To feel DS is not ready for childcare

[teatowel66]

My DS is 12 months old. He’s fine and happy with new people, but as soon as anyone he doesn’t know tries to touch or hold him, he bursts into tears and sobs uncontrollably. It then takes a good 10 minutes for me or his dad to calm him down. On the few occasions when a family member or friend has tried to hold him, he will always start crying, and the same with doctors and the health visitor.

Now he’s a year old DH and I have been considering whether to send him to a childminder or nursery a couple of days a week to help him socialise more, but we are concerned that given the above, he’s just not ready.

I’m lucky in that my work is very flexible and I can afford to take another 6 months to a year off if I want to.

Do you think he sounds like he’s not ready for childcare yet? Also what could be the reason for him disliking people touching and holding him? Thanks!

Any 12mo who hadn't been in childcare or seen other adults much at all for the last 12 months would be like that, tbh. It's a big age for separation anxiety. He's just responding to a person he doesn't know. Normal and not at all sinister.

Odds are that he would cry a little at first but then settle fine in childcare, like the vast majority of DC. If you actively want to take another 6-12 months off and can afford it, crack on, but nothing you've said suggests a DC who isn't "ready" for childcare. Children are never really "ready" for childcare in the sense of going willingly to an adult they don't know yet, or at least not until after they've started school, unless they're very outgoing.

It's quite normal for 12 month olds to not be good about strangers. As they are now restarting, a toddler group might help but mostly it's a case of hes only little

If anything it will help him, but nothing stands out that he wouldn’t be ready.

Totally get this. Mine was very clingy. Exclusive breastfeeding and bed sharing so joined at the hip.

Naturally screamed at first then settled. They all do, even with separation anxiety. (This was 7mo but don't image 12 no will be much different)

Keeping him out of childcare won't make him anymore ready, I'd just put him in. He'll get used to it and start to enjoy going

This is a completely normal phase. He’ll be fine at nursery. My oldest one literally was attached to me and would only sleep on me and screamed at other people. They were both perfectly fine. That said, nursery just for socialisation is probably a waste of money as they don’t pay much attention to other children at that age, but if you want a break or to work, then it’s a great option.

I would say due to lockdown he hasn't seem many other people apart from you and your partner. I would start getting out as much as possible and if you want to join some toddler/baby groups

I think it sounds fairly normal how he is; if you don’t want to send him yet then that’s completely your choice but you may find he’s the same in another 6 months.

Do others only try to hold him when you are present or is he bad for a long time if you leave him?
Our niece is very clingy when her mum is around but when she isn't she's much better. Our kids have had this issue briefly but with persistence they get over it. Our eldest was the only one who went to nursery at a young age, she went through a phase of kicking off when I was leaving but her nursery always got her settled quickly and when I went to pick her up she didn't want to leave.

Do others only try to hold him when you are present or is he bad for a long time if you leave him?

It’s both. I’ve left him with my mum a few times and he has basically screamed until I’ve got back. I just can’t see how he will magically settle with a childminder two days a week (and I wouldn’t want or need to send him any more than that).

I’m wondering if it might be better to ease him gently into meeting (and being held by) other people with me or DH always present, whilst he builds up his confidence. Then try a childminder in a year.