victimised. It really is

@Aprilshowersandhail not all 4 are mine, her daughter has 2 and I'm pregnant with 2nd so all together 4.

Backstory, we have a lovely 3 bedroom house, engaged, happy, she works full time so she is not my childcare and she barely has her at weekends as I usually ask my family if needed.

I think I will deal with the comments as and when. Maybe she will get the hint eventually. Thanks

@Woodlandbelle @MrsToadlike deffo agree with everything you've said here!

Yeah @sharethedoughnuts I think that's the right approach. Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy

Thank you @MrsToadlike xx

You need some stock phrases.

Oh, do you.
Hmmmm, that’s nice
Well, this is how we do things in MY family
That’s interesting......anyone want a cup of tea?

My favourite is to pretend I’m not even listening and go the toilet. That really annoys mine, whilst I crack up in the loo.

Agree with the stock phrases!

"Huh, there we are then"
"Oh, nah"
"Isn't it funny how different people are"

But really she is your DH's problem, not yours!

Hahaha I love these @CoalCraft @SpringCleanDiva