Feeling like a cruel mum

[chocolatesweets]

I don't know why I feel guilty but my husband doesn't but I have twins and became a stay at home mum because we didn't/couldn't really afford to pay nursery fees. I'm glad I had the time with them but I am ready to return to work now. I've got a part time job and I was worried about them going into nursery but my working days are a thousand times easier than handling toddler twins all day.

I can't shake the guilt though. I sense also that my MIL is disappointed and saddened that I've returned to work. She asked if I could do half days 🙈 and also said she was worried about them crying and nobody was able to tend to them. Way to fo making me feel like the worst mum in the history of the world.

The past year with covid was difficult . Handling toddler twins without support was hard.

I feel like a bad mum but also like there is nothing left in the tank almost. I'm a much better mum with nursery help. They're wonderful there and the kids skip in. One thing I worry about is that they are more tired than usual but this is their second week. They attend 2 days. If I want to work full time, they only have to attend 3 days. I want that for them. I want a full time job.

Do the right thing for you. That's the best thing for them. And speaking as someone trying to forge a career on the back of years as a SAHM after my ex did one, definitely keep your career going. Don't depend on anyone else if you have the option to be self sufficient.

Ignore your MIL. My eldest is almost 10. It has taken me almost a decade to learn that you can’t look after your children if your own tank isn’t full. From the day DD was born my DM has metaphorically sat on my shoulder like a parrot and whispered in my ear ‘you don’t spend enough time with them’. I did go back to work after a year with each of mine and worked part time, but even when I had 6 weeks off between jobs DM was telling me I didn’t spend enough time with them......short of keeping them up all night it was physically impossible to spend more time with them!! In the last year I have learned to take time for me.....not job time....ME time. Running, cycling, yoga. I am a better mother, wife and colleague for it, and my children are well cared for in my absence. Do what you have to do for you. Def keep your job....it’s probably the best role model you can give your children.

Don’t feel guilty, I’m a better mum when I’m working. I enjoy having something for me and nit just being “blahs mum” all the time. It’s also very normal for children to go to nursery or some form of childcare; I don’t know many mums who are stay at home mums as not everyone can afford to.
How old are you twins? Nursery has really brought on my Children’s development as they can provide activities that I don’t have the resources, time or patience for. It’s not a bad thing that they’re tired; they’re busy all day at nursery.
The only thing I would urge caution about is going full time; I was full time for a year when DD was 18 months and she was fine but I was absolutely exhausted as I then didn’t have any time to get anything done as if I wasn’t working then I was trying to make the most of my time with DD.

They're tired because they're having fascinating new experiences. That's a good thing! It sounds as though nursery is working really well for them and for you. And what's your MIL on about that they'll be crying with nobody going to them - surely the nursery staff will? Honestly, it sounds as though your MIL has just decided to be Judged McJudgeypants. Ignore her, enjoy work, and rest easy knowing that your twins are having a great time.